U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-16-2013, 03:14 PM
 
16 posts, read 21,017 times
Reputation: 26

Advertisements

Hello.

I've been married for 7 years and I have two boys aged 4 and 2 years old. Even when we were dating, I used to notice how he starred at other women. I got jealous but he used to say I couldn't blame him for noticing a pretty girl.

I was very naive and never suspected about his late night working in the beginning of our marriage. Now I know he was already working for an all "female multinational company".

My first shock therapy happened when my second son was just 13 days old. My husband said he had to go to another city for a company's conference. He said he couldn't really miss it. Two days later, he hadn't even called to ask about the baby. I ringed his mobile phone several times but he never answered. I called the hotel who sent the call to his room. A woman answered the phone and I asked who I was speaking to. She said "It's Mr. (my husband's name) wife." I just remember slamming the phone down and started crying.

When he came back, we had a huge fight for days. He promised me it had been a moment of weakness and that it would never happen again. Because my baby was a newborn, I forgave him but I could never let him touch me again. I felt disgust whenever he tried to advance on me.

I found his email open about 2 months ago. I just read the two top ones, both sent to women and with highly sexual content.

We had a huge fight again, I started crying and he said "Do you want me to make you feel like a woman again?". I can't tell you why I let him touch me again in that situation but I had been starving for someone's touch. I'll spare you the details but it happened right there against the wall.

Despite this, the next day it was all back to the same. I didn't forgive him and started thinking about the divorce, I contacted a lawyer, etc. My period had been late for a while but I thought it was due to all this stress. But it got so late I decided to do a pregnancy test. I already had 3 and they were all positive.

I have no idea what to do now, he's going to be mad since he said he was done after our 2 boys. I'm afraid to tell him and at the same time I don't know what to do with my life now. I just my kids to be all right.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-16-2013, 03:23 PM
 
809 posts, read 1,120,398 times
Reputation: 1432


I don't even know where to start. You are in a really tough spot and I can't say it's your own doing, but maybe it is.

Why did you continue to stay with this man?
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2013, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 92,374,334 times
Reputation: 40032
The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to seek out a therapist and start working right away on finding your self-esteem and guts.

You've known for a long time just who your husband is but failed to act to protect yourself from him, and that is no accident.

You need some perspective and self-awareness and you need it yesterday.

Start making some phone calls this afternoon. You are in over your head and need some professional guidance right away.

I wish you all the best.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2013, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,932 posts, read 14,297,264 times
Reputation: 30016
tough situation. let your cheating husband know about your pregnancy and you both can decide the next steps.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2013, 03:39 PM
 
1,373 posts, read 2,672,999 times
Reputation: 1434
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatherineBarr View Post
Hello.

I've been married for 7 years and I have two boys aged 4 and 2 years old. Even when we were dating, I used to notice how he starred at other women. I got jealous but he used to say I couldn't blame him for noticing a pretty girl.

I was very naive and never suspected about his late night working in the beginning of our marriage. Now I know he was already working for an all "female multinational company".

My first shock therapy happened when my second son was just 13 days old. My husband said he had to go to another city for a company's conference. He said he couldn't really miss it. Two days later, he hadn't even called to ask about the baby. I ringed his mobile phone several times but he never answered. I called the hotel who sent the call to his room. A woman answered the phone and I asked who I was speaking to. She said "It's Mr. (my husband's name) wife." I just remember slamming the phone down and started crying.

When he came back, we had a huge fight for days. He promised me it had been a moment of weakness and that it would never happen again. Because my baby was a newborn, I forgave him but I could never let him touch me again. I felt disgust whenever he tried to advance on me.

I found his email open about 2 months ago. I just read the two top ones, both sent to women and with highly sexual content.

We had a huge fight again, I started crying and he said "Do you want me to make you feel like a woman again?". I can't tell you why I let him touch me again in that situation but I had been starving for someone's touch. I'll spare you the details but it happened right there against the wall.

Despite this, the next day it was all back to the same. I didn't forgive him and started thinking about the divorce, I contacted a lawyer, etc. My period had been late for a while but I thought it was due to all this stress. But it got so late I decided to do a pregnancy test. I already had 3 and they were all positive.

I have no idea what to do now, he's going to be mad since he said he was done after our 2 boys. I'm afraid to tell him and at the same time I don't know what to do with my life now. I just my kids to be all right.
This can't be life! If someone has to be mad it's you, you have been cheated on!
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2013, 03:41 PM
 
1,373 posts, read 2,672,999 times
Reputation: 1434
Why are you having unprotected sex with a cheater? Have you had an HIV test?

If he is mad about you being pregnant he should have had a vasectomy.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2013, 04:18 PM
 
16 posts, read 21,017 times
Reputation: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchamp Dude View Post


I don't even know where to start. You are in a really tough spot and I can't say it's your own doing, but maybe it is.

Why did you continue to stay with this man?
I know I'm not faultless in this, there are always mistakes on both sides. But I've never been with any other man since we were dating. I was not with someone else when my son was 13 days old.

I think I stayed with him because I was naive for far too long and though people can really change. Besides, the boys love their dad, even though he isn't the most attentive father.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to seek out a therapist and start working right away on finding your self-esteem and guts.

You've known for a long time just who your husband is but failed to act to protect yourself from him, and that is no accident.

You need some perspective and self-awareness and you need it yesterday.

Start making some phone calls this afternoon. You are in over your head and need some professional guidance right away.

I wish you all the best.
I think I have too many things going through my head right now to think about that. But thank you.

I've already made an appointment with my OBGYN so there's no doubt about the pregnancy.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2013, 04:21 PM
 
529 posts, read 625,835 times
Reputation: 387
I don't think he meant it's your fault the guy cheated. I think he meant that you were partly to blame for having a child accidentally with a guy who is a cheater.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2013, 04:22 PM
 
16 posts, read 21,017 times
Reputation: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
Why are you having unprotected sex with a cheater? Have you had an HIV test?
It just happened once. It would never cross my mind I would get pregnant from that one time. But it happens.

Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
If he is mad about you being pregnant he should have had a vasectomy.
Perhaps he's saving himself to have children with someone else...
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2013, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,188 posts, read 22,443,880 times
Reputation: 22184
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatherineBarr View Post


I think I have too many things going through my head right now to think about that. But thank you.

I've already made an appointment with my OBGYN so there's no doubt about the pregnancy.
You have too many things going through your head to talk to a therapist? That doesn't make any sense. A therapist will help you deal with all the things going through your head.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2021, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top