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I've been getting together with a guy for two months now for weekend sex. We had so much great sex that I would really like to continue for as long as I possibly can. We're not exclusive and it does not look like we will go that way. Before meeting him, I was not sexually active for a long time so it makes me so happy that I was finally able to find someone extremely compatible in that department. Then, I met a woman with an incredible personality and a long-term potential. We went out on a date and really enjoyed each other's company. We have strong attraction as well but the thing is so new that I wouldn't know if we would be compatible. The bad thing is I'm already getting stressed out and feeling guilty, although I have not lied to either. Given my different motivations and my history with the guy, I know I will never be able to choose, period, until something happens and a choice is made for me. I don't want to lie or have sex with two people at the same time. So what do I do? The logical solution is to keep the second one as a friend and resume dating when the first one ends, but that also means I'm taking on the risk of losing her to someone else. I'm sincerely asking for advice so please do not be judgmental. I'm not trying to have my cake and eat it too. It's just that the timing cannot be any worse than this. Also, threesome is not a solution. Thanks.
What do you think the women would do/think if she knew you had a friends with benefits relationship on the weekends? Personally if I was really attracted to the female I would hold on the weekend fling for awhile until I knew if this would work out with the woman or not.
I find myself in a similar situation, only I'm a guy, and my two "potentials" are both ladies.
My solution is "honesty to all" above all else. In my case, I just made it a point to let both of them know EARLY on that I am not ready for a commitment, and that it is not safe to assume we are exclusive. Then we had open discussions, including backgrounds, dating philosophies, and even talked about "if you or I feel we need to be exclusive, we can have that discussion, but I'm not sure how it will play out".
Long way of saying: "Either date one at a time, or be honest and follow BrokenCrayola's (good) advice.
I think you'd be surprised at how it might go over, but that is of course assuming that you'd be OK with it.
FWIW, I do NOT think it's a good idea to date one until he ends, then the other. It basically means the first one is already predetermined to end. If that is 100% sure, then why bother. Move on to someone who at least has a chance....
From my read, you are bisexual (I've been getting together with a guy... Then I met a woman). Make up your mind who is a better bet for a long-term partner and make a choice to stay with that person. You shouldn't compare apples to oranges. What is better for longer-term right now? Once you make that decision and are fully committed, you should continue on that route. It can only get sweeter. If the possibility DOESN'T work out, you are guaranteed nothing, but this doesn't mean you shouldn't try for lack of a guarantee. If an LTR is what you seek, this is the route to go. If you like to be plucked like a guitar, it sounds like you should be in the guy's hands.
I've been getting together with a guy for two months now for weekend sex. We had so much great sex that I would really like to continue for as long as I possibly can. We're not exclusive and it does not look like we will go that way. Before meeting him, I was not sexually active for a long time so it makes me so happy that I was finally able to find someone extremely compatible in that department. Then, I met a woman with an incredible personality and a long-term potential. We went out on a date and really enjoyed each other's company. We have strong attraction as well but the thing is so new that I wouldn't know if we would be compatible. The bad thing is I'm already getting stressed out and feeling guilty, although I have not lied to either. Given my different motivations and my history with the guy, I know I will never be able to choose, period, until something happens and a choice is made for me. I don't want to lie or have sex with two people at the same time. So what do I do? The logical solution is to keep the second one as a friend and resume dating when the first one ends, but that also means I'm taking on the risk of losing her to someone else. I'm sincerely asking for advice so please do not be judgmental. I'm not trying to have my cake and eat it too. It's just that the timing cannot be any worse than this. Also, threesome is not a solution. Thanks.
personally, as a guy, this wouldn't bother me a bit.
other men, i find threatening. other women, i do not.
What do you think the women would do/think if she knew you had a friends with benefits relationship on the weekends? Personally if I was really attracted to the female I would hold on the weekend fling for awhile until I knew if this would work out with the woman or not.
I think you have provided the best advice. I think I won't be able to lie to a gentle soul about my weekend activities. Pretty soon, she will wonder why I'm never available on certain nights.
The truth is that for many years, I was looking for a relationship and couldn't find one. In the process, I didn't have sex with anyone and being someone who is naturally very sexual, I became very frustrated. One day I said to myself **** it I'm not gonna wait anymore. I got this guy's phone number, asked him out then BAM! there I was having the best sex in life - all that without love and a commitment. Ever since then, we've been hooking up regularly (this guy is great at what he does but is not a relationship material for sure.) I have to admit that walking away from this is not going to be easy. It sounds odd, but I feel so liberated and almost curious as to if I can pull this off with multiple people. So I guess the question is really - do I want a relationship?
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