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Okay, so my friend signed up for this online dating site, and I decided to make a joke profile and see if I'd get any responses. And I surprisingly got a lot, but I never really intended on getting to know any of them, let alone meeting them. But one guy ended up being really amazing, although he lived an hour and a half away. But he was planning on moving to my city as soon as he found a job here. So, after many messages on the site, we started texting each other.
Eventually, he asked me out, which I at first turned him down, because I have major trust and abandonment issues, and I had never dated before. But he was very understanding and said that he would still like to give it a chance and see if he could change my mind, so I decided to give him a chance. And we went to an amusement park for our first date. And he was really sweet and fun and a gentleman, so I really started liking him.
And since then, we continued texting everyday as we had been (pretty much all day), as well as video chatted, for the next couple weeks, when we had plans to go to the zoo this Friday (today, technically). And he's a cheesy, hopeless romantic, so he constantly complimented me and said cheesy things and how much he was excited to see me again. And he continued to try and gain my trust and prove he was a good guy. We had also discussed becoming official on Friday, too, after seeing how the day went.
He said again on Tuesday that he was excited to see me, although he was too tired to video chat that night. And I was disappointed, but I accepted it. But by the next day, he barely texted me. I don't think he even would have, had I not texted him first. His texts were so brief and unemotional, which they had never been before. I asked if everything was okay between us, and if not, if he could call me later. He just said he'd try getting off work earlier. But he never called me. So, I tried calling him that night, but he sent me to voicemail, then texted that he was at his dad's. I asked if we were still on for Friday, but he never responded. And then on Thursday, I sent a text in the morning, but he just never responded to it either, so obviously, we really aren't going to the zoo on Friday.
And I just can't figure out what happened between us. I also texted that if I did something to upset him, I was truly sorry. But this was just a complete 180. He was so involved and interested, and told me so multiple times throughout the day, and would call me. And then out of the blue, he just stopped.
And it hurt more, because I was finally starting to trust him. He said his dad left his mom when he was 2, so he swore to never treat a girl like that, ever. And yet, he ended up abandoning me in a similar fashion, so it just really crushed me, and kind of makes me never want to trust anyone again now.
I know I've only known him a few weeks, and although we talked so much about so many things, it's still hard to truly get to know a person. But when I'd say that he seemed like an actually decent human being, he'd say he was different than other guys, and I had started to believe it. But now, it just seems like it turned out that he's just like everyone else.
And I just don't have any clue what happened. Some of my friends suggested it was the distance, but travel and money wasn't an issue, because he said he really didn't mind travelling, and he had money saved from his next paycheck, plus also selling some trading cards for money (which I had told him not to do because I would feel so guilty). As well as finding out his uncle would help him out if need be. And his friends and family all seemed pro-me, from what he described. So, all I could really think of was that I did something to really upset him, or that he just happened to meet another girl on Wednesday, and decided to completely write me off.
So, has anyone else had a similar experience? Or have any idea why he would stop talking to me? I honestly don't know if it's something I did, but I feel like he would have told me, since we've tried being open about everything. And it just kills me not having an answer, because I hate not knowing things in general.
Trust and abandonment issues .... get some help with those. They don't exactly make interpersonal relationships, especially dating, easy.
I dunno if I'm right, but I get the drift that you might be a give off a bit too much of a clingy, obsessive, and needy attitude in your conversations ... likely due to your abandonment issues, and possible dependent personality disorder ... However, you say he was really enthusiastic about you until a few days ago ... which suggests indeed maybe he did find someone new.
Anyways, I'd recommend getting some help with your trust and abandonment issues, because it will make life easier to deal with.
NO, don't ask him. He won't tell you the truth. I think you've texted enough and the ball is in his court. Yes, this happens , has happened to me and it took some time but I realized he just didn't like me enough. It is hard for both men and women to tell someone they're not into the relationship or continuing to date or what ever. But I think it is a coward who just disappears. Work on yourself and know it is him being cowardly. He wouldn't (this will hurt) act like that if he really liked you so I suspect he simply decided he does not. I doubt he met anyone else. Just let him come to you, ball is in his court.
Trust and abandonment issues .... get some help with those. They don't exactly make interpersonal relationships, especially dating, easy.
I dunno if I'm right, but I get the drift that you might be a give off a bit too much of a clingy, obsessive, and needy attitude in your conversations ... likely due to your abandonment issues, and possible dependent personality disorder ... However, you say he was really enthusiastic about you until a few days ago ... which suggests indeed maybe he did find someone new.
Anyways, I'd recommend getting some help with your trust and abandonment issues, because it will make life easier to deal with.
And I agree you likely came off as needy , clingy, obsessive. Do work on yourself and you'll be ready for someone better who isn't a coward.
Maybe he figured out that your profile was a "joke" and he did not want to continue to be part of it.
It could also be something else like, he got busy with moving, finding a new job, working, family gatherings (it is graduation time) or he found someone else he wants to be with.
Move on and quit making "joke" profiles on dating sites, it is immature, childish and not fair to those who are actually seeking a "real" relationship.
Sounds like he either met someone else closer to where he lives, he decided not to move to your city after all, or that all of that texting and video chatting was too much effort for someone he didn't see all that often and he decided 90 minutes was too far away to continue.
Probably not what you want to hear, but those are my guesses. Sorry he pulled a disappearing act on you. Some guys are cowards like that. Don't let it color your opinion of all of them.
I had this happen when I did online, met a guy for two dates then poof he was gone. I have no idea but I suspect he probably met someone else he was really into and decided not to continue with me. Had other guys tell me after a few dates they really liked someone else instead. However only he knows why he did it but you just need to move on and not get so serious with someone you just met.
Okay, so my friend signed up for this online dating site, and I decided to make a joke profile and see if I'd get any responses. And I surprisingly got a lot, but I never really intended on getting to know any of them, let alone meeting them. But one guy ended up being really amazing, although he lived an hour and a half away. But he was planning on moving to my city as soon as he found a job here. So, after many messages on the site, we started texting each other.
Eventually, he asked me out, which I at first turned him down, because I have major trust and abandonment issues, and I had never dated before. But he was very understanding and said that he would still like to give it a chance and see if he could change my mind, so I decided to give him a chance. And we went to an amusement park for our first date. And he was really sweet and fun and a gentleman, so I really started liking him.
And since then, we continued texting everyday as we had been (pretty much all day), as well as video chatted, for the next couple weeks, when we had plans to go to the zoo this Friday (today, technically). And he's a cheesy, hopeless romantic, so he constantly complimented me and said cheesy things and how much he was excited to see me again. And he continued to try and gain my trust and prove he was a good guy. We had also discussed becoming official on Friday, too, after seeing how the day went.
He said again on Tuesday that he was excited to see me, although he was too tired to video chat that night. And I was disappointed, but I accepted it. But by the next day, he barely texted me. I don't think he even would have, had I not texted him first. His texts were so brief and unemotional, which they had never been before. I asked if everything was okay between us, and if not, if he could call me later. He just said he'd try getting off work earlier. But he never called me. So, I tried calling him that night, but he sent me to voicemail, then texted that he was at his dad's. I asked if we were still on for Friday, but he never responded. And then on Thursday, I sent a text in the morning, but he just never responded to it either, so obviously, we really aren't going to the zoo on Friday.
And I just can't figure out what happened between us. I also texted that if I did something to upset him, I was truly sorry. But this was just a complete 180. He was so involved and interested, and told me so multiple times throughout the day, and would call me. And then out of the blue, he just stopped.
And it hurt more, because I was finally starting to trust him. He said his dad left his mom when he was 2, so he swore to never treat a girl like that, ever. And yet, he ended up abandoning me in a similar fashion, so it just really crushed me, and kind of makes me never want to trust anyone again now.
I know I've only known him a few weeks, and although we talked so much about so many things, it's still hard to truly get to know a person. But when I'd say that he seemed like an actually decent human being, he'd say he was different than other guys, and I had started to believe it. But now, it just seems like it turned out that he's just like everyone else.
And I just don't have any clue what happened. Some of my friends suggested it was the distance, but travel and money wasn't an issue, because he said he really didn't mind travelling, and he had money saved from his next paycheck, plus also selling some trading cards for money (which I had told him not to do because I would feel so guilty). As well as finding out his uncle would help him out if need be. And his friends and family all seemed pro-me, from what he described. So, all I could really think of was that I did something to really upset him, or that he just happened to meet another girl on Wednesday, and decided to completely write me off.
So, has anyone else had a similar experience? Or have any idea why he would stop talking to me? I honestly don't know if it's something I did, but I feel like he would have told me, since we've tried being open about everything. And it just kills me not having an answer, because I hate not knowing things in general.
I'm really sorry for you but it happens to both sexes. It's okay to feel badly but I'm sure it's nothing you did. He lost interest for whatever reason which you'll probably never know for sure. I urge you to move on (I've had this happen to me too) as even if he comes back he's likely to repeat and he should have lost your trust. Unless of course he was captured by aliens and then released.
Good luck.
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