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Sigh. You mentioned her marriage was on the rocks. Could it be that your male friend here is her confidant, the person she could turn to for "man advice" outside of her husband? Could it be that the "alone time" she mentioned was in regards to such conversations?
IMO, I don't think it is appropriate to confide marital problems with opposite sex friends. I would classify this as having an Emotional Affair. Sonderbooks Book Review of Not "Just Friends"
Quote:
Originally Posted by K-Luv
My guess is that she is insecure, perhaps has some baggage, and they "no secrets" aspect is her agreement....perhaps initiated by him to help squash any doubts; to ease her mind.
She says that the "no secrets" marriage was actually started by her offering up her passwords/phone/etc to her husband. When they first got married, she had a "friend" with an unhealthy attachment to her. She wanted to prove that there were no feelings from her end so she offered up her passwords/phone/etc. He reviewed her emails, answered her phone, etc and realized he had nothing to worry about. The friend moved on emotionally and is out of their lives. I mentioned the "no secrets" in my original post just to defend her (she is my friend after all) - to explain that she wasn't purposely snooping through his stuff. His iPhone went off and the message was clearly displayed on the lock screen.
IMO, I don't think it is appropriate to confide marital problems with opposite sex friends.
Does that mean gay people can't confide their relationship problems to same-sex friends? Does that mean bisexual or pansexual people can't confide their relationship problems to anyone?
She says that the "no secrets" marriage was actually started by her offering up her passwords/phone/etc to her husband. When they first got married, she had a "friend" with an unhealthy attachment to her. She wanted to prove that there were no feelings from her end so she offered up her passwords/phone/etc. He reviewed her emails, answered her phone, etc and realized he had nothing to worry about.
This sounds like the start of their problems, IMO. If you feel the need to read your partner's emails and answer their phone in order to have trust in their faithfulness to you, you probably shouldn't marry them. It sounds like there was insecurity brewing from the beginning, and now it's coming to a head. If two people are not secure with and trusting of each other, electronic snooping isn't going to ease their concerns, it's just going to exacerbate them.
(FWIW, I had a female friend who I traveled with for work a lot. We did a lot of stuff together on business trips, including going out to bars and having a good time in really cool places like NYC and other fun cities. There was NEVER any cheating going on, and I was always open and honest with my wife about the fun we had together. At one point, my wife said it was starting to make her uncomfy. I doubted her at first, but she said "imagine if I'd do the same thing with my boss on a trip, how would you feel?" I got the point she was making, and I ended it. The moral of this story is, without accusation, we had a mature discussion, and the problem was solved. My wife was my priority, so I did the right thing.
I'm really intrigued by your story. Another question for you about this situation:
When you "ended it" with your platonic female friend, how did she take it? Was she mature and understanding, or did she get defensive and call your wife "ridiculous."
What would you have thought of your friend if she went the defensive and ridiculous route?
Another question for you about this situation:
When you "ended it" with your platonic female friend, how did she take it? Was she mature and understanding, or did she get defensive and call your wife "ridiculous."
What would you have thought of your friend if she went the defensive and ridiculous route?
If a man is true to his wife, and truly innocent of anything with the woman making the text, he could not care less if the friend gets defensive or tries to insult him when he sets her straight.
If a man is true to his wife, and truly innocent of anything with the woman making the text, he could not care less if the friend gets defensive or tries to insult him when he sets her straight.
Agreed!
What I'm really asking is: If the platonic friend gets defensive, is that an indication that she had the hots for him? What would indicate to you that the platonic friend had more in mind or was having an emotional affair? Asking him to see her even though he clearly stated his wife was not comfortable?
Well, if the husband were really up to no good, he would have found a way to limit the wife's access to his phone. That didn't happen.
To me, the more rational explanation is that this woman has decided to start flirting. That actually happened to me a few times, once through texts, more through phone calls or conversations. I duly report that stuff to MrsCPG. I even had an old girlfriend look me up on Facebook, which I accepted after telling my wife. After a couple of weeks of catching up, she suddenly started with the "My husband doesn't treat me well" and "Why did we ever break up" routines. I immediately defriended her and told my wife about it.
However, I would check the past texting history and see if he's been erasing select, incriminating messages.
Agreed!
What I'm really asking is: If the platonic friend gets defensive, is that an indication that she had the hots for him? What would indicate to you that the platonic friend had more in mind or was having an emotional affair? Asking him to see her even though he clearly stated his wife was not comfortable?
NO, not necessarily.
It could just mean she is offended that someone would think she is after their husband (especially if she is not).
Agreed!
What I'm really asking is: If the platonic friend gets defensive, is that an indication that she had the hots for him? What would indicate to you that the platonic friend had more in mind or was having an emotional affair? Asking him to see her even though he clearly stated his wife was not comfortable?
This would be a red flag to me and would show she is up to no good.
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