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I'll try to make this short. I've been with my fiance for 5 years.
A few months ago, he helped his dad set up an online dating profile. His dad was getting a lot of spam and had questions, so my fiance was on the account a lot. When I found out, I asked him to stop logging on and hand the reigns over to his dad. I just don't like the idea of my fiance going through dating profiles. He agreed.
He's always been really private about his computer because he has all his work stuff on there. He asked me never to go through it and made me my own account. I agreed not to.
But tonight he was logged on and stepped away. I broke my promise (which I do feel bad about) and looked. Almost everything on the computer was legit. No porn, nothing. It was almost all work related. But then I found a link to a woman's dating profile who lives in our city.
I brought it up just now over the phone (we aren't living together at the moment) and he flipped. He screamed at me about being an "untrustworthy b*tch" for going though his computer and then told me he could never trust someone like me and how he would never want to have kids with me. He then admitted that the profile was not a spam profile like I thought but it was actually someone he used to know. I asked who and he said "you should know" but wouldn't tell me her name.
The thing is, I've only gotten his exes' first names and have never seen photos of them. He wouldn't allow it. The only one I know is this woman who wouldn't stop pursuing him, even after we were together. So I'm pretty sure it is her but the last time I saw her picture was 4 years ago so its hard to remember. He just keeps saying "she's not even an ex" like it matters. It's a woman he used to know and flirt with. Maybe they didn't have sex or actually have a relationship, but they weren't strictly just friends either.
What I want to know is...why am I the bad guy here? I get that breaking a promise is wrong. However, I had a "gut feeling" that something was wrong with him and couldn't ignore it. I didn't have any proof or an actual reason to go through his stuff. He hung up on me and turned his phone off like a child instead of resolving it.
I know tomorrow he'll probably just say he somehow came across it and was "concerned" for her. She had some pretty racy stuff on her profile, including a link to webcame thing. I guess she's in porn now? Ugh I'm just so mad! Why am I 100% wrong here?? Was what I did so bad?
But did you lie about looking up your ex and try to hide it?
Nope. Mostly never came up. If it had... I don't bother lying... I'd rather end the relationship than lie and fight about things.
I ALSO don't break promises to my significant others. (You do... self admonition, and as I said, not enough info to make an impartial judgement. If your just looking for "Your in the right, he is a scumbag"... just wait, I'm sure bias views will be along shortly. I was attempting to be honest and fair. example: You said it's for work. We have no way of knowing if it's for serious security... like he could be fired, expose details of a multimillion $ deal, expose you to charges of insider trading, or go to jail... or if it's an excuse to hide cheating.... not enough info. )
DID go on a double date with one and her Fiance...my GF told me that she "Wished my ex was less attractive." (We still talk on the phone on occasion... I'll do it right in-front of my GF. Non-issue, they liked each other and my GF trusts me. )
We are also getting a one sided view of "What yelling/Screaming is"
I've heard some things called yelling I'd not call yelling. As well as some things I'd call yelling.... not called yelling.
I'll try to make this short. I've been with my fiance for 5 years.
He's always been really private about his computer because he has all his work stuff on there. He asked me never to go through it and made me my own account. I agreed not to.
But tonight he was logged on and stepped away. I broke my promise (which I do feel bad about) and looked. Almost everything on the computer was legit. No porn, nothing. It was almost all work related. But then I found a link to a woman's dating profile who lives in our city.
So, you determine what is "legit" for him on his private computer after you made agreement not tol tresspass?
Poor innocent you....You have an excess control problem.
But you didn't leave him after all this shameful evidence? No, you attempted to browbeat him.
Nope. Mostly never came up. If it had... I don't bother lying... I'd rather end the relationship than lie and fight about things.
I ALSO don't break promises to my significant others. (You do... self admonition, and as I said, not enough info to make an impartial judgement. If your just looking for "Your in the right, he is a scumbag"... just wait, I'm sure bias views will be along shortly. I was attempting to be honest and fair. example: You said it's for work. We have no way of knowing if it's for serious security... like he could be fired, expose details of a multimillion $ deal, expose you to charges of insider trading, or go to jail... or if it's an excuse to hide cheating.... not enough info. )
DID go on a double date with one and her Fiance...my GF told me that she "Wished my ex was less attractive." (We still talk on the phone on occasion... I'll do it right in-front of my GF. Non-issue, they liked each other and my GF trusts me. )
We are also getting a one sided view of "What yelling/Screaming is"
I've heard some things called yelling I'd not call yelling. As well as some things I'd call yelling.... not called yelling.
He works for himself, so he can't be fired. There is no one else's private info on there like a client's.
So, you determine what is "legit" for him on his private computer after you made agreement not tol tresspass?
Poor innocent you....You have an excess control problem.
But you didn't leave him after all this shameful evidence? No, you attempted to browbeat him.
What happens if he leaves you?
Consequences!
Can I comment that he promised no more dating sites, then lied when I asked the question "have you been on dating sites?"
Why the secrets?
And this just happened today. I haven't decided if I'm going to leave yet. I wonder what else he's hiding.
By the way, he goes through my computer and personal things all the time.
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