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You are the bad guy because he is a controlling psycho. Healthy people never scream at you, never call you names, never are secretive (unless they are planning your surprise party), never tell you they 'won't allow' something, and never have double standards.
He has all the classic signs of a guy who will become physically abusive to you (and any children) in the future. Run, don't walk. Don't let him know where you move to.
@nearnorth:
Did you miss the bit where he goes through her computer all the time?
You are the bad guy because he is a controlling psycho. Healthy people never scream at you, never call you names, never are secretive (unless they are planning your surprise party), never tell you they 'won't allow' something, and never have double standards.
He has all the classic signs of a guy who will become physically abusive to you (and any children) in the future. Run, don't walk. Don't let him know where you move to.
@nearnorth:
Did you miss the bit where he goes through her computer all the time?
Filtered through her.... This could mean he uses her computer to check his email when he is at her house!
She broke his trust by snooping when she promised not to.
That's the bottom line. Even if she hadn't promised not to, that would still be the bottom line. If you don't trust your partner, find a new one. Snooping is a lose-lose.
Quote:
Originally Posted by savoytruffle
I am saying they both messed up.
I know you are, but you're using a false equivalency. You should consider working for the American news media if you think every truth has an equal and opposite truth.
I brought it up just now over the phone (we aren't living together at the moment) and he flipped. He screamed at me about being an "untrustworthy b*tch" for going though his computer and then told me he could never trust someone like me and how he would never want to have kids with me.
Honestly, I am not any more worked up about the idea that you looked on his computer than I am about the idea he looked at a dating profile. Neither of these are things one would want to announce on the family Christmas card, but they're not really deal-breakers either.
I would RUN, RUN, RUN as fast as I could away from this man because of the bolded.
Chances are tomorrow he will start twisting around what he did so it's not so bad. And he will continue to accuse you of breaking his trust. And he might even apologize for the bolded because "he was just so angry because of how you betrayed him that he overreacted" and this will somehow be your fault too. You see, because your behavior forced him to behave that way.
And when you show him that you will tolerate being abused by staying with him after what he did (the bolded)? He will know that he can abuse you ten times more and you'll take it. And it will get much worse, believe me. It almost always starts out as just verbal.
The smartest thing in the world you could do right now is end things.
I'll try to make this short. I've been with my fiance for 5 years.
A few months ago, he helped his dad set up an online dating profile. His dad was getting a lot of spam and had questions, so my fiance was on the account a lot. When I found out, I asked him to stop logging on and hand the reigns over to his dad. I just don't like the idea of my fiance going through dating profiles. He agreed.
He's always been really private about his computer because he has all his work stuff on there. He asked me never to go through it and made me my own account. I agreed not to.
But tonight he was logged on and stepped away. I broke my promise (which I do feel bad about) and looked. Almost everything on the computer was legit. No porn, nothing. It was almost all work related. But then I found a link to a woman's dating profile who lives in our city.
I brought it up just now over the phone (we aren't living together at the moment) and he flipped. He screamed at me about being an "untrustworthy b*tch" for going though his computer and then told me he could never trust someone like me and how he would never want to have kids with me. He then admitted that the profile was not a spam profile like I thought but it was actually someone he used to know. I asked who and he said "you should know" but wouldn't tell me her name.
The thing is, I've only gotten his exes' first names and have never seen photos of them. He wouldn't allow it. The only one I know is this woman who wouldn't stop pursuing him, even after we were together. So I'm pretty sure it is her but the last time I saw her picture was 4 years ago so its hard to remember. He just keeps saying "she's not even an ex" like it matters. It's a woman he used to know and flirt with. Maybe they didn't have sex or actually have a relationship, but they weren't strictly just friends either.
What I want to know is...why am I the bad guy here? I get that breaking a promise is wrong. However, I had a "gut feeling" that something was wrong with him and couldn't ignore it. I didn't have any proof or an actual reason to go through his stuff. He hung up on me and turned his phone off like a child instead of resolving it.
I know tomorrow he'll probably just say he somehow came across it and was "concerned" for her. She had some pretty racy stuff on her profile, including a link to webcame thing. I guess she's in porn now? Ugh I'm just so mad! Why am I 100% wrong here?? Was what I did so bad?
5 years? dammmmm, lady, will all due respect, you need to leave your relationship if you want a monogamous one. Otherwise, you're being played like a piano. Is he into swinging?
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, will all due respect, you need to leave your relationship if you want a monogamous one. Otherwise, you're being played like a piano. 
Is he into swinging?
