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ok that seems reasonable. but what about for a FWB scenario where the exact same thing happens two months from now, we're both drunk and at the same bar? it's impossible for me to hook up with her again?
Here's your answer OP. If you are willing to wait, you will likely suceed again. You just can't come off overly eager. Just let it pan out, since she's either a busy person or just a flaky person. It sounds like either type is not what you're looking for. Just file her in the category of, "if I'm out and we cross paths, I'll be cordial and keep doing my thing". Quite frankly that's how you had sex the first time. Nothing was expected so you got the ultimate reward.
Here's your answer OP. If you are willing to wait, you will likely suceed again. You just can't come off overly eager. Just let it pan out, since she's either a busy person or just a flaky person. It sounds like either type is not what you're looking for. Just file her in the category of, "if I'm out and we cross paths, I'll be cordial and keep doing my thing". Quite frankly that's how you had sex the first time. Nothing was expected so you got the ultimate reward.
yeah that's best case scenario. that's what i've been assuming was the right thing to do but there was a small part of me that thought just calling her out of the blue in a couple weeks and inviting her to get a drink, being really confident on the phone, etc. would work... doesn't look like it according to most of the responses i've got.
Not reaaaaaaaaaaaaally.
At this point, anything moving forward with her will be complicated.
If you were both interested, you BOTH would have handled it differently.
This one was a quick fun, but never gonna work long term, situation.
It's funny.
I don't have a lot of experience (if any) in this type of situation. For me it's either win or lose. Either I have a complete rejection or I have a girlfriend. Not sure what that says about me, but I can imagine.
There was obvious physical attraction there for the OP and this girl and it was mutual. I think for a lot of people, that is something that is so common, they can take it or leave it. Kind of like a random invite to a bar in your 20s when you're kinda tired.
I don't have a lot of experience (if any) in this type of situation. For me it's either win or lose. Either I have a complete rejection or I have a girlfriend. Not sure what that says about me, but I can imagine.
There was obvious physical attraction there for the OP and this girl and it was mutual. I think for a lot of people, that is something that is so common, they can take it or leave it. Kind of like a random invite to a bar in your 20s when you're kinda tired.
yeah i mean it could have been her just looking for a hookup and me looking for more. i'm 6'6 and apparently i'm a pretty good-looking guy, lots of people say that to me, kinda awkward as i'm an introvert but i play it off well. so maybe she was just looking to hook up and i missed the signal and assumed i'd get another shot by being a gentleman and letting her go to sleep. but i mean in my defense when she said "let's go to breakfast" i said "under one condition, that you and i go take a nap after breakfast..." and she said "i have work to do" in a kinda flirty, shoot me down way. so i have no clue what was up with her.
ok here we go guys, apologies in advance for the novel:
had a crush on a grad student for about a year, contacted her this past june via facebook and said i'd like to hang out. she responded favorably but said she was at an internship and would contact me when school started. months passed. a month ago we saw each other downtown (college town), both intoxicated, and she took me back to her place and we hooked up, had a great time. when she dropped me off the next day i said we should hang out again and her face lit up and she said yes immediately. the next week i invited her to a concert. she accepted. we went to the show, had a good time, she invited me to spend the night again but this time while i spent the night i did not make a move because she'd said she was really tired (possibly a misread on my part, even though she instantly passed out when we got in bed).
the next day she gets out of bed without trying to hookup. i've made some blunders by now, not leading things enough, not making a move, and not leaving immediately after waking. instead i kinda hang around and say i'm free for the day, which makes me look clingy. but surprisingly she says let's go to breakfast so we go eat. on the way back i remark (in a very gentle way, not just blurting it out) that she seems kinda introverted or else shy around new people (she'd been super guarded the whole time unless she was drunk, then she opened up and was really cool). i think this makes her pretty uncomfortable. i then get lost trying to get back to her place, which should be really easy, yet another blunder. as i'm dropping her off at her place she says "thanks for everything" and i stupidly ask if she wants to hang out later that night. she says maybe, she'll let me know, and doesn't respond that night. i don't contact her for a week, then i text her (another mistake, always call) this:
"hey, i'm gonna try (new fast food restaurant in town that she'd told me about) tomorrow. wanna come?"
she waits until about 6:30PM the next day and replies:
"hey, sorry for not responding sooner but i've been slammed with work all week and am just gonna take it easy tonight. hope it was good!"
i wait two days and reply:
"whoops forgot to reply to this, yeah it was good in a dangerous way, couldn't eat there too much"
we've had no contact since for about 3 weeks.
is this basically a no-go by now or did i back off at the very last second and therefore still have a chance with the perfect approach? obviously her interest level is pretty low since she hasn't contacted me nor did she respond to that last text. i can take that hint. and obviously i made some mistakes here and there by seeming clingy and moving kinda fast with the questioning. but at the same time i was pretty charming and very funny, made her laugh a lot. and it's not like i've been texting/calling her nonstop ever since, i doubt she thinks i'm desperate to be with her at this point... i just need to know my next move
i've read a lot and put a lot of thought into this, not solely for this woman but for dating in general, as i've had longterm gfs my whole adulthood and never really went out on dates with anyone. correct me if i'm wrong but here is my approach: i think at this stage i have to re-attract her, which will be way more difficult now that she has a negative impression of me in her mind. even though it's been 3 weeks, i don't think contacting her again will get me anywhere. it will communicate that she can reject me and i'll eventually come back to her regardless. that's not very attractive in my mind. the only way i could see that having any chance is if she thinks i'm a prude because i didn't make a move, and i play it very masculine/sexual and hit her up late on a friday night to get a drink or maybe even just say "you should come over," no pretenses about hanging out or bonding. she possibly thinks i'm clingy and needy and want to date her, so there's a tiny chance this could paint a different picture. but it's suboptimal in my mind and would most likely not work since she's already not interested.
i think the only plausible scenario is where we would run into each other in person again, randomly, and i could be sure to be in really good shape and look confident, etc., then i could go over and casually get her a drink, play it very smooth, and just see what happens. or maybe even just stand there and not pay attention to her and let her come to me if she wants to interact. she had no problem doing that the first time we hooked up.
is this the right approach or am i completely off-base? should i just call this woman in a couple weeks or what? is it too late? any help appreciated, thanks guys
The mistake you made was in trying to follow rules that you read somewhere, or thinking in terms of moves in a game, instead of focusing on your sense of empathy and your connection with her and letting that guide your behaviour.
That's a huge turnoff for women.
Last edited by NilaJones; 11-06-2013 at 08:09 PM..
The mistake you made was in trying to follow rules that you read somewhere, or thinking in terms of moves in a game, instead of focusing on your sense of empathy and your connection with her and letting that guide your behaviour.
That's a huge turnoff for women.
lol, what you are advising me to do is exactly what i did and look where it got me. only now that i've read up on it do i realize how ridiculous it is to do that when you are first meeting someone to whom you're attracted. i'm not saying change your entire personality for her, just don't make certain statements or do certain things.
Its over, find a new sl*t. Its easy, they are everywhere.
Last edited by dave nz; 11-07-2013 at 06:59 AM..
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