Quote:
Originally Posted by greenlawn1
Is the best way just to go out more and try harder
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I spent my first years out of high school stuck in the Marine Corps mostly stationed at Camp Lejeune, N.C. Upon finally getting away from that, I worked in a saw mill or a factory all through my 20s. I worked so much, and I didn't drink at all, so I had neither the time nor inclination to hang around in bars. When I didn't have a girlfriend, I suffered through some of the loneliest nights on record.
Days as well! I was largely isolated in a factory working 60 - 80 hours per week with men old enough to be my fathers and grandfathers.
Then one day I bumped into an old high school friend of mine, who was a DJ, who'd just gotten out of the Air Force, and he worked in a club outside of Harrisburg. We eventually became roommates, and I couldn't believe the women this man got, so, I became a DJ at several local clubs for the sole purpose of meeting women. I cut back my overtime hours at the factory on Thursday - Sunday, worked part time at the clubs, and I was immersed in a scene where more than 1,000 people paid the cover to enter the place each night. In short order, I found far too many attractive women I'd dreamed about having my entire life coming to me. It was probably the worst move in my life because it set up a demand for something I was completely unprepared to deal with.
I wish that I'd have tried volunteering instead! I quit the club jobs in my early 30s for personal reasons, and volunteered a lot for a cause I believed in. There I met both a lot of romantic and platonic interests. Unfortunately, the club scene largely ruined me for the next decade, so I turned every romantic interest away.
Another thing I wished I'd have tried in my 20s rather than the club was a class or two per semester at the local community college. I began attending when I was 40ish, and I was shocked by the number of early 20s women who were willing to date and brought their intentions to my step. Thankfully, most of the 18 - 32 year old women didn't interest me, and unfortunately, the remaining who were appropriately aged were already taken, but I think a lot of that has to do with my personal likes and emotional trauma that I carried with me.
It's not all about women finding you as hunky beefcake arm candy or charming, I am quite average looking, tall, but average looking, and my obvious wit and charm are probably more abrasive than not... However,
I never asked women out, they always came to me. Granted they got crazy as I aged, but when I was 20 something, I just placed myself in positions where I was surround by women, and
they came to me.
I'm not sure what you mean by
"trying harder." It's quite an ambiguous statement. I've found that when I approached women in my youth, they were almost always put off, it's "Shields up" and all that. It requires exponentially more charming and wooing of a defensive woman that one who's willingly talking to or has approached me first. The only time I was ever able to approach women and overtly flirt right off the cuff was while I was a DJ at a gay club. The girls just assumed I was a poofter, so their defenses were down, way down, and they were almost
completely vulnerable to the only straight man roaming about. Well, there were actually two types of scenarios where I could pull off approaching women and flirting with them. The first was at the "alternative lifestyle club, and the second would be Hispanic clubs, functions, and the like. Despite my name, I'm a white man who's a little too fond, well
was a little too fond of women. I learned the Spanish language because I found a lot of Hispanic women were really
"charmed" to find a white man speaking their language. I have a
"Cute accent..."
What I learned to do from my Air Force friend was to surround myself with women, make curt casual contact, and let them come to me. Ironically, of those dreamy women I lusted for during my teens and early 20s, I found that despite them having near perfect bodies and faces most really weren't that attractive after all. Average girls generally had a lot less baggage, and therefore were phenomenally more attractive überall. It's funny how the grass is always...
greenlaw1, I hope you find a like minded girl to while away the hours and share your 20s with.
Best of luck,
bolillo
Author's note: Written by an emotional cripple, thus, the aforementioned have been my experiences and not necessarily the truth or norm if you will. Thanks for reading.