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Tonight I took myself off the market, which is the proverbial meat market. I have realized how many men I have tried to meet since divorcing. I am done with it.
I am done with it all since I thought I had something to offer someone. I am not some weird woman, I am educated and clean. I don't do drugs or smoke. I don't carry diseases. I have been told I am attractive. But that's not enough in this day and age. But what is??
Oh, and I can carry on a conversation, I have many interests. That's not enough either. All I asked for was sane. Sane and saner.
So, I love myself enough to say "Stop the train, I want to get off."
Yes, I have had enough of this insanity. It isn't even dating, it's about finding someone who even desires dating.
When your dog can give you more emotional support and love, you know the world is warped.
And I live in a big city, where everyone, and I do mean everyone, is married. Even the neighbor's dog is married.
Since divorcing, I have realized how high maintenance women seem to attract the most men.
Since divorcing, I have realized how many men who are single want to be single.
Since divorcing, I have been told we women take men for granted when we go out to dinner, so I paid my own way.
Since divorcing, I have fixed a toilet, a washing machine, repaired a radiator hose, and killed a giant centipede.
I don't come with a designer label. I don't spend hours getting my hair done, my nails done, and I hate shopping at malls. That's what the internet is for.
I don't have bad hair days. I don't hate having periods. I don't care about candle stores, makeup parties, or tupperware.
I don't dislike sex. I am not a normal woman.
Since I have divorced, I have realized how romanticism doesn't really exist unless you pretend. So much for the realization that one could be desired, just for who one is.
Since divorcing, I have realized how scary it is all is, and what the heck am I doing.
Since divorcing, I have realized how many men are married to women who do not have sex with them. And the guys worship these women. Yet, the single ones want sex, go figure. But I don't want casual sex, I don't care if it is the year 2007.
I realized "Singles Groups" were just really groups for lonely women to hang out in. If I mentioned that there weren't any men in there, I got told, "Why can't you hang out with women and have a good time?" ...to which I replied, "Because I have women friends, and I didn't come to this group for that."
Do I really want all this, the constant turmoil of trying to figure someone's motives out?
There was the canned ham I got for Christmas. It wasn't romantic, but I tried to pretend when I was eating it...alone...that it was the pig of love.
Okay, it was a NICE canned ham, with a pound of uncut bacon.
Then the year I bought a Valentine's Day card, but the guy wouldn't even meet me. All that talking on the phone and emails, but wouldn't meet. How can you reject someone you didn't meet, but spent hours talking to? Was it supposed to be an Eternal Yakfest? Was he hiding that third eye?
I realized, I can be okay alone. I haven't dated all that much since divorcing, and it has been almost 10 years now. I can spend the rest of my life alone. That stuff about putting together and making and sharing a life together is like some Hallmark joke. A Hallmark joke with a sunset and two hands holding. And some line like "Don't let the sun go down on us."
Yeah, but when you get older, the odds are so very slim of finding someone, and what was it the last guy told me...there is something like 12 women for every single man? Well, I am not in line anymore. There is a freedom in getting out of all of this. Parts of me may shrivel up and die, but it won't be my heart and soul. I am done. No more Match.com, no more looking in the grocery store. No more.
Usually when you stop looking, it finds you. So relax and be YOU and stop thinking about Mr. Right. Think about yourself, Ms. Right.
Start having fun doing things that you enjoy. Support some charitable or humanitarian causes...... finding someone through a computer screen is silly and not realistic (although I know there are success stories but they are few and far between). Throw yourself out in the real world so REAL MEN can see how wonderful you are.
Now that you've decided to stop looking, your probably gonna meet the man of your dreams.
It always works out that way(well maybe not always, but it happens lots of times)
It happened to me.
Several years ago, I had gotten out of a very shallow and emotionally draining relationship rooted in infatuation and lust with a guy I met when I was 19 and we were together off and on pretty much till I was 24(Im 33 now). 5 years a lot for someone that young.
Anyway,
After I broke it off for good, it took me a while to get back on the saddle so to speak, but soon I dated "a lot"(and when a gay man admits to that, believe me, we're talking phone book a lot.) Plus Ive always kept a very lean body and(am still) very physically fit and very hot so I had men hitting on me left and right, on the subway, at work, at the store, at church, everywhere. From dumb high schoolers(never touched 'em) to old geezers wanting to be my sugar daddy(but the price was too expensive by my reckoning). Within that same time, I had gone to college and began a very successful career in investments, all the while dating yet never feeling anything aside from momentary sexual gratification-never an emotional connection. After a while, I got bored.
I decided at to take time off from the dating scene(at 27) to try to figure out what I wanted out of a relationship. I knew that I wanted something deeper, but I didnt want it to be draining like my first relationship. So I stopped dating.
Anyway, 6 months later, my dad got sick and required an extended stay at the hospital. He was to be seen by a group of heart doctors and I was with him when they came. It was a very scary time for our family but we were there for each other. So when this group of Id say 6-8 Cardiologists comes into his room, I immediately notice that one of them looks to be around my age-very good looking and feel like Id seen him before but didnt know where. We immediately began giving each other the eyes but it never went past that until my dad recovered and was ready to go home. On the day of dad's release from the hospital, this same doctor, who I had gotten to know really well because he treated my dad and we frequently called each other about my dad but sometimes it led to other small talk and on the night of my dad's transplant stayed with us at the hospital all night sitting next to me-my entire family by this point, we all knew him quite well, this same doctor who I was kinda sad to not see anymore, up and asks me bluntly if Id like to go on a date-he didnt know I was gay but wanted to ask. My heart felt like it was beating faster than it had ever done before, and the butterflies....this was all new to me.
Long story short, well, I guess its too late for that(LOL), we've been together ever since and not a day goes by that I dont consider myself so lucky to have him. He treats me so well and I look into his eyes and I finally know what love is.
Anyway,
This all happened after Id written off the idea of meeting someone. Food for thought.
Hearty congratulations! You are becoming "not needy" and that's a good thing. Now start cultivating real friends and amiable acquaintances. Find new interests outside what has been your normal sphere, invite people over for dinner, take a solo vacation and enjoy the abundance that life has to offer. Being part of a couple isn't the be-all and the end-all. Cheers!
I have heard similar horror stories about web dating. Guess I have to say I got REALLY lucky. I escaped a long term marriage with a nasty, shallow man to find someone whose goal in life is to treat me like a princess. Wow-but the thing I did NOT do and would never do is make dating the focus of my life. My plan was to have my life and meet new people as time allowed. Now, I will admit I am very anal/retentive so I read several hundred profiles on different sites before I ever put mine out there. Here is my personal break down of the ones I read and only my opinion:
60% players [not gender specific]
30% are never coming out from behind their keyboards
30% are sincerely looking to find someone for companionship and possibly more...
The thing I learned by reading all those profiles is there are a lot of people on the sites who think they have just hooked into Ebay or Amazon for ordering a companion. Not many seemed to take into account these are flesh and blood people with real emotions and flaws like every other human being on the planet.
The experiences you wrote of make my blood run cold to think someone could treat a person that way. Again the details you related and the stories I have heard indicate it is not by gender but a lack of compassion on the individuals part. Maybe in all the personality tests the testers need to add a basic human decency rating...those who fail don't get to take up bandwidth...
LOL at the canned ham. Dude should have known what turns women on is fresh moose meat.
Like others have said... when you quit chasing it and just get on with your life.... do what makes you happy for yourself... that's when your chances of finding a match go up.
Sorry things have worked out so poorly but like others have said, now that you have given up you will probably meet someone and they have great advise about getting out and enjoying your interests because thats where you will most likely meet the right person doing something you will have in common. You sound like a great person and when you least expect it that special person will come along. Good luck.
You know, the odd thing is...I haven't really been actively chasing finding a man. I joined Match.com, and really didn't utilize it all that much, didn't contact anyone unless they contacted me. I am pretty busy with work, and wish I had more time to pursue hobbies and such. Just getting the chores done, exercise, and the bills, well, you all know how it is, I am not telling you anything new!
Dating has not been the focus of my life. My job has been...it is a constant struggle and have to constantly learn. There has been no job security, so that is a big thing to be current with things.
I spent the summer traveling, interviewing all over the country, so I had almost no contact with meeting men. I think I met ONE!
Finding someone has not been a priority, because I am a parent too. But there are times, as life is passing me by, I would like to be with someone. I am older, over 50, and I realize it is going to get harder to find someone my age or around my age.
After I divorced, people told me you should wait at least 5-10 years to start redating, and for me, it's been almost that long. If I wait another 10, I will be over 60.
For me, it is getting to the point where it is more of a hassle than a pleasure, more of a avoidance than something to look forward to!
Mainstreet, I had talked to a man online who went on and on about how much money he made. I never asked, and I have never asked anyone how much they make. When I suggested we talk on our cell phones, he said he didn't have a cell phone because they were too expensive. A world of contradictions.
I have tried to be open and be accepting of the differences in people. I might not be exactly what someone else wants either.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nebulous1
You know, the odd thing is...I haven't really been actively chasing finding a man. I joined Match.com, and really didn't utilize it all that much, didn't contact anyone unless they contacted me. I am pretty busy with work, and wish I had more time to pursue hobbies and such. Just getting the chores done, exercise, and the bills, well, you all know how it is, I am not telling you anything new!
Dating has not been the focus of my life. My job has been...it is a constant struggle and have to constantly learn. There has been no job security, so that is a big thing to be current with things.
I spent the summer traveling, interviewing all over the country, so I had almost no contact with meeting men. I think I met ONE!
Finding someone has not been a priority, because I am a parent too. But there are times, as life is passing me by, I would like to be with someone. I am older, over 50, and I realize it is going to get harder to find someone my age or around my age.
After I divorced, people told me you should wait at least 5-10 years to start redating, and for me, it's been almost that long. If I wait another 10, I will be over 60.
For me, it is getting to the point where it is more of a hassle than a pleasure, more of a avoidance than something to look forward to!
Mainstreet, I had talked to a man online who went on and on about how much money he made. I never asked, and I have never asked anyone how much they make. When I suggested we talk on our cell phones, he said he didn't have a cell phone because they were too expensive. A world of contradictions.
I have tried to be open and be accepting of the differences in people. I might not be exactly what someone else wants either.
I think you are very intuitive (the money man & his lack of a cellphone); smart woman. I think part of the problem too is, when men and women are young, they want similar things, but as they get older men and women want different things. Men want more of the SAME and women want what their first partner didn't have, didn't do.
Single is fine with me. I'm 45 and truly believe I haven't seen nothing yet. I feel like things WILL only get better than it already is. I have a completely unknown future, no retirement and I don't care. I'm going to move back home to the beach and I don't care if I have to pour coffee at a diner until I'm 80 years old.
Elberta, Michigan here I come!!!!! (In a few years.)
Lord, I'm starving. One great thing about having a man in your life, he can bring you food when you are working on a holiday.
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). Within that same time, I had gone to college and began a very successful career in investments, all the while dating yet never feeling anything aside from momentary sexual gratification-never an emotional connection. After a while, I got bored.
