Flustered with dating, help? (long-term, women, single, attracted)
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I've never been in a serious relationship, however I'm getting to the point in my life where I want to be in one. I am so used to being single and I'm finding the dating process to be kind of tiring and annoying. I've told guys that I'm dating that I'm not much of a phone talker. I'd rather text or hang out in person. I feel like I struggle for conversation on the phone. And I'm not a fan of constant communication. Ideally I'd like to settle down in have a family at least 3 years from now, but I'm not sure if dating is cut out for me. I like my alone time, but in the same token it's nice to have someone to hang out with so I'm not always by myself. Am I just dating the wrong guys or should I stay single?
When someone says "find someone", that's quite frankly a very vague statement. It makes it sound like you can just go in the backyard and pick your match off the backyard tree. When you're actually searching for your match, and just not another date, it is exactly that, annoying and tiring. When you're serious about getting into a relationship, you tend to weed out a lot of people that are just the dating type. May be fun to talk to, but you can tell that they just aren't what you are needing long-term.
I've had to take a break from dating, because when it came to looking for a good match, I got frustrated. I met a few women that were fun to date, but they just weren't what I was looking for long-term. When you're looking for something long-term, you have to be careful not to waste too much time just dating people you know that aren't going to go anywhere.
What's also hard in dating, post college and not living in a bigger city, you just aren't around a lot of single people. It all takes a balancing act and sometimes you can balance right and sometimes you balance wrong. Just slowly start weeding out what you know you don't want, and then the things you feel you can tolerate. If you feel yourself getting frustrated, come back and try again at a later date.
You can definitely find someone with whom the silence is comfortable! I had that with my ex, and it was great, I thought of it as, 'I can be alone when I am in the same room with him'. Now that I know it's possible, I want that in any future serious relationship. Back to you, what is the longest non-serious relationship you have been in? And have you had roommates? Close friends who you talk to about anything? I am asking so that I can get a sense of what your skillset is.
Oh I see formatting is broken on the forum again. Another important question is, what was the sex like in your other relationships? Did you feel close and connected? Did you have orgasms? I don't mean to pry, and of course you don't have to answer if you don't feel like it, but I have noticed that a lot of girls who come here for advice and are not sure relationships are worthwhile turn out to only have had bad sex. I think that if you have not had orgasms with your partners you are still a virgin, in the important ways. It means you don't know if you would like a relationship because you don't know what one is like. You don't know what you are missing .
When someone says "find someone", that's quite frankly a very vague statement. It makes it sound like you can just go in the backyard and pick your match off the backyard tree. When you're actually searching for your match, and just not another date, it is exactly that, annoying and tiring. When you're serious about getting into a relationship, you tend to weed out a lot of people that are just the dating type. May be fun to talk to, but you can tell that they just aren't what you are needing long-term.
I've had to take a break from dating, because when it came to looking for a good match, I got frustrated. I met a few women that were fun to date, but they just weren't what I was looking for long-term. When you're looking for something long-term, you have to be careful not to waste too much time just dating people you know that aren't going to go anywhere.
What's also hard in dating, post college and not living in a bigger city, you just aren't around a lot of single people. It all takes a balancing act and sometimes you can balance right and sometimes you balance wrong. Just slowly start weeding out what you know you don't want, and then the things you feel you can tolerate. If you feel yourself getting frustrated, come back and try again at a later date.
I live in a large southern city. So I'm around a lot of single people. Unfortunately, they're mostly straight women. So we're kind of in competition for the same thing(although I'm attracted to both men and women). I can usually weed out the guys that want to hook up easily otherwise, I'm at a loss
You can definitely find someone with whom the silence is comfortable! I had that with my ex, and it was great, I thought of it as, 'I can be alone when I am in the same room with him'. Now that I know it's possible, I want that in any future serious relationship. Back to you, what is the longest non-serious relationship you have been in? And have you had roommates? Close friends who you talk to about anything? I am asking so that I can get a sense of what your skillset is.
I've been in a couple of on again and off again non serious relationships for under 6 months. So not long at all for someone that's approaching 30. I haven't had any roommates, I only have acquaintances here. My good friends are 12 hours away. Also in reference to your question about sex, it's been pretty good. I know what I like, however I've only had a connection with a non serious ex gf. I've never had an extremely good time with any of the guys that I've dated. Although, I'm determined to make it happen once I can find a guy to connect with.
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