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LOL seriously? A compliment is sexual harassment now? I'm glad I don't work with people like that
Obviously you wouldn't know professional boundaries or harassment if it bit you on the head...So, you probably are like this. This OP is asking for support and to understand....Add something useful...
Sunny said pretty much everything I was going to say. Some people will try every opportunity. You can find a husband who is not like this, don't worry. Good luck at the job!
Why do married men do this? Some men just like to throw their line in the pond to see if they can get lucky. When new women come into their workplace or social sphere they're fair game to these types of men. These guys fail repeatedly, but even if they only score one time in a thousand, they consider it a win. When this happened to me the married man told me, "A guy's gotta try." You need to be very clear and firm with men like this by saying something like, "I will never go out with a married man. I saw how that behavior devastated my family." If you aren't firm or leave any opening they'll continue to pursue.
Will my future husband pull this crap? Not if you choose wisely. It is scary, but you've got this. Be firm and if that doesn't work tell him you will be going to hr to file a complaint if it happens again. That usually works. Best wishes and stay the course. There are lots of decent men out there who'd love to meet a nice woman with values and integrity.
Thank you Sunnydee. That's exactly what I will tell him. I did see how that behavior messed up my family, and that's why I think it devastates me so. I really like my job so far- everyone else has been very respectful, but this man is really getting to me. Like I'm some kind of prey. Awful feeling.
Thank you, Jan. I have tough skin. I'm a native New Yorker. LOL... I just want to do my job and that's it. I don't want to be harassed again. When I started working 10 years ago, a senior guy would come on to me, and one day slapped me on my butt. I thought I set him straight, but he continued. I asked to be moved and I was. It still continued. It stopped when my new boss (a female) actually witnessed him.
If this escalates, and I hope and pray it doesn't, I'll take it to HR. My question is more basic than that. Bottom line, why do married men behave this way?
Because some ppl are pigs...plain and simple! There are ppl married or single that wouldn't behave this way with a fellow co-worker...seek those folks out in your work atmosphere...I would bet there are a few other women in this agency that would relate to you about this guy...This is probably his MO.
I think some folks do not have healthy boundaries...It is evidenced in the inappropriate comments. It is too hard to analyse the Why...lots of variables...But, at root...somewhere down the line someone bought their BS...which reinforced their behaviors...You aren't that naive...a good thing
Meh this is still debatable. Did he really flirt with you about your eyes and smile or did he just complement them? Outside of that those are all things that as a male I wouldn't think twice about a male coworker doing to me and I would potentially do with a new female coworker.
What's the rest of the work environment like? Are other people friendly? Is this guy friendly to other people?
Is this some kind of hazing process you put first time posters through? Really?
I see why you chose the name you did. Most appropriate. I'm pressing the ignore button on you, buddy.
Is this some kind of hazing process you put first time posters through? Really?
I see why you chose the name you did. Most appropriate. I'm pressing the ignore button on you, buddy.
Your jerk meter works really well I am not worried about you at all
I still don't know why you're afraid as a single woman. There were stupid guys in high school and college, weren't there?
Just roll with it and deflect any unnecessary interaction without burning bridges.
Yes, I am having a visceral reaction. I've been through this before, and it was a horror show. I'm older and wiser now, and this job is important to me. This guy is my age - in his early 30s and has a great relationship with the CEO. So I have to be smart.
Obviously you wouldn't know professional boundaries or harassment if it bit you on the head...So, you probably are like this. This OP is asking for support and to understand....Add something useful...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lapapillon
Is this some kind of hazing process you put first time posters through? Really?
I see why you chose the name you did. Most appropriate. I'm pressing the ignore button on you, buddy.
What both of you need to understand is that although I don't think this is ideal its not in the same league as serious sexual harassment. If she goes and complains to this guy's boss and says she feels harassed then this guy is possibly going to be in some serious trouble. People like to overact to these things in our society.
This is still so borderline and honestly harmless I think the OP shouldn't jump to conclusions and just reinforce the behavior she wants to see. The worst possible outcome with that is he escalates slightly to the point he's clearly hitting on her, at that point she can just say "hey, I'm not interested".
That's the way adults deal with things. Its a lot more civil than jumping to conclusions and accusing people of sexual harassment.
A compliment? Dude. He asked her to have dinner. Pull your head out of the sand.
At some places that's totally normal to do with new employees. I've gone to dinner with my bosses before and they weren't trying to seduce me. Its good to be friendly to the new people and have them on your side.
I agree this whole thing is borderline but none of us have seen it and there are legitimate reasons for everything he has done so far. Innocent until proven guilty my friend.
Actually I think this whole thing is pretty funny. Swap the compliments about her eyes/smile for a compliment about a tie or haircut on a man and this whole thing would be completely acceptable in some fields.
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Pull your head out of the sand.
