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The kids....BOTH parents should willingly give their own lives to save that child in the unfortunate event something like that would happen.
Not everything is life or death though.
My kids had to wait for breakfast (need) because I had to help my husband get dressed so he could get to work on time (need -he had an injury that prevented him from be able to do this for himself).
Since the kids wouldn't starve to death in the 10 minutes it was going to take me to help my husband or be late to school because of this, my husband's needs were met first.
His truck broke down once in the middle of the night. I had to go and pick him up which meant I had to wake my kids up and take them with me. Their need for sleep didn't take priority over my husband's need to be "rescued" from the side of the road in the middle of the night.
I didn't know it was a choice to make. When my children were born they had a lot of needs they could not take care of themselves. It seemed obvious to me that those needs came first.
My husband never verbalized it well but he did feel left out. Once when my youngest was 3 months old he yelled at me because I didn't want to leave the (breastfed) baby and a 2 year old with his parents and go to Europe with him. I was so clueless, I really didn't know what he was trying to tell me or how to put him first. Of course, he had no idea how to put me first either.
Shortly before our separation he brought me a book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger called the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. I read a bit of it and laughed my butt off. How I was supposed to show unconditional respect for a man whose behavior was embarrassing to me is a mystery I will never solve.
Now I've grown up quite a bit and my kids are older, I can forsee a future with a husband where I WILL be able to put him first. But not the way Dr. Laura wants me to......
My parents prioritized the kids. They went to all our soccer games, drove us to every girl scout camping trip, chaperoned field trips, and encouraged us to invite friends over often so they could get to know our social groups better. I can't remember a single weekend away or date night during my childhood. Weekends were spent helping us do our activities.
My husband's parents prioritized each other. They took care of the kids 100%, but they made sure that every Saturday night was their date night (kids went to grandma's), they found a couple's bible study with free child care so they could continually work on their marriage, and while they absolutely still coached baseball teams and baked cookies for class parties, they weren't going to sacrifice their relationship for a bake sale.
Now that both sets of parents are empty nesters, his parents have adjusted to the change much better than mine have. Mine had a rough go of remembering what it was like to be a "married couple" rather than parents.
I hope to emulate DH's parents when our little one comes in a few months. He has a much healthier view of relationships and parenting than I do.
My parents prioritized the kids. They went to all our soccer games, drove us to every girl scout camping trip, chaperoned field trips, and encouraged us to invite friends over often so they could get to know our social groups better. I can't remember a single weekend away or date night during my childhood. Weekends were spent helping us do our activities.
My husband's parents prioritized each other. They took care of the kids 100%, but they made sure that every Saturday night was their date night (kids went to grandma's), they found a couple's bible study with free child care so they could continually work on their marriage, and while they absolutely still coached baseball teams and baked cookies for class parties, they weren't going to sacrifice their relationship for a bake sale.
Now that both sets of parents are empty nesters, his parents have adjusted to the change much better than mine have. Mine had a rough go of remembering what it was like to be a "married couple" rather than parents.
I hope to emulate DH's parents when our little one comes in a few months. He has a much healthier view of relationships and parenting than I do.
Interesting post.
I've heard versions of this same story and there may be some merit to your husbands parents approach. I don't know, as we don't have kids or plan on having them. I do think that for people like your parents the empty nest thing is probably harder to cope with, at least at first anyway.
Shortly before our separation he brought me a book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger called the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. I read a bit of it and laughed my butt off.
My wife bought that book many years ago as a joke. We played Mad Libs with it and she drew a moustache on Dr. Laura.
heres what an older, married guy told me about this subject once: he puts his wife first, then his children, then himself . his wife puts their children first, then herself, then him. either way, the husband comes last.In most cases even dogs are more valued than husbands.
I tried to put the needs of our family first, but sometimes there were difficult choices to be made based on the situation at hand. I found myself forever juggling the needs of my children, my husband, my career, and myself, and I know sometimes my solutions were less than wonderful, but I always tried to do the best I could. Our kids are grown now, my career is over, my dear husband is still with me, and I'm still kicking, so I guess it turned out alright, but it wasn't always easy. Life is truly a balancing act.
I tried to put the needs of our family first, but sometimes there were difficult choices to be made based on the situation at hand. I found myself forever juggling the needs of my children, my husband, my career, and myself, and I know sometimes my solutions were less than wonderful, but I always tried to do the best I could. Our kids are grown now, my career is over, my dear husband is still with me, and I'm still kicking, so I guess it turned out alright, but it wasn't always easy. Life is truly a balancing act.
QFT
My career, which I have spent the last 14 years building, has taken the back seat. It was doable when we were only two + the dog, but now with a baby it has become a real juggling act.
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