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After a relationship, I feel kind of drained. I stay single for however long I feel is necessary. I certainly don't jump from one relationship after another.
After a relationship, I feel kind of drained. I stay single for however long I feel is necessary. I certainly don't jump from one relationship after another.
Yeah this is how I am too. Lots of people just jump to the next though. They feel as if they're going to die if they don't have someone to be with. I, on the other hand, need time to recover.
I don't knock whatever method someone uses because you have to do what makes you feel comfortable, but to each his own.
Lot's of great replies here, thanks. Most of them resonate really well, but I fear this one probably sums it up pretty well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy*
OP, maybe you are "hiding" from yourself by hopping from relationship to relationship?
I've dated casually most of the time, but still consider those "relationships". I guess the opposing emotion to the one quoted above is"
Quote:
I don't want to be alone, I love women and feel the house is incomplete without one.
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I have not actually lived with anyone (HELL NO, I'm not ready for that). I also like the touch of a woman, and of course the physical benefits (sex is so much better with another participant!!)
I actually think the majority of you are right. I need to tone it WAY back. I'm not arguing here, but "talking out" my thoughts. I guess there is a very gray line between dating around, dating casual, and being single and just doing things with friends. (Example: No intentions, I go with a female friend to the art museum, we have a good time together, I start developing some feelings, and want to explore them...)
Blahhhhhhhh. This is very helpful. Thanks all. (Reps coming after this post.)
Oh, about the parenting thing, I've definitely stepped up on that, and need to do more. I have child (teenage girl) on alternating weekends, and we have a blast together. When she is with me, it's all her. And I don't introduce her to anyone. She's met a few as "friends", but has not met a "girlfriend" yet. Long story in a different thread, but parenting has become a lot more rewarding (and fun) since I've been a single dad. It is one example of where I get to be my own person, rather than simply execute someone else's plan...
Lot's of great replies here, thanks. Most of them resonate really well, but I fear this one probably sums it up pretty well.
I've dated casually most of the time, but still consider those "relationships". I guess the opposing emotion to the one quoted above is"
I have not actually lived with anyone (HELL NO, I'm not ready for that). I also like the touch of a woman, and of course the physical benefits (sex is so much better with another participant!!)
I actually think the majority of you are right. I need to tone it WAY back. I'm not arguing here, but "talking out" my thoughts. I guess there is a very gray line between dating around, dating casual, and being single and just doing things with friends. (Example: No intentions, I go with a female friend to the art museum, we have a good time together, I start developing some feelings, and want to explore them...)
Blahhhhhhhh. This is very helpful. Thanks all. (Reps coming after this post.)
Oh, about the parenting thing, I've definitely stepped up on that, and need to do more. I have child (teenage girl) on alternating weekends, and we have a blast together. When she is with me, it's all her. And I don't introduce her to anyone. She's met a few as "friends", but has not met a "girlfriend" yet. Long story in a different thread, but parenting has become a lot more rewarding (and fun) since I've been a single dad. It is one example of where I get to be my own person, rather than simply execute someone else's plan...
It's awesome when a divorce makes for a better parent - so often it goes the other way. My parents stayed married and it was a disaster - I never really knew my mother because she was kind of obscured by her cloud of misery and unhappiness while she was married to my father. By the time they divorced when I was in my 20s and she made her way back to her true self, it was really too late for me to reset our relationship. She wants to be closer, but I can't really forgive all those years of hypercriticism and unnatural pressure and the sadness they caused me. I'm just conditioned at this point not to really like my mother. I treat her with respect and affection, but we will never be truly close. It doesn't help that she won't admit that my childhood was anything less than a Candy Land paradise - even the mildest criticism is met with "You only remember the bad things!"
So kudos on taking a step that will bring you closer to your kid and throwing yourself into that. That's pretty awesome
First, let me just state that there are no right answers, because each person is different. But I'd be curious as to other people's opinion.
My story, I was married for nearly 20 years, and am in mid-40's now. Since being separated, and now divorced, it seems I've dated almost constantly. I've had some exclusive relationships, some pretty serious, and some periods of just dating. I have found that if things get too serious, I get spooked and tend to end the relationship.
So on the other hand, I KNOW that I need to get to know my new self. My "not married" (but still a dad) self. Can that be done while dating? While in a relationship? Only while single? Celebate? Etc...
I may not agree with everyone's answers, I'm sure I won't, but your input is appreciated. What is best for you, and why? (If it's based on personal experience, and if you are willing, please share.)
After my divorce, I dated, but very casually, and did not form an exclusive relationship until about two years after my ex and I separated/18 months after our divorce. I'm still with the same person 6 years later because I was able to take my time, meet all kinds of different people, and feel like I knew my "not married" self enough to want to share my life with someone else.
If you know you need to do that, too, then do it. Take a year off from dating or just date very casually, travel, make friends, take up a new hobby or interest, or renew involvement in an old one. There will always be women around. Later on, if and when when you decide you want a full relationship, the woman you have it with will appreciate that you are ready, willing, and able to go the distance, and that she's not a rebound or a distraction from loneliness or unaddressed issues stemming from the divorce.
To give of yourself wholly, you must first be whole.
After a relationship, I feel kind of drained. I stay single for however long I feel is necessary. I certainly don't jump from one relationship after another.
This is how I feel. After my first relationship I didn't date for like 3 years. I did my own thing for a while. My second relationship left me dazed for months. It was a horrible break up. Just broke up with my ex at the beginning of Nov. Now I just feel emotionally and mentally drained, and I need to just do me for a few months. I have some areas I need to grow in. Is it bad to be 25 1/2 with marriage and kids no where in site?
I have always been hit hard, emotionally, by breakups and tended to go into dating seclusion, mainly to feel sorry for myself. But eventually, I found a formula that worked for me: serial one-night stands to get my self-confidence back followed by a period of restraint and reflection and then....I fall in love with the first woman I meet!
Maybe not the best strategy for anyone, but it worked the last time, 16-17 years ago.
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