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I hope I am not making this gift giving thing more difficult than it is! My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. We are serious and happy but still, we've only been together 5 months. We are 27 and 30. Here is my question... we were recently discussing holiday gifts and set a spending limit for ourselves. Then he told me his brother asked what I wanted for Christmas. I told him his brother absolutely did not need to get me anything- I've only met him a handful of times! My boyfriend then proceeded to tell me that his dad had also asked, and his mom was most certainly getting me gifts (his parents are divorced). I'm flattered they want to buy for me, but honestly I was not planning on getting them gifts.
My mom will probably get him something small, and I doubt my sister will get him anything. And I don't feel that my boyfriend should have to buy for them.
What are your thoughts on exchanging gifts with family members so early on? My boyfriend suggested we split a $60 wine tasting for his mom...but that means I'm spending $30 on her! And since my sister and I do a joint gift for my parents, he wouldn't be giving me money towards that...
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Thanks in advance for your help.
This is sure to be an unpopular statement but I haven't spent a dime on a Christmas gift in over 30 years.
The commercialization of this time of season is a turn off to me.
Maybe I should add (and I don't mean to get off topic) that I am not religious therefore I have no business celebrating this holiday.
Quote:
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?
Yes. As mentioned I can't relate to this. If you feel the need to give a gift give it on your terms. It should never be about the money another person feels you should spend.
It's also okay not to partake in any gift giving. Especially after only 5 months I would give that some serious consideration.
I am 25 and will probably be spending around $100-$150 on gifts for my girlfriends family. I don't know if they will get me much nor does it matter. I think her mom will get me the little mermaid on dvd because my gf told her I'd like that, which is true. I like the classic disneys.
I did feel bad that a few weeks ago my parents sent my gf a birthday present and her mom hasn't given her anything yet, though she claims she will. Kind of sad.
I do understand your situation though in regards to the length of your relationship. 5 months is not that long.
Tough spot. I don't like to give gifts to people I only associate with because of an attachment thru another party. I agree that 5 months is too short to start "acting" like part of the family (no, I'm not saying you are, but that's what the family is doing).
You can give something small to his family, and as far as the gift for his mom, tell him you'd rather not do a "couple" gift, as you're not shacked-up/engaged/married (if that's your feeling). But feel free to get her something on your own.
I hate being treated as a "wife" when I'm not. It just sets up all kinds of expectations from the non-in-laws. Of course, I'm one of those silly women who doesn't refer to my BF's family as my in-laws. They're my BF's family.
Are you with the family a lot, or just occasionally?
I have met his dad once. I've met his mom and brother/sister-in-law/nephew a handful of times- maybe 4 or 5. They are very nice people but we aren't exactly close yet.
you are right on the money!! set the norms up front,,,so they dont bulldoze you-be very verbal with your boyfriend..
people mean well with gifts..
and if you are at a family gathering with gift exchanging is happening-they feel obligated, that everyone gets a gift...so not to feel left out..
so, if new in a relationship- dont go to heavy, holiday gatherings, where gifts will be exchanging..
also, tell your boyfriend upfront- the adults in your family, have very much limited exchanging gifts, xmas is for kids... and you are already over your xmas budget.
and you also be very blunt with your boyfriend, because he may not have the balls to tell his family to back off...
this shyt gets out of hand in a hurry- a feel good thing from them, ends up costing you big bucks,,,
nip it in the bud,,,and stay away from xmas gatherings where they may give you gifts....and you have none for them..
be clear with your boyfriend,,so you wont get gift ambushed..
and if he insists, YOU TELL HIM TO PAY FOR IT...
i got thrown in this situation years ago, and i ended up spending more on her relatives, than i did my own,,,i didnt want to be cold hearted or sound cheap, it was all for "show" to please my new girlfriend- she wanted me to make a good "impression" .....she couldnt tell them to back off...
this was foolish, and stupid...
dont get caught up in this
Last edited by mainebrokerman; 11-26-2013 at 01:26 AM..
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