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That is fair but having sex with a new partner for the first time you both might be nervous . So I think you can expect to much the first few times . I think a 3 strikes your out is not a bad policy the first time do not but to much stock into it, but the 2nd and 3rd time might be better.
I agree. However, sometimes, you just know no matter what it's not going to be what you want/need. Know what I mean?
So recently I went on a few dates (3) with a guy I met online. We had been having a great time, and texting throughout the day every day. This was over a period of 3 weeks. After the 4th date we went back to my place and had a great time, and even had a date the very next night.
He was leaving the next day for a vacation so I didn't try and text him because I didn't want to annoy him. I wished him a happy thanksgiving to which he replied "you too!" Then nothing. I assumed he was busy on his trip. A few days after he returned I asked him how the trip was and nothing. A week later I said hi and nothing. I have pretty much written him off, although I feel pretty crumby about the way he chose to end things with me.
I was talking to one of my guy friends and he didn't seem suprised that he never texted back. His reasoning was "when you sleep with a guy too soon it shows you have no self esteem, a lack of confidence, and a lack of maturity. There is no more reason to get to know you". I found this a little hurtful. I am 27 and the guy is 33, and I was hoping by this age someone could take 10 minutes out of their day to say "I don't want to see you anymore" at least over a text.
What do you think? Was I "not worth getting to know"?
Here's the deal. Men are hard wired to want sex, even if they're possibly throwing away their future wife.
The "unwritten rules" are as follows. You need to wait until you REALLY know someone and 3 or 4 dates isnt enough.
Hold out and play hard to get...if you are worth waiting for, the guy will wait. If a guy is a good catch, he's also looking for a good catch, he's looking for a girl who could be responsible enough to be his wife and the mother of his children....and having sex with a guy you just met might not be responsible enough for him.
And, i know that you're probably thinking "but he wanted it". Yes, all men want it, and many of them don't know what's good for them...so, you have to show him, that you are MORE responsible and YOU are going to decide when the time is right and you're not going to be put under any pressure to do so.
Its a tangled web we weave, there are a lot of "games"..you just have to learn to play the game the right way.
Hold out and play hard to get...if you are worth waiting for, the guy will wait. If a guy is a good catch, he's also looking for a good catch, he's looking for a girl who could be responsible enough to be his wife and the mother of his children....and having sex with a guy you just met might not be responsible enough for him.
What about women that never had casual sex but aren't interested in ever having kids? Is procreation and being a housewife staying at home 24/7 the only purpose they're looking for?
I had certain people at a former workplace confused me for a future procreating machine. I got asked questions such as when I'm getting married or when I'm going to have kids. They even asked what I'm going to cook for my future husband. Within me I was thinking ''What the hell, I don't sleep around around but I don't want that lifestyle''. Definitely not interested in that conventional lifestyle.
I would think sleeping with a guy on the first date would be a better way to weed out the players. Not only does one get to have sex, but it's a quicker way to find out who the pump and dumpers are. Why wait a month?
Apart from consequences such as STDs, HPV and potential pregnancy.
By doing that you are likely to lose interest in sex. It will end up feeling meaningless. The second time you do it is a lot more special than the 100th. Sex is a lot more than just the physical act and how you think is extremly important. You also risk that your brain gets wired towards having random sex. That means once you try to settle down, you will easily get bored.
I would think sleeping with a guy on the first date would be a better way to weed out the players. Not only does one get to have sex, but it's a quicker way to find out who the pump and dumpers are. Why wait a month?
Except that for a woman who wants a relationship and not to be pumped and dumped, being pumped and dumped isn't the desireable outcome. It makes the sex bad. I've never heard a woman say, "well, the date was terrible, he was rude, and he left after sex, but at least I got laid!" What I hear in real life is, "I can't believe I fell for his crap and slept with that idiot. Never again."
So recently I went on a few dates (3) with a guy I met online. We had been having a great time, and texting throughout the day every day. This was over a period of 3 weeks. After the 4th date we went back to my place and had a great time, and even had a date the very next night.
He was leaving the next day for a vacation so I didn't try and text him because I didn't want to annoy him. I wished him a happy thanksgiving to which he replied "you too!" Then nothing. I assumed he was busy on his trip. A few days after he returned I asked him how the trip was and nothing. A week later I said hi and nothing. I have pretty much written him off, although I feel pretty crumby about the way he chose to end things with me.
I was talking to one of my guy friends and he didn't seem suprised that he never texted back. His reasoning was "when you sleep with a guy too soon it shows you have no self esteem, a lack of confidence, and a lack of maturity. There is no more reason to get to know you". I found this a little hurtful. I am 27 and the guy is 33, and I was hoping by this age someone could take 10 minutes out of their day to say "I don't want to see you anymore" at least over a text.
What do you think? Was I "not worth getting to know"?
You BOTH had sex, so why is it the woman who has low self esteem and is labeled as easy for having sex after so many dates? How unfair. If that's how OP's friend sees women, then I agree I might be rethinking the friendship.
The only loser in this story is the guy who didn't have enough balls to at the very least send you a text and let you know he was not interested in seeing you again. OP, quality men don't judge women for how fast they have sex. They know sex happens when both people want it to whether that's the first date or the tenth. And regardless of when sex happens, they are man enough to at least let you know when things are over.
He's not worth doubting yourself. You are worth it. He's not.
Here's the deal. Men are hard wired to want sex, even if they're possibly throwing away their future wife.
The "unwritten rules" are as follows. You need to wait until you REALLY know someone and 3 or 4 dates isnt enough.
Hold out and play hard to get...if you are worth waiting for, the guy will wait. If a guy is a good catch, he's also looking for a good catch, he's looking for a girl who could be responsible enough to be his wife and the mother of his children....and having sex with a guy you just met might not be responsible enough for him.
And, i know that you're probably thinking "but he wanted it". Yes, all men want it, and many of them don't know what's good for them...so, you have to show him, that you are MORE responsible and YOU are going to decide when the time is right and you're not going to be put under any pressure to do so.
Its a tangled web we weave, there are a lot of "games"..you just have to learn to play the game the right way.
I strongly disagree with this logic.
IMO, if you want sex, have sex, 1st date or 50th
sometimes when people wait too long to have sex, someone gets bored and bolts.
Sometimes when people have sex quick, like 1st date, they get bored and bolt. Why? Cause the early sex may have got their attention, but the personalities just don't match. In those cases, sex or no sex, a relationship wasnt goin to happen.
The problem is, sometimes people have trophy type relationships that may include attractive partners and good sex, but the two people dont really like each other that much.
2 kids, a nasty divorce, and thats how some people learn, oops, I married the wrong person.
For the most part, unless one person that engages in early date sex has many options to choose from, they will typically give the person a chance. But if a guy is sleeping with 20-30 women a year, his main agenda may solely be to have new exciting random sex. Once that thrill is over (and is is often over once he has sex the first time), he ghosts or says, "I'm just not feeling it" regardless of whether or not you are a porn star.
Everyone wants the best they can get. Problem is, a lot of the time, the best has more options than you realize, and simply, just cause you want the best, doesnt mean you are that best persons' best. If you follow.
Dating isnt easy.
When you want to date a man or woman that you think is the best, how do you convince them YOU are the best? Many times, we wont be the other persons beat, so they move on. And then sometimes the best we find doesnt even want a relationship. They just enjoy constantly being new peoples best. And then they move on. And move on. And again, and you get the idea.
There are a lot of dumb guys out there. And a terrible double standard.
One time I did they same, it seemed really soon in retrospect, but got caught up in the moment. But then soon after I started having my own doubts on our suitability. It was really interesting, because before I ended it with him, he started a conversation about how he wanted to make sure it was more than a "hookup" and he wanted to get to know me better, have something long term...blah blah blah.
But reality was he was way too selfish, and pretty inconsistent about actually being "available" for a relationship. Which is why I said no. But I guess in some ways, jumping into it early just accelerated the finality of the whole thing and made it a lot easier to come to a clear decision.
In your case you got to come to a clear decision...he was a jerk! And you found out early.
I slept with someone on the 1st "date" and want to get to know her better. Not because of the sex, but because her personality is just that awesome. It wasn't really a date though. Mutual friends hanging out.
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or 50th 
