Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
One thing to remember is that you can be rejected for a lot of reasons outwith your control: maybe the other person is gay, not looking to date, has personal problems, just lost their job etc. The point I'm making is that it could be nothing to do with who you are as a person. Technically when someone rejects you, they aren't rejecting YOU - they are rejecting your approach or your offer. How can they reject you when they don't even know you? It could be them that's the problem not you.
If you applied for some jobs and got rejected, it would be disappointing but wouldn't deter you to keep looking & trying again would it? Or if you asked a friend to go to the cinema & they said no, you would still ask other friends you like if they want to go instead?
The above is how I'm trying to look at it regarding dating, although easier said than done.
It also depends on past sucess,if youre somebody who has alot of sucess with attracting the opposite sex you can easily brush off a rejection because you know another one is coming around the corner..
If youre like me 33 and never had sucess then each rejection is a blow because it reaffirms im not attractive to the opposite sex..
Rejection certainly hurts but why? Is it because our ego says, "How dare she/he does not like me! How dare she/he think I am not good enough for her/him!"
This is why rejection hurts - our ego refuses to believe that we are ordinary and other people could reject us for being ordinary.
Just food for thought.
No, it hurts because it's being denied something that you want. That's never a good thing.
Because we have a strong motivation to seek approval and acceptance.
I handle it the same way I handle everything. I reflect on what lessons are to be gained from the experience and then I move along. That´s life.
One thing to remember is that you can be rejected for a lot of reasons outwith your control: maybe the other person is gay, not looking to date, has personal problems, just lost their job etc. The point I'm making is that it could be nothing to do with who you are as a person. Technically when someone rejects you, they aren't rejecting YOU - they are rejecting your approach or your offer. How can they reject you when they don't even know you? It could be them that's the problem not you.
If you applied for some jobs and got rejected, it would be disappointing but wouldn't deter you to keep looking & trying again would it? Or if you asked a friend to go to the cinema & they said no, you would still ask other friends you like if they want to go instead?
The above is how I'm trying to look at it regarding dating, although easier said than done.
That's a good way of looking at it!
If it's a circumstance where you don't even know the person you're asking out, you're simply asking a question and they're answering. And when you don't know anything about them, you also don't get to know their reasons. I liken it to Girl Scouts trying to sell cookies, and not knowing if a person they ask likes cookies, is allergic to cookies, is on a strict diet, or just doesn't want the cookies.
Simply asking someone out and not liking their answer is not quite the rejection of being in a relationship where you've invested, time, energy, effort, emotion, etc. and that person rejects you for reasons that have something to do with who you are/what you've done.
I can agree that you do in a way seek reaffirmation from the other person. You want to feel like the prize. Don't we all feel that way when we finish high school, move into our first apartment and/or house, graduate college, purchase our first car, etc? It's not always about seeking approval as the be all to end all, but the decisions we make reflect our thought process. Even more so when we are comparing ourselves to our peers. Do I have what it takes to beat out the competition in the upcoming job interview? Do I have what it takes to remain focused on this big project my boss handed to me?
Not only do we not want to disappoint other people, but we don't want to disappoint ourselves either. Maybe we see rejection as a minute level of disappointing someone else. We can say all day not to be disappointed if you are rejected by someone you don't know and I commend the people that can brush it off very easily. For myself, if I get rejected by a few people consecutively, I start to think if there's something wrong that I'm doing. I know if I've been chatting with someone for a couple of weeks, and we seem to not see eye to eye, I'm disappointed a little till the next day. For some people, it's really hard to stare at the face of defeat, on the dating level, and continue to be positive. I know for myself that I can get a little down on my luck too. Dating has a tendency to flow in waves.
I don't think the pain of rejection has anything to do with fear of being "ordinary." One can be ordinary and not be rejected. It has to do with not feeling accepted, which is something that bothers some more than others, and will bother people more in some contexts than others.
It only stings a bit the first 150 times or so. After that, its no big deal. Everyone man gets rejected at some point in their lives, its just a part of our existence. I agree with a couple of the posters above, it is often external reason of why we get rejected yet some have tendency to internalize it. There is a million reasons of why someone may get rejected, and very few have to do with who you are and what you represent. The best course of action for guys interested in having success in dating is to approach a lot, and learn from rejections if there is anything to be learned. If you do this and maintain the proper frame of mind, soon it wont sting at all, your approaches will improve dramatically, and instead of beating yourself up for being rejected you will be congratulating yourself on having balls to approach in the first place.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
