Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My wife and I got married last year after knowing each other for 10 years and been in relationship for 3 years.
The main reason we decided to marry in the first place was we were worried that she may not obtain her working visa. US immigration was giving her hard time on her Visa application. She was a student before she started working in Los Angeles, and she was using her F1 student visa that time. She tried really hard to get her working visa status. Unfortunately, US immigration people acted like jerks and ass, looking for every possible ways or every small details (like her hand writing was bad, a $200 transaction in her checking account) to refuse giving her working visa.
We though getting married is probably the only way to solve this issue so she can stay. We then went to civil hall to get all the paperwork done, no ring, no wedding, basically I did nothing.
2 months later, we got a letter telling her visa application was denied again because her salary was too low for a person with master degree. She was angry and upset, and she said she wanted to go back to see her family. It has been almost 4 years she didn't see her parents and relatives. We then agreed that she will be back within 3 months in February. Just before she went home, we found she was pregnant. I was very surprised, nervous, but very happy that I am going to be a father.
Things started to change after she went back. She asked me to prepare a big wedding in her country, buy an expensive ring (something like $10k), and send her money so she can spend there. What I did was I sent her a $10k check and told her that is I could do for now. I also told her I am the only earner right now, so we need to plan carefully. I asked her to enjoy her time there since baby was the most important thing and we can plan for everything together in February.
This year, I enrolled her to my company's medical plan for her and paid the most expensive plan, cos I wanted her and the baby to get the best doctor and facility as possible. In Feb, she told me that she is not coming back because she doesn't feel I care about this marriage and baby, she then asked for the big wedding and an expensive ring again. That time, I really didn't want to argue too much because I wanted her to have a relax time. I told her we need to a plan and need to save money first before these can happen.
In August, she was about to deliver the baby and I took 3 weeks paid time off to go visit her and her family. Before this, I already sent a lot of items and tried everything I can to make her happy, except the wedding and expensive ring. When I was there, my baby was born and my parents even took flight to there and share the treasure time with us.
Things happened when my parents were in the hospital. Her parents asked my parents for all kind of things, like the wedding, ring, gifts, and etc... My parents really didn't know how to respond and they only said it has to be decided by me and my wife. Her parents insisted we need to show them a favor cos they don't want to deliver the baby for free without a wedding, gifts and things like that. They even insulted me that I am not making enough income for her daughter and things like this. Few days later, they refused to give my son's birth certificate as the evident to show my company for paternity leave. I wasn't really happy, but still paid the expensive hospital bill although I also paid her medical plan here in US.
Today, they still refuse to let me see the baby unless I show them a favor, prepare a wedding in her country, bring gifts, ring, and other things. In fact, I am just a young person still do whatever to survive at my work. I really don't know what to do and what to say. But I really want to see my son. Can someone please help me what should I do? Just last night, she called and asked me to send another $2000 because she already spent the $5000 I gave her few months ago.
Just to clarify, you are legally married and she left two months later, and she is living in a different country? She keeps asking for $10,000 rings, an expensive wedding and thousands of dollars per month? Are you 100% sure that the baby is your baby? Did you receive a copy of the birth certificate and are you named as father (whether or not you are really the father)?
Hmmm, it sounds like you are being used and it may be time to consider a divorce and to start to pay reasonable child support (after a paternity test).
If she really loved you she would not demand another wedding as you are already legally married.
If she really loved you she wouldn't care about an expensive engagement ring.
If she really loved you she would not allow her parents to "bad mouth" you.
If she really loved you she would be trying to figure out how to move back to the US to be with you.
You need to talk to an attorney right away.
Maybe she loved you at one time but she certainly isn't acting very loving right now. What do you think that she would say if you asked her to move back to the US to live with you and the baby right now? Would she say yes? Or would she say "I need a $10,000 engagement ring and a $30,000 wedding first?"
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-21-2013 at 03:51 PM..
Yes, we were legally married in Los Angeles last year. It was mainly to help her to stay in US, but we never lived together. I worked in San Diego and she worked in Los Angeles that time. I am about 80-90% sure the baby is mine, he really looks like me.
She asked me for expensive ring, wants me to prepare a wedding in her country and I've sent her $16000 cash since last November, also paid the hospital bill when baby was born, sent many items and gifts, in addition to I also bought a lot of household items for her and baby when I visited her in August.
She asked me to prepare a big wedding in her country
Just outta curiosity, why would she want you to prepare the wedding? Pay for it, yes, but prepare it? That's a rather unusual request in most cultures. Do you mind divulging which country you're talking about?
Yes, we were legally married in Los Angeles last year. It was mainly to help her to stay in US, but we never lived together. I worked in San Diego and she worked in Los Angeles that time. I am about 80-90% sure the baby is mine, he really looks like me.
She asked me for expensive ring, wants me to prepare a wedding in her country and I've sent her $16000 cash since last November, also paid the hospital bill when baby was born, sent many items and gifts, in addition to I also bought a lot of household items for her and baby when I visited her in August.
I am not an attorney, but if you never lived together you may be able to get the married annulled.
If you are only 80 to 90% sure that the baby is yours I would not sent her one more penny until you have proof from a legitimate paternity testing company in the US. Babies look like babies. The real father may just be of the same ethnic group or she may have deliberated dated men that looked somewhat alike.
I am really sorry, but I suspect that she may be collecting money and asking for $10,000 diamond rings from other men as well.
She wants me to prepare the wedding to show I am sincerely care about this marriage. Probably her family can look good in front of everyone. I told her I have no problem to prepare it in US and pay for it, but I have no idea and know nothing in her country. Also I need to focus on my job and my career here, I am the only one making money now, so I really cannot give up my job and just go there to prepare this.
The main reason we decided to marry in the first place was we were worried that she may not obtain her working visa.
Uh... why would this rather pragmatically motivated marriage suddenly require caring about?
Anyway, I agree with the suggestion that you should see an attorney at your earliest convenience. I don't believe you will find any on City-Data that will work for free.
For future reference, OP, when Immigration is being obstructionist and petty like you describe (lame excuses for not approving her change in visa status), hire a lawyer. You'd be surprised how obstacles vanish when you have a specialist pushing the paperwork and making calls. It's worth the expense.
However, this woman is not one you should be involved in any more. What she and her parents are doing is extortion. You may have a good chance of having a lawyer declare the marriage void due to abandonment by your spouse. The demands they're making have nothing to do with you proving you're serious about the marriage, that's ridiculous. You were serious enough, she's the one who flew the coop and is refusing to return, plus is expecting you to support her, the baby, and the entire family. Don't fall for this ruse. She obviously doesn't care about you, because she ditched you . Get a lawyer, get out of it, and don't look back.
P.S. She's also using your son as bait to keep you forking money over, and to keep you involved. A lawyer can advise you on how to maintain some kind of visitation rights, and what your obligations may be toward the child, if you do want to stay involved with the child. If I were you, I'd cut my losses in that regard (she used you as a sperm donor, pretending the birth control failed), but I realize this can be an emotional issue. Only you can decide, but you absolutely MUST get a GOOD immigration lawyer! You may have no legal obligations toward the child due to her abandonment of you. Just saying.
Good luck!
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-21-2013 at 04:35 PM..
You have not mentioned what country she is from. If she's from a country where people make 50 cents a day, $16k will go a loooong way - or furnish a place for the entire neighborhood to live.
I agree with the others. Find an attorney - one that specializes in international parental right issues.
IF this really is your child, she is blackmailing you with him/her. What a lovely mother!
Babies look like babies. That's why they put a name tag on them in the hospital. Parents used to go home with the wrong baby quite frequently.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
