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I will try to get straight to the point.I met my GF a year after undergrad when I was doing research and was attempting to go into dental school. When factoring costs and time and my ultimate goal to be with her, I went to the field of rehabilitative medicine as my networks provided me good funding and the doctorate took a year less. Unfortunately this pursuit lead us to be long distance. I told my GF I wanted to propose to her the year before I graduated and then marry her right after I completed my degree. When that time came I saved up what I could for a year ($3k) for a ring. I know some might view it as modest but I was still working to pay the remaining tuition that wasn’t covered and travel expenses weren't minimal to see her when I could. I started making inquiries on rings bc I wanted to get something she would like. BIG MISTAKE! That lead to arguments about how she wanted $10k+ rings and how I thought she was being a brat( other adjectives could be used here) . the fight ended with her saying “she didn’t want to stress me out and that it was best not too worry about $ and wait till I graduate". Not too much after I discovered that for the first ½ of the relationship she was in contact with her ex (while I was under the impression she hated and never spoke to him) and that they’d been intimate with each other. All hell broke loose but we found away to end up with each other. Fast Fwd, Im 3 months away from graduating in good field and psyched about the future. we get into a discussion of how she doesn’t view me as an adult bc technically im a “student” and me and all my doctoral classmates don’t have grown up lives. This really struck a nerve bc I pay $30k out of pocket with my JOB which is about as much as she makes being a preschool teacher and putting my self through this program has been torture that I endured for her/us. The convo continued with how she resented me for not proposing like my original intentions or giving her the life she was taught she would have aka married by 23 and a house wife by 25. She is only 26. With all that Ive been thru with her, I flipped out and called her on all her BS, including how she expects to be happy or with anyone if she keeps doing f'd up things, and eventually told her she was broken. After cooling down, we both apologized. I don’t like hurting the one I love but she really needed a wake up. Its been a few days and I wanted to check on her but she’s blocked me from about every way of communicating with her since we’re not in the same city at the moment. Should I just move on or give it time?
WOW! It's a good thing you saw this side of her BEFORE you got married! You need this woman like you need a hole in the head. Sorry, OP, but there are better women out there, who won't demand a $10,000 ring from you and a cushy stay-at-home lifestyle right after you graduate.
She did you a favor by blocking you. You dodged a bullet. Best of luck for your future. You'll do fine.
P.S. $3000 for a ring is about par these days, according to a thread we had on the topic. Some women are happy with ANY ring, they're so thrilled to be getting married to their beloved guy! Look for the thrilled ones, not the keeping-score ones. The ones who are happy with a walk in the park and a picnic lunch, vs. those who expect an expensive dinner.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-06-2014 at 12:15 PM..
Why are you even asking these questions? She's a nightmare and a golddigger. What exactly do you miss about her? She's given you a "Get out of jail free" card - take it.
Next time, try to date someone who doesn't have a princess complex. The very fact that you maintained a relationship for so long with someone so repellant indicates you need to do quite a bit of work on yourself. Take a break from dating and think about what kind of partner would actually add to your life and your happiness.
She resents / is mad at you for not buying a bigger ring, not giving her the life she wants, not buying a house at the age she wanted one.....
Instead of appreciating you for all you have accomplished she resents you for not accomplishing all she wanted..... for herself.
I would leave her to do some growing up herself, and let her accomplish her own list of things she wants.
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Wow, Lam.... let me start this off by saying as a female, I would be highly upset if my boyfriend spent even $3k on a ring for me, when that money could go towards a house payment, savings, the wedding, traveling, etc. I think $3k is pretty darn generous. But 10k? That is nothing short of absurd. You're in school for chrissakes. That's almost enough to buy a damn car! She has pretty extravagant tastes for a preschool teacher. Her behavior REALLY rubs me the wrong way. She sounds like she's either VERY immature, or VERY bratty. Probably both, to be honest. If she's attractive, she knows it and is using it to her advantage to make ridiculous demands. This is not the behavior of a strong, independent woman...this is someone trying to take advantage of you. How does she have the gall to demand such things while you're busting your butt trying to get through school? I...I can't even wrap my head around this. She sounds more interested in the ring than the marriage, which should be a HUGE red flag.
You sound like a nice guy with your goals and ambitions together. You can do better. You deserve someone who wants a partnership; someone who will take care of you and treat you well...not someone who expects everything handed to her. If this is a long distance thing, consider it a blessing and there's a reason this distance happened.
She sounds selfish and very immature. When she doesn't get her way, she blocks your calls. How can you deal with that? You might find yourself always giving in to what she wants.
If she was taught to get married by 23...., maybe that is why she is talking to her ex. Kinda like, whoever gives her what she wants, gets to marry her. Whatever you do, take it slow.
If she was taught to get married by 23...., maybe that is why she is talking to her ex. Kinda like, whoever gives her what she wants, gets to marry her. Whatever you do, take it slow.
I agree. She's shopping around for the highest bidder. She's not about having genuine companionship, she's about checking things off her timeline list with whoever's willing to provide for her lifestyle.
If she was taught to get married by 23...., maybe that is why she is talking to her ex. Kinda like, whoever gives her what she wants, gets to marry her. Whatever you do, take it slow.
No, haha--call her bluff and let her ex have her. They probably deserve each other. Let him handle the princess, while the OP moves on to greener and happier pastures.
OP, learn to screen out the demanding types. It's a crucial skill. Also: don't marry someone who cheats on you. Unless that's what you really want.
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