Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If you have no reason to have one, then don't get one. It seems you're pretty happy with your life, why complicate it
Very true, that makes sense. I honestly though I was in error given the frequency I hear it. I think my parents just want grand-kids, now that they're both nearly 70.
Yes, I think that would be the calm, rational, adult way of handling things. Wouldn't make him sound defensive at all.
It's apparent by your post that you've read 'How to win friends and influence people.'
Sometimes that is necessary sometimes are very pushy about the subject and step out of bounds where its stop being concern and starts becoming intruding. If its intrusive he as every right to be "defensive".
I agree that should not be the default response but sometimes if given the frequency or the situation it can warranted.
Sometimes that is necessary sometimes are very pushy about the subject and step out of bounds where its stop being concern and starts becoming intruding. If its intrusive he as every right to be "defensive".
I agree that should not be the default response but sometimes if given the frequency or the situation it can warranted.
When you go on the defensive, no matter how intrusive you think someone is being, you automatically set yourself up for them actually thinking they are right. It really solves nothing and just makes you look worse. There are always calmer and rational ways to these things.
My father would go on and on at me at holiday dinners which would subsequently explode into my getting defensive and us arguing and one of us stormed out. It solved nothing and just made me look worse for it. I have since found more security with myself and do not engage the conversation with defensive tactics. Because secretly, he just loved to get under my skin and my getting defensive just gave him exactly what he wanted. A calmer, more adult and rational approach by me in these situations worked well in my favor and got my point across better. When you go defensive you are simply seen as being irrational or that you have something to hide. "Thanks for your concern, but it's all good" (change the subject by asking someone else how they were) was enough.
Nothing you say or do is going to stop a beligerant person from asking you lame-ass inquisitive questions. How YOU handle it says more about you and your message than it will ever say about them.
Last edited by Thursday007; 01-09-2014 at 01:46 PM..
I get this from a few friends, some acquaintances and most recently my parents who seem to find it slightly disturbing. Last night, a few platonic friends of mine actually expressed some genuine concern once they found out I've never really been in a typical, "lovey-dovey", romantic, non-platonic relationship.
What is the driving force behind people telling me this? I never really understood it. I have a great social life, have close friends I can fool around with if we're both in the mood (one of my best friends is platonic, yet we have "adult sleepovers" every now and then), and I'm not nearly as shy around women I find attractive as I used to be. I've never really found the need to purse a relationship with someone, as I'm pretty satisfied with friends, best friends, and friends with benefits.
Why all the pressure to get into a relationship? I'm 26, but I really don't feel this dire pressing need to find a boyfriend or girlfriend. I personally don't see anything wrong with never having been in a relationship before.
It's a good response which has been posted frequently in this thread. Allow me to play devil's advocate with that statement and see how it actually encourages more of the same inquisitive questions.
-The right one hasn't come along.
-Well, what's the problem, you're a good looking guy and do well for yourself you'd be a great catch for a great girl.
-Well, I haven't met her yet.
-I know plenty of great women who would really go for a guy like yourself.
-No, thanks
-Well, why not, what have you got to lose? You aren't seeing anyone now.
I could continue, but you see where this is sort of an open ended response and may invite more unwanted questions.
I get this from a few friends, some acquaintances and most recently my parents who seem to find it slightly disturbing. Last night, a few platonic friends of mine actually expressed some genuine concern once they found out I've never really been in a typical, "lovey-dovey", romantic, non-platonic relationship.
What is the driving force behind people telling me this? I never really understood it. I have a great social life, have close friends I can fool around with if we're both in the mood (one of my best friends is platonic, yet we have "adult sleepovers" every now and then), and I'm not nearly as shy around women I find attractive as I used to be. I've never really found the need to purse a relationship with someone, as I'm pretty satisfied with friends, best friends, and friends with benefits.
Why all the pressure to get into a relationship? I'm 26, but I really don't feel this dire pressing need to find a boyfriend or girlfriend. I personally don't see anything wrong with never having been in a relationship before.
"A boyfriend or girlfriend???'
Maybe they think you are confused.
Maybe they want you to settle down with someone. On their eyes hopefully a 'girlfriend.'
My response in such a situation would be, "If you're so concerned over my romantic prospects and apparent failure up to now, might I enlist your services in securing for me a suitable companion"? That would completely turn the tables.
When you go on the defensive, no matter how intrusive you think someone is being, you automatically set yourself up for them actually thinking they are right. It really solves nothing and just makes you look worse. There are always calmer and rational ways to these things.
My father would go on and on at me at holiday dinners which would subsequently explode into my getting defensive and us arguing and one of us stormed out. It solved nothing and just made me look worse for it. I have since found more security with myself and do not engage the conversation with defensive tactics. Because secretly, he just loved to get under my skin and my getting defensive just gave him exactly what he wanted. A calmer, more adult and rational approach by me in these situations worked well in my favor and got my point across better. When you go defensive you are simply seen as being irrational or that you have something to hide. "Thanks for your concern, but it's all good" (change the subject by asking someone else how they were) was enough.
Nothing you say or do is going to stop a beligerant person from asking you lame-ass inquisitive questions. How YOU handle it says more about you and your message than it will ever say about them.
Just because they think they are right does not mean they are right. If they can't figure out why they are not being intrusive that is on them. That is just fundamental attribution error at work putting on the person and not the situation.
I said before it should not be the default to go on high attack but sometimes its warrranted some people will think that you something to hide, while others will think nothing of it nothing is cut and dry.
Tell em they need a beer! The only one who can tell you what you need is you. When you are ready for commitment you will find it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Wouldn't make him sound defensive at all.
