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I've posted in here a bit the last couple months. I moved in with my gf who has three kids. It's awesome I love it but why do I let **** bother me. She's amazing but she will come up to me and rub my crotch and it's affectionate and fun and she says it keeps things fun and it does but then I immediate think did she do this with the father of the kids? Why does it bother me? Past is the past but I can't get over these stupid things that I never cared about before when we met but now that I moved in and care and love her more this **** ruins my mood causing me not to be myself. She picks up on it and I've talked about it but don't want her to know it bothers me because I love everything she does it's just my way of thinking.
We all have a past and baggage we carry around and the older you get the more of it you have.
Often, people like to think they are the ONE and the only one that makes a person do affectionate things, that they have conquered, no one ever loved them the way you do and it's special.
You definitely have to come to terms with it, because if it bothers you to a point of such anger, frustration and irritation like you have in your post, it could be to the detriment of your relationship. Then the next person will also have a past as well.
If her having three kids doesn't bother you why would anything else? You do know how those kids were created? It amazes me when men who have probably slept around have issues with women who have done the same thing. The double standard needs to stop.
You know you're having issues. Most likely you have a chemical imbalance or some minor psych problem that needs to be straightened out. Go to the doc. It's much better than obsessing over your ex's past. Odds are, you have other issues, too. Weird obsessive thoughts are usually not isolated to one subject.
That's a shame you have allowed yourself to enter these kids lives before coming to grips with this. The potential collateral damage to those kids is terrible. However, at this point, this will only end badly. I would suggest you go to a couples counselor and talk to them about this. I would ask your therapist on how to bring this up to her with the intent of her joining you in therapy to hash this out.
You made a mistake, we all do. Try to do the best you can to fix it. If you choose to do nothing, it will eventually manifest into tension, anger, and just be a big mess for all involved.
This is my second relationship and I'm 26 I got out of a 8 year relationship last year then lost weight and then the last 6 months it took me awhile to decide if I wanted to be with her because of kids then everything grew on me.
I find myself worrying about the past and not the present like I was. She made her ex seem terrible and she just saw my exs picture and it's just made me think about the **** I posted.
I haven't slept around FYI. I know she has three kids the problem is that the ex was very controlling and very manipulative and would make her feel like **** and she couldn't ever express her emotions or she was crazy. He used to tell her if she left him it would ruin the kids lives and on top of that her self esteem and have kids already she didn't think anyone would want her
I personally think at 26 you're simply too young to hook up with a woman with 3 kids, who obviously has some issues around her ex. You don't have the life experience to deal with complexity and this is manifested in your obsession with her past. It doesn't matter what anyone tells you, you are the only one who can control your thoughts. By indulging yourself in rumination you are simply never going to move past this. But again, I think a lot of this is your relative immaturity.
I haven't slept around FYI. I know she has three kids the problem is that the ex was very controlling and very manipulative and would make her feel like **** and she couldn't ever express her emotions or she was crazy. He used to tell her if she left him it would ruin the kids lives and on top of that her self esteem and have kids already she didn't think anyone would want her
I've never met a girl who's exes weren't the problem. I'm not saying that they were or weren't. Nobody really knows but those two. This goes for men too. It works both ways. I'm just simply saying that every girl I've ever known plays the "whoa is me" act regarding their exes. Only time will tell what or who someone is. Everyone is on their best behavior at first. I was talking to my fathers best friend yesterday and he told me about a girl he once dated. He said that when he first met her that he thought that she was the sweetest girl that he ever met, by the time it was over, she was the meanest. I had to laugh as I've known a few girls like this in my life too. Once again, this goes both ways. Regarding your situation, you have to suck it up or move on. She has three kids. You can't allow the fact that she has had a sexual past bother you. It's not fair to her. She shouldn't have to be made to feel crappy about it either. The only time she should be held accountable is when she does something wrong in the present. Everything in the past should be left in the past. Her past is her past. Just as yours is yours. However, if it is too much for you too handle, find yourself a virgin.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 01-11-2014 at 08:56 AM..
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