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At a party this weekend (the kind involving board games and lots of alcohol), my husband and I (who this is NOT about) witnessed a rather uncomfortable argument come up between a young couple (early 20s) at the party.
It boiled down to she never had orgasms during sex, and it was his fault. His defense was that she was "responsible for her own orgasm". However, he felt this meant he should not care whatsoever, just "get his" and leave. From what we overheard (they were sitting right next to us), he never attempted anything whatsoever to bring her to climax, but she also never gave him any clues whatsoever as to what she wanted or needed. Very disfunctional.
OK, maybe I'm wrong, but that's NOT what that phrase means, is it? To me, from my hetero female perspective, it just means that, if you don't know what gets you off, how is he supposed to know? It means that if you don't care, or make it appear that you don't care (if you climax), then how is he supposed to care? Basically, like all things, it boils down to communication - if you want an orgasm and want him to participate, you have to tell/show him how to do it, or just take the reins and move him along and make it to happen. Also it means that it's good to tell him right then if the orgasm just isn't happening that night! In a long term relationship, you do get to know each others' buttons, but again, communication never goes away.
At least that's how I've always interpereted it, and that's what has always worked for me...am I right, or wrong?
It's one thing if he's not doing it "right" to meet her preferences, desires, needs, but it's another thing entirely if he doesn't bother at all. He's selfish.
To me, it means men aren't mindreaders, and since we're wired to get off very easily and women are usually not wired that way, that women have to decide they want an orgasm, and take the initiative in bed to help her partner get her there. Also that she has to know her body well enough.
My wife has never been afraid to just demand what she wants, and I love it! It doesn't mean I don't know what gets her going, but she isn't afraid to speak up, either. If she wants to have an orgasm, she doesn't expect me to just figure it out without some clues from her.
I think it is the female responsibility to learn about her own body (enough to create her own Os) and then to communicate what she has learned to her partner when necessary. It's not her job to get herself off by herself every time! That's crazy talk.
Sounds like those people might need an instruction manual to start with.
I think it is the female responsibility to learn about her own body (enough to create her own Os) and then to communicate what she has learned to her partner when necessary. It's not her job to get herself off by herself every time! That's crazy talk.
Sounds like those people might need an instruction manual to start with.
Depending on the game it could have been one of the questions but I agree, things like this are best discussed in private and certainly not at a party when it leads to a more than heated discussion.
I'm not surprised they are so young and discussing this in a group however, their age and this type of discussion is not a foreign topic to some much older as well.
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