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Hi! I am new here, I just need some advice. Well I am 20 and this guy is 22 years old, and he lives in Florida right now, but he's going to move back to Boston. He has been my best friend since we were kids, but he moved to Florida 2 years ago, and is now coming back and even though we don't talk like we use to and we kinda fell out of touch in a way, I am so in love with him! I have always had a connection to him. So I wrote this poem, but I am afraid to show him it, cause i'm afraid he will get creeped out, so give me some advice weather or not I should show it to him. Thanks! Here it is below.
I feel so empty, please fill my heart with your baby blue eyes, brighten my room with your crystalized smile. Make me feel alive again with your jocular personality. Let's take a moment, and see through each other's eyes, the pain, the love, the sorrow, and the fright that lies behind, and I will diminish your pain, I will break the cold with my warmth. I will sink into your world and become you. I will show you what you've never experienced before, I will protect you, I'll unveil and let you into my world. Whatever you do don't lose track, don't get lost, if you do, find your way back. Find your way back to me. I am always here waiting for that gregarious soul, I am always here for you. I will swing on the clock and wait for the time to tick, for us to be together again. May not be now, May not be sometime soon, but I will never lose sight of those baby blues. I will never let myself drift away from you. My heart still burns for you. My body is in sync with you. No matter what our love is profound.
That is for sharing with a person that you already have a long established romantic relationship with. You haven't even seen him for two years.
Get control of yourself and tone it down a lot or you are going to scare him away. You are going to look like some sort of whacked out stalker if you can't treat him like a normal person and not like some unreasonable obsession.
I suggest that you find and join a poetry group and read it out loud to your group and not to this guy that has not expressed any romantic interest in you.
"I will sink into your world and become you" would be enough to send any guy running, in my opinion. This whole thing is overwrought and way too intense to send to someone you haven't seen or talked to recently. Also, it reads as if you've looked for words in a thesaurus instead of being authentic and honest. Jocular and gregarious? Not exactly love poem words. :-)
Rethink it. You should establish contact with him first... friendly, low key, "hey, how's it going? I've missed you!" kind of contact before professing undying love. He might feel the same way or he might not. But sending such an intense poem right off the bat is a surefire way to make it SUPER awkward if he doesn't.
"I will sink into your world and become you" would be enough to send any guy running, in my opinion. This whole thing is overwrought and way too intense to send to someone you haven't seen or talked to recently. Also, it reads as if you've looked for words in a thesaurus instead of being authentic and honest. Jocular and gregarious? Not exactly love poem words. :-)
Rethink it. You should establish contact with him first... friendly, low key, "hey, how's it going? I've missed you!" kind of contact before professing undying love. He might feel the same way or he might not. But sending such an intense poem right off the bat is a surefire way to make it SUPER awkward if he doesn't.
^^^I thought the same thing.
Also OP, it's "profound(ly)"--- silly. Sorry! It is what it is.
No. That might spook him. Just make a move on him - if he feels the same way he will go with it. This is a nice paragraph to share with someone that you have been with for a while, but I wouldn't say it's a poem. I think poems should rhyme, but that's just me.
There are some awkward words (crystalized, jocular) and I dunno 'bout that swinging on the clock reference. I think you should write from the heart instead of from the dictionary and it might come across better. Anyway, good luck on this venture.
I didn't want to be the first one to say it but men hate that kind of stuff.
Women like to get poems, I know I always did. Men, not so much. They still like to do the chasing and they like the woman to be hard to get, like a silly game. Silly, but that's the way it seems to be. If you're going to write a poem write it about something other than him.
That is probably not the best poem to send him. Could you post a picture of yourself so I can say the likelihood of his receptiveness?
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