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Your an adult. Do what ever feels right to you. Many people here think the world is perfect and we all adhere to the same ideal. You obviously wanted to reach out there and contact him or you would not have done it. You probably need to fill a need, a want or a desire by contacting him.
There is no protocol. You and the other person determine what's right for yourselves. Each case is different.
It doesn't sound like you ended on the greatest terms, so I can't imagine he was expecting to hear from you. On top of that, he probably had all kinds of ideas running through his head wondering why you were calling.
I would leave it alone. You called - you put yourself out there. It's up to him to reciprocate.
One month is way too soon. He sounded awkward and strained...that means it was too soon. At least he did not hang up on you. If one of my exes had called me that soon, I would not have answered the phone.
Maybe you two can be friends someday, but wait several more months before you talk to him again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hooplaman
The protocol is you go into NO CONTACT....
Which means don't TEXT HIM, DON'T CALL, AND DON'T SEE HIM.
It's better this way and will help you completely move on. As I guy I will not deal with any woman who still talks to her ex's because that is a red flag for me. Why should I have to deal with any of your ex's?
One month is way too soon. He sounded awkward and strained...that means it was too soon. At least he did not hang up on you. If one of my exes had called me that soon, I would not have answered the phone.
Maybe you two can be friends someday, but wait several more months before you talk to him again.
hoopla and I agree on something!!!!
Even a broken clock is right twice! Which one of us is the broken clock though?
So I was seeing this guy off and on for 8 months. He was erratic, loud and mercurial, but also interesting and a lot of fun. Ultimately, he was not compatible with my personality, and it would have to be me doing all the changing.
So I told him we were done for the final time about a month or 6 weeks ago. I just couldn't do it any more. Since then I have been seeing someone who is much more compatible with me, he is quiet and reasonable. He lives kind of far away though, and we are both busy, so can only get together about every week or two. It feels like a real relationship, we talk or skype every night, and I'm not pushing it at all.
But today I called my ex guyfriend just to catch up on his news. It was probably wrong, but I do still care about him. I did not say "let's get back together" or anything like that. It just feels wrong that he is "somebody that I used to know" like the Gotye song.
Is it a bad idea to do this? He seemed very awkward and strained on the phone, but neither of us let the conversation get out of hand. I don't want to 'lead him on' or whatever. I do care, though.
You need to move on from this ex.
You will be so happy to be with the quieter guy. Trust me.
...As I guy I will not deal with any woman who still talks to her ex's because that is a red flag for me. Why should I have to deal with any of your ex's?
Forgive me, but protocol, red flag – what is this, a military field exercise? Do what’s most natural and sensible. The pedantic following of rules is banal and stupid in matters of the heart.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hooplaman
Why should I have to deal with any of your ex's?
Because just as our former jobs are part of our resumes, our ex's contribute to what defines us as partners and persons.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun
Many people here think the world is perfect and we all adhere to the same ideal. You obviously wanted to reach out there and contact him or you would not have done it. You probably need to fill a need, a want or a desire by contacting him.
Exactly! The termination of romance need not spell the termination of human contact. Some relationships end fractiously, some just slip away into mutual isolation.
One month is way too soon. He sounded awkward and strained...that means it was too soon. At least he did not hang up on you. If one of my exes had called me that soon, I would not have answered the phone.
Maybe you two can be friends someday, but wait several more months before you talk to him again.
hoopla and I agree on something!!!!
I think you are probably right about this thing, that it's "too soon". It just seems strange to not be in contact at all, with somebody that I care about, whom I saw almost every day (I helped him with work among other things) and we were there for each other through stuff. I've wanted to know what was the outcome on issues with his kids, exams, other things, and he's wanted to know the same.
As mentioned by someone -- yes, we broke up MANY times. It was always me taking the break, and me mending it. Some of you may recall my thread about his tantrum about the Red Sox, that's the same guy. He has a big, huge, funny personality. It's like being with Robin Williams -- except my ex guy friend is almost 6'5", so it's always a big show. He knows loads of people and talks and jokes with everyone. We couldn't go out to restaurants without it becoming All Hail. His kids (especially the 16 year old son) were sometimes really rude to me, and to other people, and he did not put a stop to that. He enabled a lot of their bad behavior, because he felt sorry for them because their mother had left.
Being with him was mostly really fun, but I was getting lost. I am physically small, 5'4 and thin, and am quiet in public. He loves talking to people and would often just forget I was there. One time he was so busy talking to someone in a store, he actually trampled on me and almost fell. I would say "you know what, I'm gonna go" and he would get very upset, and actually cry and make me feel like I'd just shattered him.
There were just a lot of things that made me come to the sad conclusion that we are just not meant. I really hope he finds somebody better suited to him. He is a very good-hearted man, brilliant, and wonderful in so many ways, and I care about him a lot. I love him, but am not in love with him any more.
I think you are probably right about this thing, that it's "too soon". It just seems strange to not be in contact at all, with somebody that I care about, whom I saw almost every day (I helped him with work among other things) and we were there for each other through stuff. I've wanted to know what was the outcome on issues with his kids, exams, other things, and he's wanted to know the same.
I agree with you, though I'm an odd duck like that I guess. I don't really get this whole "no contact" BS. One minute the person is in your life and the next you are never to speak again because the circumstances weren't right for a romantic relationship...I don't know. I don't care to live my life like that.
If I were ever single again, this is why I would not be interested in getting too attached to anyone. I wouldn't want to risk that happening. It just seems cold to me.
During the MANY break ups, how would you get back together? A phone call?
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