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Dport, sometimes a phone call, sometimes a text or email, or we would run into each other (Portland Maine is kind of a small town like that). Communication would be an innocuous question about some issue -- you know "how did this case turn out" or "are you guys okay?" during a power outage, etc. -- and then he would say I miss you, and I would realize that I still had feelings for him and we would try again.
This time he didn't say "I miss you" and I was grateful for that, because I don't still have those feelings for him. That doesn't mean I don't care about him, and wish him a great life, and hope he finds somebody better suited to him.
I understand were you are coming from with the kids and everything but in reality you need to move on and let go.The phone call was awkward for a reason. He probably knows you have a new man.Let's be honest, you said the other guy was far away but busy, you just wanted him because he is attainable. He is familiar. Many women like the men that they feel comfortable around. Men do this too.
The new guy sounds better because it's hard to change.
I understand were you are coming from with the kids and everything but in reality you need to move on and let go.The phone call was awkward for a reason. He probably knows you have a new man.Let's be honest, you said the other guy was far away but busy, you just wanted him because he is attainable. He is familiar. Many women like the men that they feel comfortable around. Men do this too.
The new guy sounds better because it's hard to change.
Can't rep you again, Raena, you make good points. I don't want the ex because he is "attainable", I don't want him sexually or romantically any more. I just don't want him to be like dead to me. I care, like he's a relative or a really good friend, and I want to stay in touch.
I will let him take the lead on that, and you are all probably right that I should not contact him.
So I was seeing this guy off and on for 8 months. He was erratic, loud and mercurial, but also interesting and a lot of fun. Ultimately, he was not compatible with my personality, and it would have to be me doing all the changing.
So I told him we were done for the final time about a month or 6 weeks ago. I just couldn't do it any more. Since then I have been seeing someone who is much more compatible with me, he is quiet and reasonable. He lives kind of far away though, and we are both busy, so can only get together about every week or two. It feels like a real relationship, we talk or skype every night, and I'm not pushing it at all.
But today I called my ex guyfriend just to catch up on his news. It was probably wrong, but I do still care about him. I did not say "let's get back together" or anything like that. It just feels wrong that he is "somebody that I used to know" like the Gotye song.
Is it a bad idea to do this? He seemed very awkward and strained on the phone, but neither of us let the conversation get out of hand. I don't want to 'lead him on' or whatever. I do care, though.
You lack sense, I see.
The worst possible thing you can do to someone, short of physically striking him, is to tell him that you are no longer interested in a relationship and then not leave him alone. So, basically, the wounds are starting to heal and you decide to pick up the phone and remind him what he's missing. Good going.
Who cares if letting things drop feels wrong to you? For the rest of the romantic universe, a call from an old flame out of the blue means that there is interest in reconnecting, especially if it's only been a few weeks since you broke things off. At best, the only reason you should be calling the poor guy is to arrange the return of things he left at your place.
In other words, you basically raised his hopes and then dashed them in the same conversation. This borders on sadistic, no matter how well-intentioned you were.
The worst possible thing you can do to someone, short of physically striking him, is to tell him that you are no longer interested in a relationship and then not leave him alone. So, basically, the wounds are starting to heal and you decide to pick up the phone and remind him what he's missing. Good going.
Who cares if letting things drop feels wrong to you? For the rest of the romantic universe, a call from an old flame out of the blue means that there is interest in reconnecting, especially if it's only been a few weeks since you broke things off. At best, the only reason you should be calling the poor guy is to arrange the return of things he left at your place.
In other words, you basically raised his hopes and then dashed them in the same conversation. This borders on sadistic, no matter how well-intentioned you were.
Okay wow. It sounds like you are speaking more about yourself than anyone else. And I'm sorry someone broke your heart in a million pieces and then ran a steamroller over them.
I'm not trying to do that, okay? This guy was wrong for me, but I don't want to throw him on a bonfire and all his family with it. He's an awesome person. Just not for me.
But I hope you feel better venting your spleen against Some Woman from Your Past that you want to describe me.
Okay wow. It sounds like you are speaking more about yourself than anyone else. And I'm sorry someone broke your heart in a million pieces and then ran a steamroller over them.
I'm not trying to do that, okay? This guy was wrong for me, but I don't want to throw him on a bonfire and all his family with it. He's an awesome person. Just not for me.
But I hope you feel better venting your spleen against Some Woman from Your Past that you want to describe me.
Actually, no. This has never happened to me, at least not since seventh grade. But I've seen it happen to people in my life. My best friend had a serious girlfriend break up with him and then call him periodically like nothing had happened. She was just a clueless nitwit about the pain she caused. So every time she rang him, he'd start thinking that maybe there was hope of picking things back up where they left off. In fact, this forum is filled with posts about some love interest breaking things off and then circling back around to create a fresh new round of hell for the person who was jilted.
You are being cruel to him and don't even realize it. It's perfectly okay to break things off with a man with whom you don't have a future. It is not okay to call him up and remind him about your existence. And it's not about your own feelings, because it's not all about you all the cotton-picking time.
In fact, in the past when I broke things off, I knew that calling up the woman in question would have been wrong. It's too bad you don't have the basic maturity or self-awareness to understand this. If you actually cared about this guy, you'd get a clue and not call him.
Well stated, cpg. It's the old 'get away from me...now come here' mixed message game, that many women like to play. Many of us have been down that road.
Bird, your first indication that this guy was never going to be good for you should have been that the mother of his children WALKED AWAY! How screwed up does a man have to be before a woman bails on her kids...just to be rid of him!?! He sounds like a typical 'type A' blowhard.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by birdinmigration
Okay wow. It sounds like you are speaking more about yourself than anyone else. And I'm sorry someone broke your heart in a million pieces and then ran a steamroller over them.
I'm not trying to do that, okay? This guy was wrong for me, but I don't want to throw him on a bonfire and all his family with it. He's an awesome person. Just not for me.
But I hope you feel better venting your spleen against Some Woman from Your Past that you want to describe me.
Why are you contacting him then? I don't agree with CPG much but he is correct here. There is no reason to contact him if you are not going to be romantically interested in him and all you are doing is giving false hope.
......No New Year's day to celebrate. No chocolate-covered candy hearts to give away. No first of spring, no song to sing. In fact, it's just another ordinary day.......
......No New Year's day to celebrate. No chocolate-covered candy hearts to give away. No first of spring, no song to sing. In fact, it's just another ordinary day.......
Did you post on the wrong thread?
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