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I've been on and off OLD for a few years and lately I've been hearing this same statement since signing up on Match. It seems it's not only men who get frustrated with OLD. I've messaged a couple of women that REALLY wish they could meet someone in real life.
I had a situation that fell into the real life scenario a few weeks ago. Had met a woman and had went on a date. She was nervous about the date, because I was online (as was she), but got really comfortable as the date started. She had already mentioned that she hopes that she could just meet people the old fashioned way and not have to go the OLD route. Yet, she's online just like myself.
Anyways, we had a second date at her place to eat dinner and watch Dr. Who. She was never much of a texter or phone talker, with me anyways, so I tried to schedule dates pretty close together. One Friday night she called me to meet up with her and some girlfriends at the local dance club. I get there and I can immediately tell she's trying to pawn me off on her friends. Her interest was in her phone that night, even though she told me she didn't like for people to keep tabs on her. We later talked about it, since I knew this was going to be the last time we talked anyways, and she stated that she met this person (in real life) and the connection was just there.
This is something I've started to hear more frequently over the last six months. There's a definite correlation, at least in my area, of meeting someone online compared to real life. I can admit that she just wasn't that into me and I'm not the type to try and change someone's mind. It just seemed like she was online to pass the time, but with big hopes to meet someone in real life. In the end, I kinda felt like I didn't stand much of a chance with her and I was held at arms length from the beginning.
Another example is I exchanged numbers with a lady this weekend. Since both of us only had one picture up, I asked if she would send a couple of pictures of herself. I sent 2 for her and then it took over a day for her to respond, and she said the picture thing caught her off guard. I didn't ask her for breast or vagina, just some pics of herself.
How in the world are people supposed to get to know someone online, when everyone wants to hold people at arms length? It's discouraging to know that it seems anyone and everyone is looking for a way to disqualify the other person. I never thought in my wildest dreams that OLD would be harder than real life. In some ways, I thought it would be easier. I just feel like I almost have to walk on eggshells asking questions, because everyone is waiting to say NEXT. Anyone else hear that they want to meet someone in real life, but have a OLD account that they pay for?
When I was online dating, I just use it it to meet people in person right away. I have no problem meeting them the next day after we only spoke for a day. Because that's how I use it. Use online dating to meet people IRL. I mean so you just want to know people online? Is that that how you see online dating? Maybe that's why you are frustrated.
I also just post 1 pic of me. If people ask for more pics I always say I would rather meet in person coz pictures honestly even if it is the latest for me is NOTHING. Some people look fugly in pics but looks good in person. For me I don't take ANYTHING seriously pics, what they say, etc. UNLESS we meet in real life. And that's why I prefer to meet right away like ASAP.
I've been on and off OLD for a few years and lately I've been hearing this same statement since signing up on Match. It seems it's not only men who get frustrated with OLD. I've messaged a couple of women that REALLY wish they could meet someone in real life.
I had a situation that fell into the real life scenario a few weeks ago. Had met a woman and had went on a date. She was nervous about the date, because I was online (as was she), but got really comfortable as the date started. She had already mentioned that she hopes that she could just meet people the old fashioned way and not have to go the OLD route. Yet, she's online just like myself.
Anyways, we had a second date at her place to eat dinner and watch Dr. Who. She was never much of a texter or phone talker, with me anyways, so I tried to schedule dates pretty close together. One Friday night she called me to meet up with her and some girlfriends at the local dance club. I get there and I can immediately tell she's trying to pawn me off on her friends. Her interest was in her phone that night, even though she told me she didn't like for people to keep tabs on her. We later talked about it, since I knew this was going to be the last time we talked anyways, and she stated that she met this person (in real life) and the connection was just there.
This is something I've started to hear more frequently over the last six months. There's a definite correlation, at least in my area, of meeting someone online compared to real life. I can admit that she just wasn't that into me and I'm not the type to try and change someone's mind. It just seemed like she was online to pass the time, but with big hopes to meet someone in real life. In the end, I kinda felt like I didn't stand much of a chance with her and I was held at arms length from the beginning.
Another example is I exchanged numbers with a lady this weekend. Since both of us only had one picture up, I asked if she would send a couple of pictures of herself. I sent 2 for her and then it took over a day for her to respond, and she said the picture thing caught her off guard. I didn't ask her for breast or vagina, just some pics of herself.
How in the world are people supposed to get to know someone online, when everyone wants to hold people at arms length? It's discouraging to know that it seems anyone and everyone is looking for a way to disqualify the other person. I never thought in my wildest dreams that OLD would be harder than real life. In some ways, I thought it would be easier. I just feel like I almost have to walk on eggshells asking questions, because everyone is waiting to say NEXT. Anyone else hear that they want to meet someone in real life, but have a OLD account that they pay for?
If you have read any of the other posters describe their online experience here, you would see that a lot of the online experience is filled with dread for a lot of women and men. Even if you are a straightforward, and 'good' guy, there are 10 others who are predators, jerks, weirdos...so, it would seem that most people have learned to be extremely careful.
Take for instance the picture thing, even though you meant to say, I just want to see what you look like now, its very easy to surmise that you are one of 'those' who is out to see how far they can get a woman to go, just for entertainment. They target those women (or men?) who are new to the OLD, because they know a newer person probably isn't familiar with the game.
The game is to see if you can 'hook' someone and make them beleive that they are REALLY just that amazing to you, and all the while you've got 5 others you are doing the same thing with. Oh, you call that dating? Well, don't be surprised then if you get held at arms length.
When I was online dating, I just use it it to meet people in person right away. I have no problem meeting them the next day after we only spoke for a day. Because that's how I use it. Use online dating to meet people IRL. I mean so you just want to know people online? Is that that how you see online dating? Maybe that's why you are frustrated.
I also just post 1 pic of me. If people ask for more pics I always say I would rather meet in person coz pictures honestly even if it is the latest for me is NOTHING. Some people look fugly in pics but looks good in person. For me I don't take ANYTHING seriously pics, what they say, etc. UNLESS we meet in real life. And that's why I prefer to meet right away like ASAP.
I'm a homebody during the week. I work 10 hour days and then have stuff to do around my apartment. Many of my friends are in relationships, so we use the weekend to get out. In my area, marriage is pretty well sought after. At 30, there's just not a lot of single people out, unless they are 21-25. I used online more frequently the last year, because I'm not going out like I used to. Part of it is that I just don't enjoy going out to the bars and clubs that much anymore. It's expensive and staying out late often is no longer good for my mental health (too tired).
A few years ago I was going out 2-3 days a week minimum. I was meeting a lot of women, but I also didn't have the responsibilities then that I have now. Times have changed and my career took over, since I've doubled my pay in the last 3-4 years. This is why online works more for me. I still go out on a Friday or Saturday night, but many of the women my age are married or in relationships. I know because we chat and they tell me or I can just look at their ring finger.
I've been on and off OLD for a few years and lately I've been hearing this same statement since signing up on Match. It seems it's not only men who get frustrated with OLD. I've messaged a couple of women that REALLY wish they could meet someone in real life.
I had a situation that fell into the real life scenario a few weeks ago. Had met a woman and had went on a date. She was nervous about the date, because I was online (as was she), but got really comfortable as the date started. She had already mentioned that she hopes that she could just meet people the old fashioned way and not have to go the OLD route. Yet, she's online just like myself.
Anyways, we had a second date at her place to eat dinner and watch Dr. Who. She was never much of a texter or phone talker, with me anyways, so I tried to schedule dates pretty close together. One Friday night she called me to meet up with her and some girlfriends at the local dance club. I get there and I can immediately tell she's trying to pawn me off on her friends. Her interest was in her phone that night, even though she told me she didn't like for people to keep tabs on her. We later talked about it, since I knew this was going to be the last time we talked anyways, and she stated that she met this person (in real life) and the connection was just there.
This is something I've started to hear more frequently over the last six months. There's a definite correlation, at least in my area, of meeting someone online compared to real life. I can admit that she just wasn't that into me and I'm not the type to try and change someone's mind. It just seemed like she was online to pass the time, but with big hopes to meet someone in real life. In the end, I kinda felt like I didn't stand much of a chance with her and I was held at arms length from the beginning.
Another example is I exchanged numbers with a lady this weekend. Since both of us only had one picture up, I asked if she would send a couple of pictures of herself. I sent 2 for her and then it took over a day for her to respond, and she said the picture thing caught her off guard. I didn't ask her for breast or vagina, just some pics of herself.
How in the world are people supposed to get to know someone online, when everyone wants to hold people at arms length? It's discouraging to know that it seems anyone and everyone is looking for a way to disqualify the other person. I never thought in my wildest dreams that OLD would be harder than real life. In some ways, I thought it would be easier. I just feel like I almost have to walk on eggshells asking questions, because everyone is waiting to say NEXT. Anyone else hear that they want to meet someone in real life, but have a OLD account that they pay for?
Learn to take your time would be my suggestion. Give her your undivided attention when you interact with her, but live your life. Expect an online relationship to last a little longer. Don't ask for pics right away. Don't allow yourself to ramp up things so quickly that you force her to make a break away decision.
As for real life dating vs. OLD....do you do all your shopping at just one store?
If you have read any of the other posters describe their online experience here, you would see that a lot of the online experience is filled with dread for a lot of women and men. Even if you are a straightforward, and 'good' guy, there are 10 others who are predators, jerks, weirdos...so, it would seem that most people have learned to be extremely careful.
Take for instance the picture thing, even though you meant to say, I just want to see what you look like now, its very easy to surmise that you are one of 'those' who is out to see how far they can get a woman to go, just for entertainment. They target those women (or men?) who are new to the OLD, because they know a newer person probably isn't familiar with the game.
The game is to see if you can 'hook' someone and make them beleive that they are REALLY just that amazing to you, and all the while you've got 5 others you are doing the same thing with. Oh, you call that dating? Well, don't be surprised then if you get held at arms length.
I see what you're saying. For every woman I met, they all said the same thing. Online dating makes me nervous, but you are nothing like what I had thought up in my mind. Even if there was no romantic chemistry, they seemed to already have a negative idea in their mind. Many of them get messages from the creeper types, so they have all been on HIGH ALERT when they meet me in person. It's tough when I get backed into a corner, because another jack@ss is screwing it up for everyone else. That's the frustrating part.
I see what you're saying. For every woman I met, they all said the same thing. Online dating makes me nervous, but you are nothing like what I had thought up in my mind. Even if there was no romantic chemistry, they seemed to already have a negative idea in their mind. Many of them get messages from the creeper types, so they have all been on HIGH ALERT when they meet me in person. It's tough when I get backed into a corner, because another jack@ss is screwing it up for everyone else. That's the frustrating part.
Well, there was a survey taken that said women's number 1 fear with OLD was meeting a serial killer/rapist...while men's was meeting a fat woman. Guess that about sums it up for me.
Honestly, I've never heard that sentiment before, and it sounds like it would come from those who may be embarrassed by online dating or feel as though it is only a means to kill time until "real" prospects come around.
Since I have always viewed potential matches that I met online as real, potential matches, it isn't a sentiment I can relate to. Every guy I have ever gone out with I met online, to include my high school boyfriend. It is my preferred medium.
Honestly, I don't think I would prefer to meet someone off line because, for me, it's a less efficient way to get to know even the basics about someone. There are certain things I want to know from the get-go that may seem forced, weird or odd to inquire about if I were to meet someone off line. Plus, online provides a useful means to screen potential matches. No way would I be able to meet an actual match, my type, off line.
I met my beau on OKC, and it happens to be where I've met the majority of men I have dated, even briefly. He also met his more recent (two) exes there. When there's a potential match, especially a strong one, I don't hesitate to get to know the person and allow things to progress from there.
It is indeed much harder for men than women. I realize that. I wonder if it's true that women are more likely to be embarrassed about online dating than men, and therefore some may be skeptical, unsure, confused, aloof, or just playing around to get attention. Sure, some men play their share of games, but a lot of men seem to run into these problems, and it can be disheartening.
ETA:
To echo another poster about online dating being a dreadful experience for many men and women. Even my beau, having had "success" before, ran into this issue. In the very beginning of his profile he said he was tired of sending messages out and never seeing anything in return, and he'd also get the usual one sentence message. Much of the interaction was just "blah" for him. Due to my relocation I changed my location and decided to see what was in the Bay Area. His profile was one of the first few I came across due to the 96% match percentage. I messaged him, and he about freaked out because he's never seen a match in the 90's, and especially not with 1200 questions answered. Then it got bumped up to 99% after I answered a couple hundred more questions. Bahahaha.
He had been on OKC on and off for about five years, and I'm the third person he's actually been involved with as a result of online dating. From the way he sees it, sometimes it only takes that one match to make it a better overall experience.
Last edited by Metaphysique; 02-10-2014 at 08:13 AM..
Well, there was a survey taken that said women's number 1 fear with OLD was meeting a serial killer/rapist...while men's was meeting a fat woman. Guess that about sums it up for me.
lol!
In response to the OP, the reason that happens more online is because doing online dating is pretty close to a blind date with a couple pictures. If you meet in person then you at least have a good idea of what the person is like.
I have had pretty good experiences with online dating, so I can't complain too much. Some dates worked out and some didn't. Most of the time, the ones that didn't work out I wouldn't have wanted another date either.
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