Anyone heard this statement from women regarding OLD? (girlfriend, dance, family)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I disagree with the last couple of posts. There is no rehearsal in real life. You get to read body language, see if her eyes smile when her mouth does. See how she postures herself when she speaks about something she feels strongly about. There is a higher level of credibility given on the persons presence. Online relationships have to many unknown possibilities for there to be the same level of faith and trust based on the same number of interactions. If I go on 9 dates with a woman, I'm going to know a hell of a lot more about her than I would with a woman I spent 9 days shooting emails back and forth with.
I disagree with the last couple of posts. There is no rehearsal in real life. You get to read body language, see if her eyes smile when her mouth does. See how she postures herself when she speaks about something she feels strongly about. There is a higher level of credibility given on the persons presence. Online relationships have to many unknown possibilities for there to be the same level of faith and trust based on the same number of interactions. If I go on 9 dates with a woman, I'm going to know a hell of a lot more about her than I would with a woman I spent 9 days shooting emails back and forth with.
The computer is merely an introductory tool. That's all it is. Everything else is up to you. If the person ends up being a hairy guy instead of a girl, then you chalk it up as a zero. I met my husband via a shared message board that we frequented. We hit it off as online friends and were such for over a year when things changed from platonic to romantic. Then we met up offline. At that point, we had already known a lot about each other. My husband flatly admitted that he probably would not have spoken to me offline because he would have been too shy around me and that I was "out of his league" (his words, not mine, btw). Talking to each other without seeing each other's faces made us really get to know each other on a deeper level. I am definitely for online dating as a tool, among any other tools.
I disagree with the last couple of posts. There is no rehearsal in real life.
This suggests everyone who uses online dating as a medium is rehearsing.
Quote:
You get to read body language, see if her eyes smile when her mouth does. See how she postures herself when she speaks about something she feels strongly about.
You also get to experience these things with a potential match met online after meeting in person. And all those signs or signals, even positive ones, go out the door once criteria isn't met. Because, let's all face it, whether we choose on or offline as a means to meet/date, we all have criteria. So, getting all googly-eyed with someone I just met while doing X, enjoying the chemistry, only to find out a few hours after talking that he doesn't date women who have children, is a waste of time. Or, after spending all that time enjoying this chemistry only to discover there's a lack of compatibility in some fundamental areas.
Chemistry, the warm fuzzies that occur upon seeing/meeting someone, are all great, but it matters none if other criteria is not met. A woman can be all excited about a guy she just met at a meetup group, but as soon as she discovers he makes <50k, he's no longer an option (based on the statistics/findings in dating criteria). And same for the guy who discovers the hot, cool chick he met has 10 cats.
Quote:
There is a higher level of credibility given on the persons presence.
Which you have the ability to see after meeting in person.
Quote:
Online relationships have to many unknown possibilities for there to be the same level of faith and trust based on the same number of interactions.
There are just as many unknowns about meeting someone at Target or some meetup group.
Quote:
If I go on 9 dates with a woman, I'm going to know a hell of a lot more about her than I would with a woman I spent 9 days shooting emails back and forth with.
Not necessarily. There are many factors at play here. How long are these dates, and what activities are you engaging in? Again, the majority of people aren't *that* available to go on several dates over a short period of time. Every date and interaction is unique regardless if it's made on or offline.
I can discover a whole lot more about someone through conversation than spending a few hours giggling while playing putt-putt golf, enjoying a two hour dinner (focus is on eating and talking), two hour movie (no talking), rock climbing (not much meaty conversation), or painting a picture while drinking wine, etc., etc. Now, I'm not knocking fun activities, but in my experience, I have learned far, far more about partners, not in the context of their liking certain activities, or how good of a painter they are, but the deep, meaty topics, through conversation, often intense. "Fun" can be had with just about anyone. I've been on "fun" dates where there wasn't genuine, long-lasting compatibility. Fun is great, but I best get to know someone through intimate interactions, and that is typically experienced when the focus is on conversation and not on "activities." When I'm involved with someone or there is genuine compatibility, it isn't a case of shooting off e-mails with little meat and substance. When compatibility is established, the chemistry is there, all of the "fun" stuff comes easy, at least in my experience.
This suggests everyone who uses online dating as a medium is rehearsing.
You also get to experience these things with a potential match met online after meeting in person. And all those signs or signals, even positive ones, go out the door once criteria isn't met. Because, let's all face it, whether we choose on or offline as a means to meet/date, we all have criteria. So, getting all googly-eyed with someone I just met while doing X, enjoying the chemistry, only to find out a few hours after talking that he doesn't date women who have children, is a waste of time. Or, after spending all that time enjoying this chemistry only to discover there's a lack of compatibility in some fundamental areas.
Chemistry, the warm fuzzies that occur upon seeing/meeting someone, are all great, but it matters none if other criteria is not met. A woman can be all excited about a guy she just met at a meetup group, but as soon as she discovers he makes <50k, he's no longer an option (based on the statistics/findings in dating criteria). And same for the guy who discovers the hot, cool chick he met has 10 cats.
Which you have the ability to see after meeting in person.
There are just as many unknowns about meeting someone at Target or some meetup group.
Not necessarily. There are many factors at play here. How long are these dates, and what activities are you engaging in? Again, the majority of people aren't *that* available to go on several dates over a short period of time. Every date and interaction is unique regardless if it's made on or offline.
I can discover a whole lot more about someone through conversation than spending a few hours giggling while playing putt-putt golf, enjoying a two hour dinner (focus is on eating and talking), two hour movie (no talking), rock climbing (not much meaty conversation), or painting a picture while drinking wine, etc., etc. Now, I'm not knocking fun activities, but in my experience, I have learned far, far more about partners, not in the context of their liking certain activities, or how good of a painter they are, but the deep, meaty topics. "Fun" can be had with just about anyone. I've been on "fun" dates where there wasn't genuine, long-lasting compatibility. Fun is great, but I best get to know someone through intimate interactions, and that is typically experienced when the focus is on conversation and not on "activities." When I'm involved with someone or there is genuine compatibility, it isn't a case of shooting off e-mails with little meat and substance. When compatibility is established, the chemistry is there, all of the "fun" stuff comes easy, at least in my experience.
I'm a mixture of both. The burden of emailing becomes exhausting to me. I've messaged with people where we sent 50-60 messages back and forth and at the point I was ready to move on to another medium of contact. As much as I can learn from messaging someone, it doesn't MEET my emotional needs. Also, using it as an online medium, I continuously feel like an option. At least if I meet them in person, we can both gauge where we see our situation going. I'm quick to get out on a date, because it's just that, a date. I've even scaled back meet ups to just coffee for the first one. It's a minor time constraint and it's cheap for all people involved.
I believe the problem I keep running into is I'm good enough to be someone's option, but there's always someone or someone's that can gather their attention a little bit better than I can. Being a black male who has only dated white women, can very easily friendzone me. I just messaged a woman last week that said she doesn't date outside her race. Well, at that point, I felt she already took a friendship off the table. She's relationship minded and is not online to garner friends, unless they are white men. It just is what it is and you have to accept it. I have the cards stacked against me, due to geographical location, but I try to not let it get me down. I have good days and bad days though.
I'm a mixture of both. The burden of emailing becomes exhausting to me. I've messaged with people where we sent 50-60 messages back and forth and at the point I was ready to move on to another medium of contact. As much as I can learn from messaging someone, it doesn't MEET my emotional needs. Also, using it as an online medium, I continuously feel like an option. At least if I meet them in person, we can both gauge where we see our situation going. I'm quick to get out on a date, because it's just that, a date. I've even scaled back meet ups to just coffee for the first one. It's a minor time constraint and it's cheap for all people involved.
I believe the problem I keep running into is I'm good enough to be someone's option, but there's always someone or someone's that can gather their attention a little bit better than I can. Being a black male who has only dated white women, can very easily friendzone me. I just messaged a woman last week that said she doesn't date outside her race. Well, at that point, I felt she already took a friendship off the table. She's relationship minded and is not online to garner friends, unless they are white men. It just is what it is and you have to accept it. I have the cards stacked against me, due to geographical location, but I try to not let it get me down. I have good days and bad days though.
I understand. I'm not into weeks of messaging back and forth. Even if there are a dozen or more messages exchanged, it's usually over a short period of time, say a day or so. I move on to other mediums of communication typically the day I begin talking to someone, and I'm the one to ask for digits first or provide mine. I'm also the one to make the first phone call. I prefer to take communication and interaction off the site within that first day or so, and most men are not put off by this at all. However, I know a lot of women need time to feel someone out or whatever before they proceed to the next step.
Also, skyping or facetime helps as well. It allows me to "screen" the person even further, to make sure he is who he says he is.
I understand. I'm not into weeks of messaging back and forth. Even if there are a dozen or more messages exchanged, it's usually over a short period of time, say a day or so. I move on to other mediums of communication typically the day I begin talking to someone, and I'm the one to ask for digits first or provide mine. I'm also the one to make the first phone call. I prefer to take communication and interaction off the site within that first day or so, and most men are not put off by this at all. However, I know a lot of women need time to feel someone out or whatever before they proceed to the next step.
Also, skyping or facetime helps as well. It allows me to "screen" the person even further, to make sure he is who he says he is.
I want off the site within 24 hours of messaging someone if the communication seems to flow. I get a number and then I communicate with them while I'm still checking messages that I get. The same goes for them too. The difference is that I can talk to 10 women and go out on 10 dates, where I think a woman will be open to exchanging her number with a guy, but she's still looking at the "best" possible fit. We see the idea of exchanging numbers very differently. For me it's numbers that are connected to me. If I don't want to exchange my number with someone than I say so. For me, an exchanging of numbers is a level of connection. It doesn't have to be romantic connection, but you're interesting enough that I want to give you my number.
I have gotten a ton of numbers online and it seems to go cold quite quickly. I'm still logging on to my online dating profile and so are they, so it seems like we're just into getting as many numbers as possible. See where I'm coming from? I'd go on a date every night if I could, but due to other guys wanting to date the women I'm talking to, it's easy to get pushed to the side. Sometimes it feels like whoever can get her out on the date first wins. No bueno.
I got a number last week. We messaged back and forth for a day. I told her I was going to meet up with some friends and I'd text her when I got back home. She said ok. Sent her a text and she didn't respond. She had taken down her profile and haven't heard from her since. If I exchange my number with someone, I have interest. If I don't exchange, or they won't give me there's, than I feel they don't. It's simple to me.
I want off the site within 24 hours of messaging someone if the communication seems to flow. I get a number and then I communicate with them while I'm still checking messages that I get. The same goes for them too. The difference is that I can talk to 10 women and go out on 10 dates, where I think a woman will be open to exchanging her number with a guy, but she's still looking at the "best" possible fit. We see the idea of exchanging numbers very differently. For me it's numbers that are connected to me. If I don't want to exchange my number with someone than I say so. For me, an exchanging of numbers is a level of connection. It doesn't have to be romantic connection, but you're interesting enough that I want to give you my number.
I have gotten a ton of numbers online and it seems to go cold quite quickly. I'm still logging on to my online dating profile and so are they, so it seems like we're just into getting as many numbers as possible. See where I'm coming from? I'd go on a date every night if I could, but due to other guys wanting to date the women I'm talking to, it's easy to get pushed to the side. Sometimes it feels like whoever can get her out on the date first wins. No bueno.
I got a number last week. We messaged back and forth for a day. I told her I was going to meet up with some friends and I'd text her when I got back home. She said ok. Sent her a text and she didn't respond. She had taken down her profile and haven't heard from her since. If I exchange my number with someone, I have interest. If I don't exchange, or they won't give me there's, than I feel they don't. It's simple to me.
I think this is where there can be a disconnect between the way many women and men view online dating. For a woman, giving out a phone number could mean pictures of genitals, constant harassment and just general unpleasantness, even if the person seems 'okay'. I wouldn't give out my number for at least 2 weeks because most guys who just wanted a hook up or were 'meh' about me would give up and move on by that point. The ones who were interested would stick around. When I first started using online dating I used to give out my number fairly freely until I started getting regularly harassed and sent inappropriate pictures by men who were seemingly good guys.
So yeah. That's why many women wait. I have a feeling men don't go through that.
And that's my point. You have an abundance of guys just throwing stuff at the walls and seeing what sticks. Even myself, the first text message I got from one woman was various pics of her breast. For the most part, when I ask for a woman's number, I'm gonna ask for pictures. I don't think that's something that's gonna change. If have to start stating not to send pics of privates, than other people are screwing it up for me. I always feel the person who is hiding something is the one that doesn't want to send. If the guy sends you a pic of his junk, block his number and be done with it. It's a little more work, but no one has said dating is easy.
Sometimes I feel like I'm having to do twice the work for less results, because other jackholes are messing it up for me. I can't get in the door if the woman doesn't unlock it.
And that's my point. You have an abundance of guys just throwing stuff at the walls and seeing what sticks. Even myself, the first text message I got from one woman was various pics of her breast. For the most part, when I ask for a woman's number, I'm gonna ask for pictures. I don't think that's something that's gonna change. If have to start stating not to send pics of privates, than other people are screwing it up for me. I always feel the person who is hiding something is the one that doesn't want to send. If the guy sends you a pic of his junk, block his number and be done with it. It's a little more work, but no one has said dating is easy.
Sometimes I feel like I'm having to do twice the work for less results, because other jackholes are messing it up for me. I can't get in the door if the woman doesn't unlock it.
I don't send pictures, period. If I exchange numbers with a guy and he immediately starts asking for pictures, he gets blocked. Well, before I got my iphone I couldn't block numbers, but now I can
I don't want a picture of your junk or even a picture of you period unless I ask, and I've NEVER asked. I prefer to make that call in person and don't require 50 pictures, especially of your genitals. I don't want to be one of the 500 women you sent your junk to, and that's not a man I'd want to start a relationship with.
Maybe that's why I had so many issues with OLD...I was looking for a decent guy and all I got were dudes sending me naked pictures.
The computer is merely an introductory tool. That's all it is. Everything else is up to you. If the person ends up being a hairy guy instead of a girl, then you chalk it up as a zero. I met my husband via a shared message board that we frequented. We hit it off as online friends and were such for over a year when things changed from platonic to romantic. Then we met up offline. At that point, we had already known a lot about each other. My husband flatly admitted that he probably would not have spoken to me offline because he would have been too shy around me and that I was "out of his league" (his words, not mine, btw). Talking to each other without seeing each other's faces made us really get to know each other on a deeper level. I am definitely for online dating as a tool, among any other tools.
Exactly. The men I have ended up getting involved with, my type, the ones I have the greatest chemistry and compatibility with, would have been way too shy to approach me offline. Every one of them has said the above.
And I also agree with your next sentence about getting to know the person on a deeper level. That has been the case for me as well.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
