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I love my job and live in the south my wife hates her job with a passion and has a offer about 800 miles away in a job she "thinks" she will love.
The job has upside potential and is pay neutral once you factor in cost of living and travelling back home once a month.
The kicker is we have 3 kids 12, 14, and 15, so a pretty crucial time, but I don't know. She has left for 2 weeks before and skype worked well during that time.
Anyone ever do this? Any success on long distance relationships etc? Skype, txt, and travelling back and forth will happen but only every other week. Of course the kids and how long is this really sustainable?
I can't speak from personal experience but I once read that there are quite a few married couples who live apart because of their careers. It probably is not easy, but definitely doable if it comes to that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I think the big deal here is the kids. I've known many people that lived apart for career reasons or school reasons while married (my brother and SIL were on different continents three of the first four years of marriage), but they had no children. That would make it really hard.
One of my friends did this for a few years. She actually did this before and after she had her first child. She would fly out on Sunday night and fly back Thursday night. Her husband took care of the baby during the week. I guess it worked for them. I could never do it.
People make all sorts of things work - but that doesn't mean that the same things will work for everyone.
It depends on whether this plan is temporary to make sure she likes it before the whole family moves - or if it is indefinite. Other things to ask yourself:
1) Who has been the primary caregiver of the kids?
2) Is there other family nearby? (Have they had babysitters or a grandparent pitch in with school pickups, for example?)
3) Do you have a large support system in your community? (Church or other organizations?)
4) How active are your kids with extra curricular's? (Lots of sports events to attend?)
5) How available are you to give attention to the kids? (Kids usually benefit from two parents - you will have to extend yourself with your physical presence and also emotional - being readily available to talk to them about any problems.)
6) Who will do the bulk of the household chores? Do you have a cleaning person come in? Do your kids help? Will her absence make much of a difference than what your current situation is?
7) How will the two of you manage your long-distance relationship? Is it strong or fractured? Are you the best of friends who communicate frequently during the day or are you somewhat distanced from each other?
How is your marriage? That is the biggest factor here. Your kids are getting to be the age of more self sufficiency, and will quickly be doing their own thing, so then what for you?
Plenty of military families communicate successfully, via technology these days, so that's cool for Mom and the kids. To each of you, of course.
Plenty of couples have a tough time with this distance. Insecurity in fidelity, projecting, boredom, depression,,,,
Can your relationship withstand the long distance? Make sure the two of you discuss this thoroughly, maybe even visit a therapist who specializes in LD relationships for tips on communicating. Discuss if sex every visit is implied. Discuss the cost of extra budget for more eating out or entertainment while alone. Just my two cents
My mom(her b-day today), and dad have a similar, out of town relationship. My dad works in DC and comes home on weekends. I think it is oddly the best thing that could have happened for them. They seem closer now than ever.
I love my job and live in the south my wife hates her job with a passion and has a offer about 800 miles away in a job she "thinks" she will love.
The job has upside potential and is pay neutral once you factor in cost of living and travelling back home once a month.
The kicker is we have 3 kids 12, 14, and 15, so a pretty crucial time, but I don't know. She has left for 2 weeks before and skype worked well during that time.
Anyone ever do this? Any success on long distance relationships etc? Skype, txt, and travelling back and forth will happen but only every other week. Of course the kids and how long is this really sustainable?
I had a close friend who had to do this out of necessity, she was out of work and was the major bread winner of the family.
Her kids were similar ages to yours. Frankly, it was a disaster for their family. They endured it for 2 years until she could find a position closer to home (this was at the height of the recession), but her kids got off track in that time period so badly that it took the last 2 years or so to normalize things.
In hindsight she said she would have stayed at home and gotten on food stamps if she'd known the negative impact this kind of situation would have had on her marriage and kids.
Tread carefully - this kind of situation will have lasting effects.
My only real concern is the kids. We have been married for 20 years, and am not worried about us. I've had stints where I'm gone for a week and she has had stints away for 2 weeks, and neither was a big deal.
In this arrangement we would see each othe 24-40hrs every two weeks which would be fine if it were 6 months, but what if it's not?
We need to talk more on our level and then if we can come to a solid foundation talk with the kids. I'm sure they will all say "Lets move.....lets move!!"
I've known a few people who've done the thing where they fly out Sunday night or Monday morning and stay till Thursday or Friday.
Its doable, and if the career move is right, definitely worth it, but its not sustainable for more than two years for most people. Most people probably couldn't even do it for a year I bet.
Other variables come into play. If you're paying the way for flights, rent, etc, then it becomes less worth it, unless the career move is the only way to move up.
I'm out of town for two weeks, I hate being away from home. I looked at a job where I would be full time 180 miles away from home. I decided against it. I don't have to travel often, a half dozen times a year. It wouldn't be for me. However, if options where limited I'd do whatever I needed to do to make it work.
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