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The video presents these ladies as being educated, career oriented, driven, and highly successful. -And that these qualities should make them a great catch and marriage material. But personally, as a guy, I find it off-putting.
...It's not that I'm intimidated by their success. It's just that they seem to define themselves by their career accomplishments. They also give off that strong, independent, in-your-face vibe and view guys as a checklist as if they were buying a car or some product. To me, an education, career, and money means nothing from a romantic standpoint. I just want a "nice" girl who loves me without all the ego.
I was expecting this reaction from at least one person.
What's supposed to make them a good catch is:
- They are not gold-diggers; they support themselves & are seeking love & a partner, not someone to take care of them materially.
- They are above-average in looks & are still relatively young (most able to have children if desired)
- None are single moms or divorced
- They seem intelligent & educated & able to have conversations above discussing celebrity gossip or other inane nonsense
- IMO, most of them seemed nice & friendly, not "in your face"
A lot of that is stuff men on this board complain they cannot find....
So no, I didn't interpret one of those women as "in you face" at all. They all spoke rather softly & were polite & pleasant & smiled. They took jabs at their own "lists", & when actually naming what they desired, it was mostly personal qualities like "sincerity", meaning they are simply able to recognize what qualities tend to make for good relationships. They didn't define themselves by their careers - the voice over did. Who knows how they see themselves personally; but your job IS often a big chunk of your time, so maybe they feel it does say something about their values & interests. It also does hint at their lifestyle & socio-economic class, which people find difficult to date far outside of.
And would it be better if they came off as weaK & dependent? It certainly does seem there is some self-esteem issue if you find someone else unattractive because they are able to care for themselves & have a brain of their own.
I, frankly, suspect some men are irritated by women when they are not just extensions of the man & his needs & goals. That's why these men would prefer a woman with less "success" who they can define in relation to themselves, not a woman who has a separate identity & is a full, complex person of her own. To me, these men are operating from THEIR ego. If they put ego aside, then women like this can be successful AND nice & loving. It's a false dichotomy the man's ego creates to protect itself. It's also making love & relationships all about how you feel & not actually loving someone for who they are as an individual.
FYI, I am not a successful, career woman, but I notice a lot of unfair crap projected onto them. I think there IS some resentment or threat going on. I don't pretend to know the exact reason, but I don't think there's any reality to the idea that these women cannot be kind, giving, loving, etc, just because they've not married at 22 & cranked babies out or are not struggling while living with their parents still, etc.
That's an interesting article. It appears if you're a college educated black guy who has all the fundamentals down ie. a job, a car and a stable residence, you're in a position where you're outnumbered by the girls at least 2/1.
Speaking as a college educated black man with a stable job that pays well, this ish nothing more than a popular myth. The stereotypical obese black woman working a minimum wage job and 5 kids in tow believes she could easily do better than me.
The truth is, it would be an understatement to say these women have inflated standards and a delusional picture of their own market value. They expect their man to be perfect in practically every aspect: physically, financially, mentally, intellectually, etc. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own standards, but complaining about not being able to attract the perfect man when you yourself are far from desirable (let alone perfect) is truly an untenable state of affairs that should merit no sympathy.
Edit: The video is practically hard confirmation of everything written above. The woman stated she clearly had a height requirement of 6'5. Despite that, less than 3% of men are 6'5 and above. Yet, another fraction of that 3% will be composed of black men. She will then need to apply her other possibly ridiculous criteria to this already small pool of men. That's the recipe for ending up alone at age 34.
Unmarried, above-average looking women in their early 30s are unmarried because either:
1. They were ugly in their 20s; or
2. They simply want to remain single; or
3. They had an exaggerated sense of their desirability (ie, their standards were not realistic); or
4. They are stubborn, emo crazy psychos
Yeah I laughed my ass off when she said she only used to go for 6'5" guys
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astute
Speaking as a college educated black man with a stable job that pays well, this ish nothing more than a popular myth. The stereotypical obese black woman working a minimum wage job and 5 kids in tow believes she could easily do better than me.
The truth is, it would be an understatement to say these women have inflated standards and a delusional picture of their own market value. They expect their man to be perfect in practically every aspect: physically, financially, mentally, intellectually, etc. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own standards, but complaining about not being able to attract the perfect man when you yourself are far from desirable (let alone perfect) is truly an untenable state of affairs that should merit no sympathy.
Edit: The video is practically hard confirmation of everything written above. The woman stated she clearly had a height requirement of 6'5. Despite that, less than 3% of men are 6'5 and above. Yet, another fraction of that 3% will be composed of black men. She will then need to apply her other possibly ridiculous criteria to this already small pool of men. That's the recipe for ending up alone at age 34.
I was expecting this reaction from at least one person.
What's supposed to make them a good catch is:
- They are not gold-diggers; they support themselves & are seeking love & a partner, not someone to take care of them materially.
- They are above-average in looks & are still relatively young (most able to have children if desired)
- None are single moms or divorced
- They seem intelligent & educated & able to have conversations above discussing celebrity gossip or other inane nonsense
- IMO, most of them seemed nice & friendly, not "in your face"
A lot of that is stuff men on this board complain they cannot find....
So no, I didn't interpret one of those women as "in you face" at all. They all spoke rather softly & were polite & pleasant & smiled. They took jabs at their own "lists", & when actually naming what they desired, it was mostly personal qualities like "sincerity", meaning they are simply able to recognize what qualities tend to make for good relationships. They didn't define themselves by their careers - the voice over did. Who knows how they see themselves personally; but your job IS often a big chunk of your time, so maybe they feel it does say something about their values & interests. It also does hint at their lifestyle & socio-economic class, which people find difficult to date far outside of.
While I didn't find the women to be offensive, I'm pretty sure they weren't telling the WHOLE truth about their standards. It wouldn't be shocking if they've deviated from their lists only slightly. I am also a college educated black man with my own place, car and job. However, I only have a Bachelors, my place is far from Manhattan (and rented), my car is from the 1980s (My choice. I liked the car and didn't want another car note) and I'm part of the working class. I must add that I'm only 5'3". I actually found each of those women attractive and wouldn't mind taking them out on dates to see where it would lead. However, I'm very skeptical that they'd even accept a date from me due to everything I've just written about myself. The bolded above is their own problem, that is, if they're unwilling to date "below" them, they can't complain that the pickings are slim. Would they accept a black man who has all of the personal qualities on their lists, but is a sanitation worker? If not, their situation is entirely on them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple
And would it be better if they came off as weaK & dependent? It certainly does seem there is some self-esteem issue if you find someone else unattractive because they are able to care for themselves & have a brain of their own.
I think foulball was merely trying to imply that a only a college degree, career and success does not make a woman marriage material. I agree with that, although I didn't get that from any of the women on the video either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple
I, frankly, suspect some men are irritated by women when they are not just extensions of the man & his needs & goals. That's why these men would prefer a woman with less "success" who they can define in relation to themselves, not a woman who has a separate identity & is a full, complex person of her own. To me, these men are operating from THEIR ego. If they put ego aside, then women like this can be successful AND nice & loving. It's a false dichotomy the man's ego creates to protect itself. It's also making love & relationships all about how you feel & not actually loving someone for who they are as an individual.
FYI, I am not a successful, career woman, but I notice a lot of unfair crap projected onto them. I think there IS some resentment or threat going on. I don't pretend to know the exact reason, but I don't think there's any reality to the idea that these women cannot be kind, giving, loving, etc, just because they've not married at 22 & cranked babies out or are not struggling while living with their parents still, etc.
It is true that some men like women to earn less as a symbol of power in their relationships. Those guys are insecure. However, I'm sure you understand that our society, for the most part, places too much importance on what you do/how much $$$ you make. The former is usually the first question asked by newer folks in my Meetup groups, but I digress. In the minds of many, there is a correlation between your earning power and value as a human being. Depending on the people, friends/family will have no problem criticizing your choice of a man if he's viewed as "beneath" you. Living in NYC, I'm sure the pressure is on for most professional women to find their professional counterparts. Personally, I would date women who make significantly more than I do, but that would be almost impossible to find for a guy like me.
Speaking as a college educated black man with a stable job that pays well, this ish nothing more than a popular myth. The stereotypical obese black woman working a minimum wage job and 5 kids in tow believes she could easily do better than me.
The truth is, it would be an understatement to say these women have inflated standards and a delusional picture of their own market value. They expect their man to be perfect in practically every aspect: physically, financially, mentally, intellectually, etc. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own standards, but complaining about not being able to attract the perfect man when you yourself are far from desirable (let alone perfect) is truly an untenable state of affairs that should merit no sympathy.
Edit: The video is practically hard confirmation of everything written above. The woman stated she clearly had a height requirement of 6'5. Despite that, less than 3% of men are 6'5 and above. Yet, another fraction of that 3% will be composed of black men. She will then need to apply her other possibly ridiculous criteria to this already small pool of men. That's the recipe for ending up alone at age 34.
Heh.
I do agree with what you said, but I did clarify in my post that they don't want undesirable men. No women want undesirable men, let alone attractive, fit, successful women with a high self image.
I do think it was a little different from the typical attractive female spiel in that they realize they are limited by demographic. They would accept white men, but white men don't want them.
So, they dish it, but at least they take it a little too.
From my perch, the problem is finding a female professional, as (1) this is a blue-collar town, and (2) most professionals (of either gender) are already married by 30... and stay married. Of the stragglers, most want to have kids.
I agree with orangeapple, that most of the demands/desires levied by the women in the video are not untoward or outlandish. If they meet a sufficiently appealing man, the quantitative desires, such as height or income, would likely be dropped. But I again reiterate my earlier point: most such women want to start families. They're not interested in becoming part of child-free "power couple".
Pretty women. Love Steve Harvey. Thank you for posting
The irony with Steve Harvey is that, while he gives out relationship advice, he too has cheated on his wife in the past. As it is, he's on his third wife.
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