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Who says it's more acceptable? If a woman ghosts on you she's just as much of an inconsiderate jerk as a man who does it. I don't think it's acceptable for anyone.
I know what you mean about the appearing and reappearing (fading) since that's what I am dealing with. I think I would prefer ghosting to fading. With ghosting... you don't hear from them every again. It sucks, but it's pretty clear it's over. With fading and them coming back and giving you hope, you wonder. It's like teasing a hungry dog with a bowl of food by putting it close, then taking it away, then putting it close, etc.
I've been there. The last guy I really liked and tried to date I met on Match. Things started out really great, but then he started to become unreliable. He would fade out for a couple weeks, then text me out of nowhere. Some people just have that pull on your heart and even when logically you know the way they are treating you isn't the way you really want to be treated, you really want them to prove you wrong. It's hard to accept they don't care about you as much as you care about them, and even though they might not be bad people or trying to hurt you on purpose, it's really unfair to keep someone on the line when you know you don't fully return their feelings. I deleted this guy finally. I've gotten a few texts from an unknown number that I'm pretty was him, but I just delete them now. It's hard, but sometimes kicking them out of your life for good is the only way you can really let them go.
I'm curious about when someone has categorized it as "ghosting".
Specifically...
How long have you actually known them.
How many dates you have been on.
How long you have actually been dating.
The reason I wonder is because if you didn't already know that person IRL, or if you don't count online/phone/etc. as "knowing" them, when does it make them the bad guy?
I'm curious about when someone has categorized it as "ghosting".
Specifically...
How long have you actually known them.
How many dates you have been on.
How long you have actually been dating.
The reason I wonder is because if you didn't already know that person IRL, or if you don't count online/phone/etc. as "knowing" them, when does it make them the bad guy?
Not that it makes a woman "bad". I only wanted to know some reasons why ghosting is done.
In my case its about women I met on singles sites, dated about 2-4 times, then got myself ghosted but I posted this as a general question, no specifics.
Not that it makes a woman "bad". I only wanted to know some reasons why ghosting is done.
In my case its about women I met on singles sites, dated about 2-4 times, then got myself ghosted but I posted this as a general question, no specifics.
i wouldn't read to much into this other than she just didn't think you guys were compatible or had any long term potential. your situation is really a common dating scenario playing out. like i said before, women have no trouble flaking out on a guy they just started dating. ghosting for me means a bit more of an emotional investment beyond the "do we have chemistry and compatibility?" initial dating phase, it key marker is you are surprised that it just stopped and she suddenly disappeared. like wtf happened to that??? what did i do wrong??? or more realistically, what's going on in her life cuz it's most often about their complex life and emotional issues, not yours.
i wouldn't read to much into this other than she just didn't think you guys were compatible or had any long term potential. your situation is really a common dating scenario playing out. like i said before, women have no trouble flaking out on a guy they just started dating. ghosting for me means a bit more of an emotional investment beyond the "do we have chemistry and compatibility?" initial dating phase, it key marker is you are surprised that it just stopped and she suddenly disappeared. like wtf happened to that??? what did i do wrong??? or more realistically, what's going on in her life cuz it's most often about their complex life and emotional issues, not yours.
True.
It could be because of anything, just wanted to know some of the more usual reasons.
I'm curious about when someone has categorized it as "ghosting".
Specifically...
How long have you actually known them.
How many dates you have been on.
How long you have actually been dating.
The reason I wonder is because if you didn't already know that person IRL, or if you don't count online/phone/etc. as "knowing" them, when does it make them the bad guy?
Yes? Was I misunderstanding ghosting? Does that mean that its just between new acquaintances and they quit contacting you for no apparent reason?
I'm curious about when someone has categorized it as "ghosting".
Specifically...
How long have you actually known them.
How many dates you have been on.
How long you have actually been dating.
The reason I wonder is because if you didn't already know that person IRL, or if you don't count online/phone/etc. as "knowing" them, when does it make them the bad guy?
In my case, like I said, it's more of fading.
I've know the man for years and we've been dating for several months, I have no idea how many dates. He's never told me I've done anything wrong and when I've asked (and he's bothered to answer) he just says he's "been busy"
Not that it makes a woman "bad". I only wanted to know some reasons why ghosting is done.
In my case its about women I met on singles sites, dated about 2-4 times, then got myself ghosted but I posted this as a general question, no specifics.
I was serious when I said women do it for the same reasons men do it. I just don't know why someone would do it after multiple dates. A simple "sorry, this isn't working for me" text takes two seconds to send.
Quote:
Originally Posted by foclampt
Yes? Was I misunderstanding ghosting? Does that mean that its just between new acquaintances and they quit contacting you for no apparent reason?
I think it's someone you met on online/dating sites or IRL that you didn't know before going out on a few dates. Then without a hint they just disappear never to have any type of contact with you again. I consider someone you met online who acts interested but before you actually meet IRL, they drop and block you, a fade. But others may define it all differently.
I was just curious about how other people defined it because IMO, ghosting after one initial date is no big deal but I do think it would be rude to ghost after a second date.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
In my case, like I said, it's more of fading.
I've know the man for years and we've been dating for several months, I have no idea how many dates. He's never told me I've done anything wrong and when I've asked (and he's bothered to answer) he just says he's "been busy"
I'm not sure what I would call that. Rude? Just acquaintances again? Not interested? Hmmm, what about potential FWB?
I've know the man for years and we've been dating for several months, I have no idea how many dates. He's never told me I've done anything wrong and when I've asked (and he's bothered to answer) he just says he's "been busy"
With a guy that has been dating you for several months, presumably you were sleeping together and monogamy was expected, certainly he should man up and tell you that he would rather date other people. I hate to use the cliche but "he's just not that into you..." Sadly, too many men are afraid of confrontation and too wussy to tell you that they want to end it. The book "He's Just Not That Into You" puts it well.
With a guy that has been dating you for several months, presumably you were sleeping together and monogamy was expected, certainly he should man up and tell you that he would rather date other people. I hate to use the cliche but "he's just not that into you..." Sadly, too many men are afraid of confrontation and too wussy to tell you that they want to end it. The book "He's Just Not That Into You" puts it well.
Sometimes, you have to create your own "closure."
Yeah, pretty much. He started his fade after I asked him if we were a couple (after several months of us sleeping together). We seemed to click both mentally and sexually and we pretty much were exclusive anyway--so I didn't expect it to be an earth shattering question. He got flustered and gave me this line about how special I was, he wasn't sure, and that he needed time, etc, etc, and he has been "fading" in and out (mostly out) ever since.
I am moving on though--I figure I gave it a chance for monogamy and he pretty much gave me a non-answer backed up by a bunch of wishy-washyness that means "no" as far as I am concerned. You know, I could deal with the indecision and wait if he just didn't do the fading crap and just kept in touch. It's the combination of no answer and fading that hurts.
I haven't ruled him out... who knows, maybe he will suddenly come around. I am keeping the lines of communication open on my end, even if he doesn't answer me. But I am not holding my breath either. He's a good man at heart, but he has really heavy baggage and hasn't been in a relationship in 8 years because he had been hurt pretty badly. Maybe he's just permanently, emotionally damaged or maybe I am not the right woman to snap him out of that state.
Since he doesn't seem to want a monogamous relationship, I am actively searching again... I hate dating sites, but I started there. I am already getting hit on by scam-artists and men born before my father (which is the norm that happens to me on these sites). But surprising, two men I winked at wrote back to me and I am having a conversation with one on the merits and flaws of Doctor Who and the other guy and I are swapping camping stories. So who knows.
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