What to do? STUCK (marriage, love, therapy, husband)
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I am currently in a situation where I do not know what to do. I love my companion, but I feel stuck. Any time we argue, it is always turned around on me in ways that are getting out of hand. There is not constant yelling, shoving, threatening. And no matter what the situation, They cannot see whT they are doing until afterwards. Now don't get me wrong, I have my faults. But I don't feel that I should be told the things I am told day after day. There is mental illness on both sides of the spectrum, so it can make it difficultly times. And we have our good times that are really good, but when we have the bad times they are really bad. I just feel like I have gotten into a situation I cannot fix or get out of. After each incident, there is an apology, excuses, and I of course forgive them. But how can I forget? I know this pattern all too well, being through it previously, and I'm scared I may have possibly made a bigger mistake this time. Because worst of all, when they tell others about the situation...they twist it and lie in ways that make me shocked. Like I don't know who they are. I've noticed this going on for a while now. But it's all getting worse, all of it. I don't know what I have gotten myself into
What is the mental illness, OP. I remember when I had my medical exam. There was a question if there is spousal abuse going on in the marriage. I actually was perplexed why it would be asked on medical exam.
And then I saw the exam result that there is no mental issue on my part. LOL. I guess if you are in abusive marriage it is a sign that there's mental illness if you are abused?!!!
Because OBVIOUSLY the abuser is mental! Like psychotic.
Anyway, I am thinking I may leave my husband because he is just a ticking time bomb. Physically no abuse but the things he said and what he did yesterday makes me question his mental health. Is it worth staying in the marriage. I am leaning on no. I actually already told him I will leave and gave him his house key. He backtracked. I already told him he is bi-polar.
Anyway OP I can see why I can be stuck because I am married, even then... I won't wait till it got worst because I am peacing out the moment he did something out of hand. Why can't you leave? You are not married.
I was in a similar situation. We'd go through good times, then things would slowly deteriorate until we were fighting. We'd make up, and then it would be great rinse and repeat.
The only issue? Eventually it got physical, eventually I began to question my reality, my sanity and who I was because of being constantly berated.
Everyone on this board encouraged me to run and run fast. I did. I have never looked back or regretted it.
I'm free from the crazy making. And the longer I am away the more I realize that I was not unbalanced or messed up or mental. He was.
It is a choice. You are never stuck and the fact that you feel that way is a strong indicator of the issues that are really going on.
Listen to yourself and follow your gut. Happy, healthy relationships don't make you feel stuck.
I am currently in a situation where I do not know what to do. I love my companion, but I feel stuck. Any time we argue, it is always turned around on me in ways that are getting out of hand. There is not constant yelling, shoving, threatening. And no matter what the situation, They cannot see whT they are doing until afterwards. Now don't get me wrong, I have my faults. But I don't feel that I should be told the things I am told day after day. There is mental illness on both sides of the spectrum, so it can make it difficultly times. And we have our good times that are really good, but when we have the bad times they are really bad. I just feel like I have gotten into a situation I cannot fix or get out of. After each incident, there is an apology, excuses, and I of course forgive them. But how can I forget? I know this pattern all too well, being through it previously, and I'm scared I may have possibly made a bigger mistake this time. Because worst of all, when they tell others about the situation...they twist it and lie in ways that make me shocked. Like I don't know who they are. I've noticed this going on for a while now. But it's all getting worse, all of it. I don't know what I have gotten myself into
Just needed to let things out a little..........
Nobody can really fill the void in your heart, sweetie. True happiness comes within.
Through your struggle, I can see that you are a more compassionate person. Again wish you the best.
I am currently in a situation where I do not know what to do. I love my companion, but I feel stuck. Any time we argue, it is always turned around on me in ways that are getting out of hand. There is not constant yelling, shoving, threatening. And no matter what the situation, They cannot see whT they are doing until afterwards. Now don't get me wrong, I have my faults. But I don't feel that I should be told the things I am told day after day. There is mental illness on both sides of the spectrum, so it can make it difficultly times. And we have our good times that are really good, but when we have the bad times they are really bad. I just feel like I have gotten into a situation I cannot fix or get out of. After each incident, there is an apology, excuses, and I of course forgive them. But how can I forget? I know this pattern all too well, being through it previously, and I'm scared I may have possibly made a bigger mistake this time. Because worst of all, when they tell others about the situation...they twist it and lie in ways that make me shocked. Like I don't know who they are. I've noticed this going on for a while now. But it's all getting worse, all of it. I don't know what I have gotten myself into
Just needed to let things out a little..........
Is that a typo? Should it read, "There is noW constant yelling..."?
There's mental illness on both your parts? Are you both on meds? Are the dosages working well? Are you both in therapy? Have you tried couples therapy? It sounds like good communication skills are lacking.
This is the classic cycle of abuse - it is psychological: your partner presenting you in a different light to others. It is emotional, being pulled in by apparent contrition and penitence, only to have UGLY rear up on it's back legs all over again for no real reason. The relativism (there is mutual mental illness) provides an idea that it should be tolerable, because real abuse involves bruises, blood, tears, etc. No, this is abuse, because there is a tearing of connection and attempts to mollify and re-integrate. This isn't normal.
For the poster 'meaning:' abuse, suicidality, and high tension issues are raised in medical exams because it has been found that most of the population sees their MD at least once per year, as opposed to chances with a mental health provider. There are becoming integrated health facilities that address physical and mental health all in one stop. There is a common model used with the military, though this mirrors many other integrated services seen more frequently in society. And when a MD sees it, people tend to listen to them. Getting interventions fast and when ready is a life-saver.
Further and more specifically, again, to the poster 'meaning:' I would hope you clarify the diagnosis of partner - bi-polar doesn't often get angry; there is frequently co-morbidity with Axis II diagnoses, including Cluster B - Antisocial, Histrionic, Narcissistic, and Borderline. Many mix up the former (bi-polar) with the latter (borderline).
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