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I used to post on here quite a bit about my insecurities and issues I had with dating. I used to get so focused on the dating process, over-analyzing, driving myself literally crazy to the point where I got anxiety over certain situations that I had to see a therapist. I did a lot of online dating with quite a few women who just didn't have the decency to tell me when they were no longer interested and it tore me apart and astounded me.
Well after a year and a half of torture I finally met a girl different from all of them. I considered writing off dating completely many times but I eventually found myself going back or browsing profiles again. Asking out women I knew through friends, randomly, etc never really worked for me for reasons unknown still today, but I slowly learned from and changed my online dating approach that I am deciding to share with anyone who face similar obstacles.
I realized that dating isn't something you have much control over. It's really all about whether you can establish a connection with someone. If someone isn't interested it's nothing personal, and if they write you off because of one little thing then it's better you found out in the first few dates than have them leave you stranded at the altar or in divorce court. If someone treats you poorly or is rude on a date, that doesn't mean everyone online is a dbag or biotch, it just means that person is and you were unlucky. If you run into the same type of people when online dating, try to find out what they have in common and change something about what you look for.
My example: I realized I dated a lot of dishonest women who were not as straightforward as they claim to be and didn't have the respect to reject me when they were no longer interested, they would just disappear. So I decided I wanted to try dating NICER girls. Sure, anyone can just say they are nice in their profile, but look for examples about who they are that might back their statements. The girl I found and currently dating happily is nice, but I knew because she was a teacher for small children, talked about her family, charity work she does, and habitat building trips. These are all characteristics of someone who is nice.
I stopped sending an email out to every cute picture I came across and sent out one email every few days to the person I felt I liked most based on their profile. Well I met a girl that completely took away all the pain and confusion involved with dating. She calls me when she wants to talk to me. She always calls me back as soon as she's able to. If she has a question about me, she asks it. If she wants to see me, she accepts a date or asks me out. There's no pressure, she's fun, nice, and already happy with her life. She isn't looking for someone to MAKE her happy. She's giving, she's flexible and can compromise. She's affectionate, she shares her thoughts, she's intelligent, and absolutely gorgeous. I'm lucky as hell to have met her and I know there's more women out there like her, and I know there's great men out there too. You just have to be patient, resilient, thick-skinned, but not afraid to keep an open mind to going out of your comfort zone and changing the way YOU do thing in terms of dating and types of people you are interested in. Look at yourself and change things about you and think about what you can offer someone else rather than what someone can offer you.
Just thought I'd share this with everyone as I feel super lucky and even if this girl and I end up breaking up someday I'll still have hope for the future. I wish everyone luck and hope they can learn from my experience.
I used to post on here quite a bit about my insecurities and issues I had with dating. I used to get so focused on the dating process, over-analyzing, driving myself literally crazy to the point where I got anxiety over certain situations that I had to see a therapist. I did a lot of online dating with quite a few women who just didn't have the decency to tell me when they were no longer interested and it tore me apart and astounded me.
Well after a year and a half of torture I finally met a girl different from all of them. I considered writing off dating completely many times but I eventually found myself going back or browsing profiles again. Asking out women I knew through friends, randomly, etc never really worked for me for reasons unknown still today, but I slowly learned from and changed my online dating approach that I am deciding to share with anyone who face similar obstacles.
I realized that dating isn't something you have much control over. It's really all about whether you can establish a connection with someone. If someone isn't interested it's nothing personal, and if they write you off because of one little thing then it's better you found out in the first few dates than have them leave you stranded at the altar or in divorce court. If someone treats you poorly or is rude on a date, that doesn't mean everyone online is a dbag or biotch, it just means that person is and you were unlucky. If you run into the same type of people when online dating, try to find out what they have in common and change something about what you look for.
My example: I realized I dated a lot of dishonest women who were not as straightforward as they claim to be and didn't have the respect to reject me when they were no longer interested, they would just disappear. So I decided I wanted to try dating NICER girls. Sure, anyone can just say they are nice in their profile, but look for examples about who they are that might back their statements. The girl I found and currently dating happily is nice, but I knew because she was a teacher for small children, talked about her family, charity work she does, and habitat building trips. These are all characteristics of someone who is nice.
I stopped sending an email out to every cute picture I came across and sent out one email every few days to the person I felt I liked most based on their profile. Well I met a girl that completely took away all the pain and confusion involved with dating. She calls me when she wants to talk to me. She always calls me back as soon as she's able to. If she has a question about me, she asks it. If she wants to see me, she accepts a date or asks me out. There's no pressure, she's fun, nice, and already happy with her life. She isn't looking for someone to MAKE her happy. She's giving, she's flexible and can compromise. She's affectionate, she shares her thoughts, she's intelligent, and absolutely gorgeous. I'm lucky as hell to have met her and I know there's more women out there like her, and I know there's great men out there too. You just have to be patient, resilient, thick-skinned, but not afraid to keep an open mind to going out of your comfort zone and changing the way YOU do thing in terms of dating and types of people you are interested in. Look at yourself and change things about you and think about what you can offer someone else rather than what someone can offer you.
Just thought I'd share this with everyone as I feel super lucky and even if this girl and I end up breaking up someday I'll still have hope for the future. I wish everyone luck and hope they can learn from my experience.
You are so right. I think many of us have had people say some absurdly, ridiculous things to us and sometimes it hinders us from wanting to meet someone else, but not everyone is like that.
I'm glad you met someone who you feel comfortable with.
She sounds great. Good for you. I am happy for you!
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