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As a special education teacher, I'm fairly well prepared to raise the developmentally disabled child I am certainly "doomed to have."
I had my first child at 35 and my second at 37. They are both healthy little boys! My obgyn wasn't concerned with my age. People should make the choices that are best for them. My husband and I were married for about 6 years before we decided to start our family. It was what was best for us.
The UN has been aware of this for about 30 years. They've been pushing education for women in developing countries as a curb to over-population. When women have a goal to work towards--their own education and future career--they value themselves more, have improved self-esteem, and are motivated to postpone marriage and other personal gratification until after completing their education and getting a good job.
The problem that you run into in a lot of third world places is the culture against women raising themselves up. That takes a long time to counter. The easiest solution right now would just be an aerosolized birth control.
- The average age of first marriage in the United States is 27 for women and 29 for men, up from 23 for women and 26 for men in 1990 and 20 and 22 in 1960.
- Financially, college-educated women benefit the most from marrying later. Women who marry later make more money per year than women who marry young.
- Financially, men of all education levels benefit from marrying earlier Men who marry in their 20s make more money by their mid-30s than men who marry after 30, regardless of education level.
- College-educated women are unlikely to have a child before getting married.
- Women without college degrees are very likely to have a child before getting married.
- Couples who are not married when they have children are far more likely to split up.
I can think of many reasons for these statistics that the article doesn't discuss. I'm not sure if their phrasing of "benefit" makes sense. For example, men making more money when marrying younger may be due to the fact that their partner makes less (likely the wife being younger also) & they must earn more as the primary "breadwinner". And while women 30+ make more money when marrying later, if they do marry, their partner will make less since he'll likely be "older" also. And of course women will make more money when they are supporting themselves; with no family it will be more of a focus.
The most interesting thing is the connection between higher education & when a woman has children. Higher education has some tie to not becoming a single mom with kids out of wedlock. That's interesting to me considering the complaints from men about so many single women in their 30s being single moms, yet they do not see any value for a relationship in a woman being college educated....
For example, men making more money when marrying younger may be due to the fact that their partner makes less (likely the wife being younger also) & they must earn more as the primary "breadwinner".
i don't think the article was talking about relative earnings not absolute earnings - meaning the amount earned by the wife had nothing to do with the calculation.
i wonder if this is a case of some kind of bias (i know there are many different kinds of bias to watch out for when conducting research, and the name of this particular type escapes me at the moment)? i can think of a couple different scenarios that would explain why men who marry earlier might earn more:
1) desirable men have no problem getting partners - and their desirability also makes them more successful in the workplace. it's been documented, for instance, that taller men earn more than shorter men, and taller men also have an easier time finding mates.
2) men who marry earlier are the type who tend to be workaholics and extremely career focused anyway, and are perfectly happy to just settle down and get marriage out of the way so they can focus on their careers. believe it or not, i've actually met and known a number of such guys over the years.
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple
And while women 30+ make more money when marrying later, if they do marry, their partner will make less since he'll likely be "older" also.
i don't know why you put older in quotes, but anyway, older men are likely to earn more than younger men, unless you're talking about the retired bunch.
That's an incredibly unfair set of dice to roll for your future child just so you can make a "Mini-Me".
There is so much wrong with this post - I don't even know where to begin. Instead, I'll just say that making cruel judgements to others rarely makes people feel better about themselves.
In addition to this - I know many women, including myself, who have had children in our 30's. All the children are healthy and none of them have Down syndrome or anything. And even if they did - the wouldn't be loved any less. Oh - and women in their teens and 20's can give birth to children with disabilities and problems as well. Age if the mother is not a guarantee of a perfect baby. And if you need to have a perfect baby - you probably shouldn't be having children.
I agree with the correlation between higher education and not being a single mother with kids out of wedlock
You rarely if ever see female doctors, politicians, engineers, CEOs, lawyers who had tons of kids in their early years. That usually sets women back and puts them in a hole that's hard to get out off
I don't think that 20 year old women are in the dark about their reproductive abilities. I don't see a point in getting married to someone that isn't right for you just so that you can have children. That's only going to lead to divorce or an unhappy marriage. If you don't find the right person until later in life - there are options if you want to have children. In addition to this - fertility isn't something you can predict. Some women are unable to have children at any age. Say a 24 year old decides to marry someone she isn't really in love with because she feels that she shouldn't wait to have children - and then she finds out she's infertile. I know women that have had trouble getting pregnant in their 20's and I know women that had no problem getting pregnant in their late 30's. There are no guarantees about this - better to find the right partner and take it from there.
My advice to people would be to be open to love. It might find when you when you are 16 or 46. Don't put off falling in love and don't put pressure on yourself to find it by a certain date. Just be open to it at any age.
You didn't answer my question. What if you meet your soul mate at 39 and find that you are already perimenopausal and turns out you can't have kids unless you have a ton of money for fertility treatments?Is it wise for a young woman who wants to have children to wait until her "soul mate" comes along?
You post deals with anomalies instead of what is typical. There will always be exceptions; to live ones life believing that you will be the exception is rather foolish.
This is what makes it somewhat hilarious-according to many studies, research, etc this "fate" that I find myself in was never supposed to happen to me. I grew up in a two parent household where both parents were married with college educations(both had masters degrees), my dads income was in the top 5% in America, my high school was featured in an Oprah episode about a rich school versus a poor school in Chicago Illinois. I lived in some of the wealthier neighborhoods and went to the best schools. I graduated college magna *** laude... I was engaged to be married and expected to do amazing things....
For all intent and purposes I was never supposed to be a single mom and yet here I am. In addition im also a young mom since i had my son at 24. i would be lying if I said that my life has not been significantly impacted by my decision. I do have to make decisions about careers that I wouldn't have had to make had I waited. Though there is no guarantee it would last(I was with my ex for almost 8 years), I could have waited gotten married and then had a baby later in life. I could have saved more money, became more stable, owned a house etc. and maybe my life would be better then it is now, or maybe not..
This is what I do know- no point in second guessing it. I believe I was chosen to have my son at the exact time I did, and in my circumstances so that he could be born at the exact time and in the situation that he was born into. I was merely a vessel lol. I also believe this situation(in spite of my education and the fact that I seem to defy all of that which typically leads one to become a single mom) was needed in order for me to become the person I'm starting to become.
Had I not had my son, there is no telling where I would be right now or if I would be pursuing my dream career(which is what I'm doing currently)because since becoming a mom and going through life I've learned that life is too short to second guess decisions or to try to make decisions based on studies, research, others, or on what society tells you to do. Just live your life according to you. So if that means having kids early but without being as educated or rich, then great, if that means waiting until you've met the right man(education or not) then great, or if that means pursuing your education and postponing children and marriage that great!
What I think is silly, however, is that the article assumes that every woman or person wants the same thing. For instance there are plenty of women who only ever desired to have children or get married and never saw education as a valuable necessity in life. There are woman that might not value financial wealth or feel that it should stop them from having a child, etc, etc. there are woman that dont believe being married or being with the right man is necessary to have a child. There are woman that want children young despite the challenges and women that want children once they are established and older despite the risks. Essentially we are not all the same and even value the same things or care. I can assure you I have met plenty of moms(married or not married) and some of them waited later in life because of education/career, others because they hadnt met someone but had they met someone they would have had children much earlier and vice versus.
I think this article like most "studies" and "research" done in this society is divisive and not very helpful IMO. There is no right way in life. Friedrich Nietzsche said it best, "You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only, it does not exist."
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