OLD profiles... what do you look at/how do you contact (dating, women)
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I am curious what things people actually look at when looking at online dating profiles and how they contact. I'll tell you what I do at and then tell why I am asking.
I first look for age. I do a search for all men in my area withing a certain age range (about 3 years younger to 10 years older than me). Then I do a keyword search for my favorite hobbies that are common. That usually narrows the list down to something manageable (re: not 50 pages of names, but maybe 10). Then I filter out anyone who doesn't have a profile picture (figure they aren't serious/probably not subscribers). That gets me about 5 pages. First night I was online I spent four hours sifting though all the profiles. Now I just search the new men (since I looked at the others already).
Then I go though that list and click on each profile and read mainly interests and hobbies and if a person sounds fairly compatible with me, send an emote (I used to send messages--but I quickly figured out that a lot of people just aren't even online and that's a waste of time... if I emote, they look at my profile and I can see they are "live") If they respond to my emote or if they look at my profile, then I send a short message about something that interested me in their profile... then wait. Some message back, most don't.
So why I am asking? Pure curiosity. I am baffled by what men are looking at/for and thought it would be helpful if I got a rough idea. But I also want to know what other women look at too because, I think it might be helpful to the men reading this post.
The site I am on tells me when people look at my profile. A lot of men men look and never message--that's to be expected since most people aren't each others types.
But the ones who confuse me most are the men who contact me first (not ones responding to my emotes) who message but never look. Are they just looking at my picture? Are they spamming everyone? Even had a few who didn't look at my profile say they wanted to meet me because we have "so much in common." How do they even know that without looking at my profile? In every case I looked at their profiles and saw nothing in common. So I thanked them for looking at my profile (even though they didn't) and asked what in particular they thought we had in common. "THEN" they look at my profile. The weird things is, when I responded, none answered me except one--who said what we had in common is that I am looking for a man and he's a man, lol. Okay, that narrows it down.
It's just weird and baffling. For what it's worth, I have one date already. And that man contacted me first. I think I looked at his profile and originally though, little in common, and went on. But he saw I looked at his profile and he looked at my profile THEN sent me a message and we've messaged (and phone called) since. He proposed a weird first date (which would have been him and me, alone in a secluded place... ah, no. That's not going to happen with someone I met online three days ago. lol) Luckily, I talked him into a more public date.
I still hate online dating though. Can't wait until summer when I am outside more and see more people, more often.
Last edited by jillabean; 03-04-2014 at 07:02 AM..
I just search everyone's profile and click on the ones that look hot. I then read the profile to make sure she doesn't have anything that annoys me. If they pass that, I send a message.
I just search everyone's profile and click on the ones that look hot. I then read the profile to make sure she doesn't have anything that annoys me. If they pass that, I send a message.
About the same. I don't get the words before the picture. Some women I'm just not all that attracted to. I have looked at a picture that I was attracted to and then read the profile and was no longer attracted. Ultimately if I find their headshot attractive, then I'm going to pay HEAVY attention to what they wrote.
I generally trust OKC's match system, as it's been reasonably accurate in the past. So going down the search list, in order:
1) Decent match percentage
2) Attractive picture (though I'm VERY loose on what's considered "attractive")
3) Profile
The funny thing is that while the above is my search "priority" list, the list would be in reverse for dealbreakers. Like, there are many things that could be in a profile that will ABSOLUTELY prevent me from contacting a woman. There are some pictures that would have this effect as well. And no theoretical number will outright prevent me from contacting someone.
I just wait for guys to contact me. I never initiated contact. Then I click on their profile, look at the pic, age, status. That's mostly what I did when I was active online. The rest, I'd rather know in person when we meet ASAP.
About the same. I don't get the words before the picture. Some women I'm just not all that attracted to. I have looked at a picture that I was attracted to and then read the profile and was no longer attracted. Ultimately if I find their headshot attractive, then I'm going to pay HEAVY attention to what they wrote.
One thing I learned is to never trust a profile with only headshots and never trust a profile where the pictures of the girl are taken from an angle above her head
On OKCupid, I look at the match rate. I take that very seriously, as I have optimized my answers for compatibility (as in I didn't answer any "frivolous" questions - all of the ones in my profile represent things I consider important). If it's less than 85%, I don't even bother. With profiles of less than 85% match, there is ALWAYS a dealbreaker for me.
Then I sort through the photos. I don't put much stock in these in terms of attraction, but the photos can tell you a lot about someone in the context of their profile. Mine are generally just a head shot and a body shot. I think they reflect my utilitarian/pragmatic nature.
Some people will have a lot of photos of them doing various sports or visiting places - I'm fine with that. There are some guys who will have photos of themselves basically naked - I skip them over. I'm not a prude, but I feel like guys like that will have issues with boundaries and good judgment. I like to see pictures of pets, because my pets are an integral part of my life. There's a few other things too.
But the thing about photos for determining attraction is that photos lie. I'm one of the least photogenic people on the planet (literally looked like Shrek's mother in my latest round of professional photos), and I've had guys NOT recognize me based on my photos. I get a lot of "You're way hotter than your photos." And prior to one date, one guy and I stood side by side texting each other, not realizing we were standing next to each other. We were both pleasantly surprised to say the least.
But after the pictures, I consider the personal statement. How arrogant do they seem? Do they present themselves in a way that is consistent? How well does their profile match with their questions? Are there any red flags (like "women are liars/cheats/etc" or "I've been hurt before")?
If they seem like they'd be funny (or at least appreciate humor), kind and intelligent, in addition to meeting the other criteria, I will message them.
When they contact me, I also will evaluate their initial message though. There should be a couple of sentences or short paragraphs rather than an essay, but there should be some personalization and they should ask at least one question, even if it's just "how's your day going?"
This may seem overly picky, but I've been using online dating for about 15 years. This is a methodology that has developed over that time, and I have to say I generally have enjoyable dates.
One thing I learned is to never trust a profile with only headshots and never trust a profile where the pictures of the girl are taken from an angle above her head
It's really quick to go through the 4 profiles that are left once you rule these out!
It's really quick to go through the 4 profiles that are left once you rule these out!
agree completely! ahhah
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