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I also want someone who does a thing for me that I have always done for my partners (but have not always had reciprocated). I want a partner who outspokenly admires my accomplishments in life, talks about them to their friends, is impressed by them, etc. This feels selfish to ask for, but I think it's absence has, in retrospect, been a red flag. I am proud of what I have done, and I want someone who is proud of me.
I agree. Too often, I get the impression from some men that they want the woman in their life to be some extension of themselves & their goals & needs, not appreciating who she is an individual separate from them. It's as if the woman is a cardboard cutout to decorate their lives, not a 3 dimensional human being with her own feelings & ideas & talents, etc.
I agree. Too often, I get the impression from some men that they want the woman in their life to be some extension of themselves & their goals & needs, not appreciating who she is an individual separate from them. It's as if the woman is a cardboard cutout to decorate their lives, not a 3 dimensional human being with her own feelings & ideas & talents, etc.
Women need admiration also.
guys will and like to talk up their woman to other guys,,, in a public/ social gathering, i do see guys talking up their woman too, but it becomes a gray area, if the woman is cutting him down in front of others,,,could be just for conversation or for laughs,,,but if it happens,,the guy isnt going to be talking her up
and unfortunately, ive witnessed this quite often..
and again it depends on the situation,,, you dont go bragging up your own woman in front of others if a close friends wife is cheating on him....they make take it as a personal attack or arrogance..
one on one, i do see men proud and talking up their wives...
but its a two way street,,if a woman is constantly nagging, and poking at him, or putting him down,,,,dont be expecting him to be different to you..
and yes, i do believe sociiety in general places a high expectation on women,,to be great mothers, great wives, great cooks/cleaners,(someone drops by for a visit, and the house isnt clean, the woman gets blamed for it not the guy) etc,,,and thats a bit unfair..
but ironically, i've seen/heard other women being the most critical of other women.
a good woman comes in many shapes/sizes and personalities, just like a good man,, but as a relationship they should compliment each other and pull out the best in one another , not the worse
the cardboard cut out of what a woman should be- or extension of himself?? i dont see that- maybe 2-3 generations ago..
if fact i see men being more and more appeasing or avoiding as to avoid conflict,,or not upset her..
and this can also be dangerous, because when younger , you need a partner that will challenge you or "keep each other in check" from reverting to the baggage and b.s. of their own past norms..
its like a guy doesnt really care what style curtains a woman picks out - "whatever you want honey"
but this attitude is parlayed in most of the house , and on norms of the relationship-much more now, than years ago,,which can be ok, can be healthy, but if the woman is a control freak- the guy is feeding a monster and he will be a door mat in a matter of 3 months..and now has very little say about anything,,
then he gets quiet,,and the distance ensues-
in a relationship, you'd like to think,,you get what you give,,,
well- since you asked- and this truly is beyond the basics- but it has always puzzled me why more women don't look for a man with basic handyman skills. It's a total turnoff to me when a man can't do things the most rudimentary household tasks like switch out a light fixture, fix a faucet, unclog a drain, hang a ceiling fan, replace brakes or do a tuneup on a car- seriously do you realize how many TENS of THOUSANDS of dollars you would save over a lifetime if he would just take the time to learn a few basic skills rather than pay someone else every time you need a picture hung? Yes women could learn these skills too- but you did ask about men. Sometime I watch HGTV shows like Renovation Realities and these guys just look so wimpy and pathetic to me not to mention clueless. I guess I just got lucky in my relationships- or maybe this was a higher priority on my list than other women place on it.
Why should a guy need to be a handyman when he always pay an actual and certified expert to do the work? Sure it may cost a little extra money, but if he can easily afford to pay for it and wants to, why is that necessarily such a bad thing, if it saves time and potentially unnecessary heavy physical exertion and/or hard labor?
Not to go OT or anything, but since in 2014 women are obviously no longer expected to be SAHM's as they were in the 1950's and earlier, why can't we also get beyond the old/outdated stereotype of a man always having to be a handyman and a physical laborer?
A man who likes and admires me, who finds me very attractive.
A man I can like and admire, and want to jump his bones.
All the specific stuff is not too important.
I think you should not want to fundamentally change the person you are with. Small things can be changed. Such as, my husband likes me to wear dresses more often. No big deal. I like him to be freshly clean shaven, which is very very attractive to me. So he shaves at night.
I also like truthfulness, but not too much. Small lies of omission are expected. ( don't tell me that you could see my underwear through my dress AFTER we come home from a party. Don't tell me that you think so and so is more attractive than me. Etc...)
Looking at the lists of what women say they want, and I agree with all of it, I suspect that there are men out there who think that is much too much work. They want to be the dream guy just by owning an expensive car.. They can buy an expensive car without putting any effort in. They don't want to be a decent and complete human being because self improvement takes so much time and effort and involves thought and analysis. .
Or they want women to desire tall men. They can't make themselves tall, so that is their excuse to not put any effort in.
Those men are the ones who are paying money to the gurus to have the gurus tell them the magic lie that makes women drop their pants. And then, incidentally, blaming the women when the magic lie doesn't work. Because other (non-relationship) men have told them that is what women want, and of course if a woman doesn't agree, she has to be a sociopath.
....................I admit, I'm not the most handy man type out there but I can do stuff around the house but part of me doesn't want to waste my time, I've got other skills that are useful.... Your post is about the equivalent of men droning on about women needing to be baking pies, eager to do sewing and things like that.
I'm fine with a man who calls the plumber instead of doing it myself. As long as he can afford the plumber and he actually calls the plumber. I don't want to get stuck being a momma substitute for a man who won't take care of himself.
If he wants to take his car to the shop for a tune-up, I will drive and pick him up. As long as I don't have to keep track of when his car needs to go into the shop, make the appointment, and take it in myself.
Another problem I see other women having is they are with a man who won't get around to fixing things and yet throws a temper tantrum if she tries to call some one. She gets to live with a faucet that drips for months on end because he is going to do it when he gets around to it.
Off track a bit. I have yet to meet a man who admires sewing skills, but many men appreciate a home baked pie. It might not be a deal breaker, but a good cook is appreciated. I'll add that it isn't a deal breaker for me, either, but a man who can cook is appreciated.
and yes, i do believe sociiety in general places a high expectation on women,,to be great mothers, great wives, great cooks/cleaners,(someone drops by for a visit, and the house isnt clean, the woman gets blamed for it not the guy) etc,,,and thats a bit unfair..
but ironically, i've seen/heard other women being the most critical of other women.
This is the important point. All of the guys I've met (who are actually happy in their relationship) speak highly of their other half, for sure. But there seems to be a disparity in what they speak highly of.
Sometimes it's a comment about her advancing, getting a degree, a promotion, being really great at something she's passionate about, maybe getting some kind of award. More often, though, it's bragging about her appearance, how well she takes care of him, how agreeable and not at all a nag she is, or how good she is at something that matters to him, like cooking or giving head.
There are definitely men who are proud of their women all across the board. Just saying that it seems a tad more common for guys to be proud of their women in a context that relates back to them in some way. Not saying it's a universal male trait, it's just what it seems like in this society and your observation is likely a large part of why.
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple
I agree. Too often, I get the impression from some men that they want the woman in their life to be some extension of themselves & their goals & needs, not appreciating who she is an individual separate from them. It's as if the woman is a cardboard cutout to decorate their lives, not a 3 dimensional human being with her own feelings & ideas & talents, etc.
This is the important point. All of the guys I've met (who are actually happy in their relationship) speak highly of their other half, for sure. But there seems to be a disparity in what they speak highly of.
Sometimes it's a comment about her advancing, getting a degree, a promotion, being really great at something she's passionate about, maybe getting some kind of award. More often, though, it's bragging about her appearance, how well she takes care of him, how agreeable and not at all a nag she is, or how good she is at something that matters to him, like cooking or giving head.
There are definitely men who are proud of their women all across the board. Just saying that it seems a tad more common for guys to be proud of their women in a context that relates back to them in some way. Not saying it's a universal male trait, it's just what it seems like in this society and your observation is likely a large part of why.
Regarding the bolded, has the possibility ever occurred to you that IT IS too much work? Put another way, that some of you gals perhaps think a wee bit too much of yourselves? Or perhaps your "lists" are just a touch unrealistic?
No, no, no. I know. This is CD-R and the wyminnz are always right.
We aren't.But if you listen to some of us it would be easier.
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Sure it may cost a little extra money, but if he can easily afford to pay for it and wants to, why is that necessarily such a bad thing, if it saves time and potentially unnecessary heavy physical exertion and/or hard labor?
