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I had a long discussion with a friend of mine yesterday. He knows me pretty well, and we see eye to eye a lot. I had told him I had been feeling some long time discomfort and distress with my life and myself lately. He flat out told me that my issue is that I don't know what I am suppose to do in life and that I need companionship.
I am inclined to agree with him. With companionship, I try not to entertain the thought of it because it has never happened to me before. Not romantically anyway. I know it is one of things I desire in life, but it is getting to the point where it is affecting my mood, when it shouldn't be. I don't want to feel like I HAVE to have someone in my life in order to be happy because I know better.
He told me he thinks my standards are unrealistically too high. Of course I don't think so, because the only thing I really care about is mutual attraction. I have been attracted to all kinds of guys, I don't pay attention to what he has, or what he does, not really. I don't really do much myself, I am a college student and I live with my family. I can't really ask for too much haha. Of course I don't want someone who is felon, or really bad with drugs, alcohol, money, or have terrible anger issues, etc.
I don't fall for guys left and right, I did when I was a bit younger in high school. As I was quite insecure. My luck with guys is horrible as it never moves past a certain face. We will "talk" for a LONG time and then it's over. I learned a lot from my little experience I have had, and realized relationships may not be for me. I don't try to analyze myself because I'm weird with that kind of stuff. My basically told me that I want a guy I have spontaneous mutual attraction too, want him to look good (even though I did not say that), and I can't remember what else he said.
My point is, I don't think my standards are too high at all. I am not asking for a rich man, a man that looks like trey songz, an actor, an athlete or anything like that. As a matter of fact I am not looking at all. I am still trying to figure myself out. I don't mind being single, what is bothering me is that the fact that it's on my mind at all. I actually just turned 21 a few days ago to haha. I did get to the point where I felt that a relationship is not in my future. It bugged me for a while but I got over. I guess you can I am trying to focus myself on other things. What is your definition of having high standards?
Is there any chance that your friend was just giving you boilerplate advice, without actually thinking about your specific situation?
I also wonder why your previous dates didn't go anywhere. Do you make moves, physically? Or do you think you have to wait for the guy to do it? Many guys are too shy, especially if you are unskilled at giving 'signals' or they are unskilled at reading them.
Is there any chance that your friend was just giving you boilerplate advice, without actually thinking about your specific situation?
I also wonder why your previous dates didn't go anywhere. Do you make moves, physically? Or do you think you have to wait for the guy to do it? Many guys are too shy, especially if you are unskilled at giving 'signals' or they are unskilled at reading them.
He has feelings for me actually but I think he was being objective as he possibly could with me though. He knows of what I told him. Most of the time I talked to these guys it was in high school and their concern was only sex. They didn't care too much for me. The other guys that liked me back on the other hand I was too shy to tell them how I felt. I was soooo self conscious about everything I did. It was because I was listening to everyone else's BS advice instead of my own.
Right now I am not interested in anyone. Most of the guys I have liked, it happened out of the blue. I have a general idea of what I want in a guy. The only thing that is missing is the mutual attraction, that is the MAIN thing I look for. I don't want to enter into a relationship just to get into one. As I stated before, being single doesn't bother me. It's the nagging feeling that I always will be is what is bugging me. I just decided to leave it alone and just live life. I'll figure out eventually.
I had a long discussion with a friend of mine yesterday. He knows me pretty well, and we see eye to eye a lot. I had told him I had been feeling some long time discomfort and distress with my life and myself lately. He flat out told me that my issue is that I don't know what I am suppose to do in life and that I need companionship.
I am inclined to agree with him. With companionship, I try not to entertain the thought of it because it has never happened to me before. Not romantically anyway. I know it is one of things I desire in life, but it is getting to the point where it is affecting my mood, when it shouldn't be. I don't want to feel like I HAVE to have someone in my life in order to be happy because I know better.
He told me he thinks my standards are unrealistically too high. Of course I don't think so, because the only thing I really care about is mutual attraction. I have been attracted to all kinds of guys, I don't pay attention to what he has, or what he does, not really. I don't really do much myself, I am a college student and I live with my family. I can't really ask for too much haha. Of course I don't want someone who is felon, or really bad with drugs, alcohol, money, or have terrible anger issues, etc.
I don't fall for guys left and right, I did when I was a bit younger in high school. As I was quite insecure. My luck with guys is horrible as it never moves past a certain face. We will "talk" for a LONG time and then it's over. I learned a lot from my little experience I have had, and realized relationships may not be for me. I don't try to analyze myself because I'm weird with that kind of stuff. My basically told me that I want a guy I have spontaneous mutual attraction too, want him to look good (even though I did not say that), and I can't remember what else he said.
My point is, I don't think my standards are too high at all. I am not asking for a rich man, a man that looks like trey songz, an actor, an athlete or anything like that. As a matter of fact I am not looking at all. I am still trying to figure myself out. I don't mind being single, what is bothering me is that the fact that it's on my mind at all. I actually just turned 21 a few days ago to haha. I did get to the point where I felt that a relationship is not in my future. It bugged me for a while but I got over. I guess you can I am trying to focus myself on other things. What is your definition of having high standards?
Guy friends are oftentimes not objective and give advice to make you want to go to them. This guy is merely manipulating you to make you want to go out with him.
Trust me, guy friends with feelings are nothing but manipulators.
Well, in the other thread, there was a woman who said in a pool of 100 guys, she was attracted to 10 of them.
aka 10%
So using that as the benchmark, you relate back to what high standards are.
I think for most women it is less than 5%, and for many it is less than 1%.
What is surprising is that when men get into social situations where many good looking women are available to them, they discover that they, too, are only truly interested in a few percent. Men in our culture are so often raised to think of sex as something scarce that they tend towards 'would I?' rather than 'do I really want to'?
He has feelings for me actually but I think he was being objective as he possibly could with me though. He knows of what I told him. Most of the time I talked to these guys it was in high school and their concern was only sex. They didn't care too much for me. The other guys that liked me back on the other hand I was too shy to tell them how I felt. I was soooo self conscious about everything I did. It was because I was listening to everyone else's BS advice instead of my own.
Right now I am not interested in anyone. Most of the guys I have liked, it happened out of the blue. I have a general idea of what I want in a guy. The only thing that is missing is the mutual attraction, that is the MAIN thing I look for. I don't want to enter into a relationship just to get into one. As I stated before, being single doesn't bother me. It's the nagging feeling that I always will be is what is bugging me. I just decided to leave it alone and just live life. I'll figure out eventually.
No, you will not always be single . Almost everyone worries about that at your age, but the fears do not come true.
So, your friend's advice implies that you have been too picky in the past. Who, exactly, does he think you should have gone for that you didn't? Besides himself. Because the guys you describe don't sound to me like you were missing out on anything.
Sometimes when men say women are too picky, what they mean is, 'They should not be rejecting me.' And then they generalise it.
I think for most women it is less than 5%, and for many it is less than 1%.
What is surprising is that when men get into social situations where many good looking women are available to them, they discover that they, too, are only truly interested in a few percent. Men in our culture are so often raised to think of sex as something scarce that they tend towards 'would I?' rather than 'do I really want to'?
I would say I find around 2-4% of the girls I see regularly to be attractive enough to approach.
That's it. Is this someone with whom you never get tired? Are you considerate of each other? Do you burn up the sheets? There you go.
The problem is that people don't keep things simple. Instead, they have a list of requirements as long as their arms. Height, weight, cup size, degrees, salary, religious faith, etc. etc.
Yet every time you tack on something to your list of Must Haves, you eliminate another chunk of the available pool of candidates. And eliminating some good people in the process.
That's it. Is this someone with whom you never get tired? Are you considerate of each other? Do you burn up the sheets? There you go.
The problem is that people don't keep things simple. Instead, they have a list of requirements as long as their arms. Height, weight, cup size, degrees, salary, religious faith, etc. etc.
Yet every time you tack on something to your list of Must Haves, you eliminate another chunk of the available pool of candidates. And eliminating some good people in the process.
That's pretty much all that I really look at. You summed it up quite well.
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. Almost everyone worries about that at your age, but the fears do not come true.
