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Your wife is a control freak. Give in on the smoking and then she'll find the next thing she wants to fix. I have a suggestion. Start to nag her about some of her habits that annoy you.
OP, did you want advice here or a cheerleader section?
You have a couple choices.
1) Continue the status quo, and allow the tobacco habit to continue to be a a wedge and a toxin in your marriage.... at leats until your wife makes a choice to no longer continue the status quo.
2) File for divorce to end the marriage so you can freely enjoy your addiction and avoid the inconvenience of having to be sensitive to someone else's feelings, opinion, and well being.
3) Make a decision to work on cutting down your habit or finding a compromise somewhere. (Such as... seeking help to kick the habit, moving to e-cigs which won't make you smell like a chimney or force your wife to breath in toxins if you smoke around her, etc etc).
Honestly, I do not think it is unreasonable for your wife to expect you to NOT smoke around here. I am also suprised that you would even imply she should, as I would expect any loving husband to have a concern for his spouse's health and well being. There is not much worse you could do to her than to subject her to second hand smoke on a daily basis.
That is EXACTLY how I feel.. Why am I treated differently? Why am I made to feel ashamed to be a smoker? I've never smoked in our home, and never would, even if she WAS ok with that. I smoke in my vehicle (not hers), and obviously I never smoke in my vehicle while she is present with me.
Recently when we were out of town for 2 days, by day 2 my mood has really went down hill because it had been like 24 hours since I smoked. At one point during the day she proceeded to ask me " if I needed a break?" Pertaining to a smoke break.. Meaning she was gonna go occupy herself with something while I had 5 minutes to smoke.. This really just irritated the fire out of me because it made me feel like she was giving me permission to smoke... I simply ignored the question and continued the day in my ill mood.
You are acting like a resentful teenager rebelling against his mommy. This is preety tool-ish right here. Yikes.
Dude, all the pouting in the world will not change the fact that she's not crazy about the smoking. You want to smoke and she doesn't want you to. Either you deal with the conflict like a grown up or let the anger ruin the marriage. Don't come on here looking for the world to agree it's all your wife's fault for being super beeyotch. Some will, some won't. And big whoop! None of us live in your house anyway.
What are you going to do, tell her next time you argue with her that so-and-so on the internet agrees with you so you are right and she is wrong? Please.
Go fix your marriage. All you want is a bunch of cheerleaders to help give you the gumption to buck her wishes. Which, of course, will just make everything worse.
We'll see you after the divorce. LOL
Okay, that as a joke. I hope you don't divorce but you do need to get ahold of yourself and do something productive to reach an end to your conflict. This is some whiny caveman stuff right here. Lord.
Recently when we were out of town for 2 days, by day 2 my mood has really went down hill because it had been like 24 hours since I smoked. ... I simply ignored the question and continued the day in my ill mood.
You must be very pleased. You have allowed some big corporations to get you addicted to a product that will likely kill you if you keep using it, you allow them to control your moods, you allow them to damage what should be the most important relationship in your life.
Keep going in that direction and do exactly what you want: we can all see that it's working for you.
Your problem is that you posted this in the "Relationships" forum. Maybe one of the mods can move this thread to the "Tell me everything I say and do is right" forum.
Seeing that probably 95% of all our arguments fall within this subject I would say it is the real issue.
And yet - you don't want to fix it. Obviously, your smoking is more important to you than your marriage. And that's fine but don't act like you don't have the ability to make things better.
I don't smoke, but I went through the same thing with my ex-wife, except my problem was food. She did not like my eating habits at all (fast food, junk food, sugar drinks all the time) It put on a bunch of weight, which made me unattractive to her, caused all kinds of health problems, which made her worry if I would live for the long haul of our marriage, and it made me lazy, which ticked her off because we couldn't do much together. But like you, I thought, what's the big deal??? I am a good husband, I work hard, I don't cheat on her, I'm here when she needs me, I am a good man!! And she is fighting with me over Oreo cookies??? Really??? I became stubborn, and it also blinded me to the bigger issues we were having.
Not my place to tell you to quit smoking, but what you have to understand is each battle you choose to fight, may have a consequence, even if you win, when it comes to marriage. Just because you are a good husband, is going to keep her. There are good men just like you, who don't smoke, and if you guys keep fighting, she could make that choice AND you could also make the choice to find a good woman...who doesn't mind you smoking. This may seem small to you, but honestly it seems to be growing into a very large problem that is affecting other aspects of your relationship. I hope you guys can reach a true common ground on this, and get past it, before it gets to a point of no return
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by TNGuy19
Obviously I picked the wrong group of folks to post my concerns with, seeing as I'm being bashed by certain folks. Obviously, y'all don't know the whole story, cause I didn't tell the whole story.. I can't list every single detail of my life or my relationship. I just don't see how's it's fair that I'm singled out for my habit when her friends are not. I am a good person, good husband, good supporter of my family. I'm not a drunkard, I don't dictate my wife's life, I don't do drugs, I work hard, and take care of my family. My wife gets anything she needs and wants and she will be the first to tell you that. I guess I'm asking too much to be allowed my one little pleasure in life?
I don't care if my friends smoke. I care a lot if my SO smokes... they wouldn't be my SO. There is no inconsistency there. It is different type of relationship.
I don't care if my friends smoke. I care a lot if my SO smokes... they wouldn't be my SO. There is no inconsistency there. It is different type of relationship.
Oh, you do drugs, it is called tobacco.
Yeah - I've had friends that have smoked over the years - but I would never have a romantic relationship with a smoker.
LOL, OP. I am surprised you went on 8 yrs with her. Smoking or dipping (someone post a link on that here before I read this thread so I know what it is now and it is yucky) is big deal breaker for me.
Your solution is simple, e-cigs - it is the trend now and that doesn't smell so I don't think she would mind you doing it in front of her. I don't, because they don't smell.
Or try the patch when you are with her.
Obviously you are resenting your wife big time. I wonder when would it last? Your marriage.
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