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I have gotten to the point in the last year that I rarely ever let a guy pay for my meal anymore. It's just not worth it, and it doesn't matter what amount of money the bill is. Seems like some men think this is a flashing neon sign for "gold digger," even if the meal is low cost (e.g., less than 20 dollars). Seriously, 16 dollars for a meal is gold digging now. I can understand being put off if you go out with someone and they have 3 ten dollar cocktails, an appetizer, an entree, and dessert. That's abusive. But 16 dollars?!
I've even started offering to pay the guy back if he "sneaks" and covers my meal. I've been out on three dates with three different guys in the last couple of weeks. I paid for myself 2/3 times. Let's just say that 1 other time, I will never allow the guy to pay for me again after that. Why insist if you really don't want to do it? I don't get it.
Also, not to be all heteronormative....but what about women who date women: do you have this problem? Or is this just a plague of us foolish heteros?
I've never had this problem with male friends. In fact, one of my male friends is too generous in my opinion. A group of us, up to 7, will go out for lunch or dinner and drinks, and he'd pay for everyone every time. I also never have this problem with female friends. Sometimes we pay for our own meal, sometimes I pick up for her, sometimes she picks up for me.
There's never any awkwardness or ickiness about the bill with friends. But on dates? Endless.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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The day I think a woman is a gold digger just because I picked up a stupid dinner tab (or make any issue after picking up a tab) after asking her out is the day I quit dating. Absurd.
I have gotten to the point in the last year that I rarely ever let a guy pay for my meal anymore. It's just not worth it, and it doesn't matter what amount of money the bill is. Seems like some men think this is a flashing neon sign for "gold digger," even if the meal is low cost (e.g., less than 20 dollars). Seriously, 16 dollars for a meal is gold digging now. I can understand being put off if you go out with someone and they have 3 ten dollar cocktails, an appetizer, an entree, and dessert. That's abusive. But 16 dollars?!
I've even started offering to pay the guy back if he "sneaks" and covers my meal. I've been out on three dates with three different guys in the last couple of weeks. I paid for myself 2/3 times. Let's just say that 1 other time, I will never allow the guy to pay for me again after that. Why insist if you really don't want to do it? I don't get it.
Also, not to be all heteronormative....but what about women who date women: do you have this problem? Or is this just a plague of us foolish heteros?
I've never had this problem with male friends. In fact, one of my male friends is too generous in my opinion. A group of us, up to 7, will go out for lunch or dinner and drinks, and he'd pay for everyone every time. I also never have this problem with female friends. Sometimes we pay for our own meal, sometimes I pick up for her, sometimes she picks up for me.
There's never any awkwardness or ickiness about the bill with friends. But on dates? Endless.
Isn't the modern woman independent and doesn't need a man? Isn't that what feminist preach? So I don't see the big problem about going dutch on the first couple of dates until you get serious.
I assume that I will pay my half. In a few years, I'll be making 6 figures. I'm not looking for a guy to take care of me financially. I want someone who will take care of me in other ways.
A lot of guys insist on paying - whatever, I'm not gonna argue and I'm going to opt for gracious. If it turns into a real relationship, things will even out.
Sure it's an awkward moment, but if you can't negotiate around something so minor, there's not much point in pursuing things.
The one time I let a guy pay for me with no quibble was when a guy I was seeing was in a serious depression due to financial and health issues - we were going to very cheap restaurants, and I let him pick up the tab each time because I figured it would make him feel less powerless with all the awful stuff that was going on in his life. He was someone who normally liked to take care of other people, so I let him run with it. Still not sure whether that was the correct approach, but I was flying blind with that dude.
With friends it's totally different. My one best friend insisted on paying for EVERYTHING due to the fact that I and our other best friend were financially struggling. Well, now she's going through some financial struggles, and I pay for things as much as I can. Also, I'm a nondrinker, while many of my friends back in my hometown drink pretty heavily - they often insist on picking up my tab since I'm the sober one who will drive them home if they can't and because my bill is so much smaller than theirs.
But on a date, I never go in expecting a guy to pay. If me offering to pay sends the message that I'm a ballbuster or that I'm not interested, then they weren't the guy for me.
Guys have no problem paying for a date, however guys do have a problem when the woman has an expectation that the guy is going to pay for everything. Also, gold digger is not a good term because most of us are not rich enough to have a gold digger. A much better term would be self entitled.
The girl that I've been going out with has been offering to pay and it has been awesome. Yesterday we got ice cream, she bought it for me and then later we went 50/50 on the tab for our beer. Never once did it cross my mind that she's not interested in me, mainly because she shows she is interested in plenty of other ways.
Guys have no problem paying for a date, however guys do have a problem when the woman has an expectation that the guy is going to pay for everything. Also, gold digger is not a good term because most of us are not rich enough to have a gold digger. A much better term would be self entitled.
The girl that I've been going out with has been offering to pay and it has been awesome. Yesterday we got ice cream, she bought it for me and then later we went 50/50 on the tab for our beer. Never once did it cross my mind that she's not interested in me, mainly because she shows she is interested in plenty of other ways.
What? No Movie Tickets yet? And you're still with this one.........hahahaha.....
As far as paying for a date goes, why not let him pay then the next date you ask him out and tell him it is your treat.
That way there is an actual date not two people having supper together in the same restaurant sitting at the same table which is in my opinion not very personal.
I'm not sure when dating became so complicated but I am sure I have been married for a long time to a good man who was in the negative numbers broke when I met him and decided to keep him in my life.
I have gotten to the point in the last year that I rarely ever let a guy pay for my meal anymore. It's just not worth it, and it doesn't matter what amount of money the bill is. Seems like some men think this is a flashing neon sign for "gold digger," even if the meal is low cost (e.g., less than 20 dollars). Seriously, 16 dollars for a meal is gold digging now. I can understand being put off if you go out with someone and they have 3 ten dollar cocktails, an appetizer, an entree, and dessert. That's abusive. But 16 dollars?!
I've even started offering to pay the guy back if he "sneaks" and covers my meal. I've been out on three dates with three different guys in the last couple of weeks. I paid for myself 2/3 times. Let's just say that 1 other time, I will never allow the guy to pay for me again after that. Why insist if you really don't want to do it? I don't get it.
Also, not to be all heteronormative....but what about women who date women: do you have this problem? Or is this just a plague of us foolish heteros?
I've never had this problem with male friends. In fact, one of my male friends is too generous in my opinion. A group of us, up to 7, will go out for lunch or dinner and drinks, and he'd pay for everyone every time. I also never have this problem with female friends. Sometimes we pay for our own meal, sometimes I pick up for her, sometimes she picks up for me.
There's never any awkwardness or ickiness about the bill with friends. But on dates? Endless.
I pretty much always offer to contribute to the bill, especially since I know it's unlikely I'll be having sex with them after the date. I don't think they really care though. They'd rather pay for the date and get sex (or get sex without having to take someone out).
What? No Movie Tickets yet? And you're still with this one.........hahahaha.....
As far as paying for a date goes, why not let him pay then the next date you ask him out and tell him it is your treat.
That way there is an actual date not two people having supper together in the same restaurant sitting at the same table which is in my opinion not very personal.
I'm not sure when dating became so complicated but I am sure I have been married for a long time to a good man who was in the negative numbers broke when I met him and decided to keep him in my life.
hahahaha, I would pay for the movie tickets for this girl without batting an eye. She already does enough :P
I like this advice though, it works out well. Most guys don't mind covering the date whatsoever, but at the same time if we pay for a date we want it to at least go appreciated. Following what CSD said here would make almost any guy near ecstatic. Doesn't have to be expensive or anything like that, but it does show appreciation.
I pretty much always offer to contribute to the bill, especially since I know it's unlikely I'll be having sex with them after the date. I don't think they really care though. They'd rather pay for the date and get sex (or get sex without having to take someone out).
It's not really about sex honestly. I think you women worry about sex more than guys sometimes.
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