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IRL, poly people tend to be extremely, extremely cautious and well-informed about STI prevention. The behaviour of monogamous single people seems extremely risky when you are used to poly standards!
This has been my experience as well. It has also been my experience that STI's are the go-to argument for those who are against the concept itself. It's the first thing I often hear about from people who condemn my lifestyle.
Good point. Also of note is that it could possibly skew the results.
Some men I know are only in monogamous relationships because it's their most consistent outlet for sex. If they were capable of sleeping with multiple women, they would. They take a bunch of s**t in the relationship because the alternative for them is celibacy. (side note: I know some women that do the same thing, take a bunch of s**t from guys because the alternative is "being alone". But since the article was addressing poly/monogamy, I'm sticking with the first observation).
Sorry to break it to you, but a lot of those women are only in it for the sex, too .
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The result (putting on my theory hat here) is that you'll see more guys in monogamous relationships saying they're "open to nonmonogamy" than average because some of those guys may not have wanted true monogamy to begin with.
Yes... sort of. The real-life sit, seen consistently in poly communities, is that men tend to be more motivated to try poly, but men also are far more likely to decide, after trying it, that they don't like poly and want to return to monogamy.
Men in our culture are strongly socialised to think that they want multiple female partners but cannot have them. When they can have them, they are often surprised to find they don't want them. I have counseled many men who experience this as a shock, one that throws them into deep questioning of who they really are, what it means to be a man, stuff like that.
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Just an idea, one of probably a bunch. I would agree that more people would be open to nonmonogamy than the number that currently practices it. It has a taboo vibe to it that's frowned upon by many.
Yes. Like being, gay, bi, trans, etc. -- all of these are probably much more common than we think, due to stigma and closeting.
Forming outside romantic relationships is ok but they must always be less important? lol. Seriously? That's f'ed up.
Of course, the key is that your outside partner also has a primary relationship, just not with you, or they do not want one. For example, you are married and you date another married, poly person who loves their spouse very much, and you see each other once a month. Or a PhD student who is married to their thesis project .
This is actually one of the most popular and stable forms of poly, often involving decades-long committed partnerships all around.
I did a kind of open relationship with one of my exes a few years after we broke up, while we were figuring out if we should get back together. I was free to sleep with other people, but I chose not to. He had a string of women he was banging. It was kind of funny because we all knew about each other (and had met) and didn't find each other threatening, and we would sometimes gang up on him. "Yeah? Well, ask Cindy and Ellen if they agree with me next time you see them." (They inevitably did.)
Neither he nor I were meant to be poly though - we both like uncomplicated. But ultimately we both agreed we should find that "uncomplicated" with other people.
And that's really the issue for me. I'm not big on jealousy, and I'm careful about STD testing and safe sex. I also don't have any moral objections to honestly practiced poly or open relationships. But I like simplicity in my romances. Life is already complicated, and I really don't see why you would need to make it more complicated by bringing extra people into your romantic life.
And I guess I don't understand people who feel they need "variety" in the bedroom beyond what two people can generate between them. I mean, is it just lack of imagination? With the entire spectrum of positions and their variations available and the wide variety of available toys and porn, they need MORE stimulation in the form of another person to feel sexually fulfilled? It's just weird to me. When it comes to romantic partners, I tend to avoid men who self-identify as poly, just because it seems like they have a fundamentally different point of view than I do on sex. For myself, with all my hobbies, my job, my household maintenance responsibilities and my wide circle of friends, it's hard enough finding ONE guy I want to have sex with and carving out a space in my life for him. Why would I want to go through the bother of finding ANOTHER "spare" partner and making time for him too, when I could just be screwing the first one until he can't remember where he put his pants?
It is a lot of work. One of the better-known poly bloggers says, 'For poly to work, relationships have to be your hobby'.
<shrug> Personally, I do not understand people who have model trainsets for their hobby . Many hobbies are incomprehensible to people not into them.
I don't understand the need for sexual variety, either. Now I am trying to think of how to put into words why I have found poly to be the right thing for me, at some times in my life, but I really don't know. Something to do with physical closeness, I think...
What about folks here? How would you answer these questions?
1,280 is not a representative population and is subject to population bias. My critique of studies such as this one coming from the social sciences is that it is pseudo-science.
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