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What would I do??? I would run as fast as I could from this guy. You are just opening up a can-o-worms to stick around someone with these kinds of problems!
I very recently started dating a woman. Physically she is totally my type. I like her personality. We also have a lot of things in common. She seems to have a good heart, and seems like a good person.
However, she has quite the bit of baggage. She recently just got out of a 3 year relationship. She also has untreated depression. Not to mention she's got financial issues that add to her depression and baggage.
Her behavior can be very erratic. When she's up, she spontaneous and fun and it's great, when she's down things get awkward. At times I feel like I'm being a little cold, but I just don't want to invest myself too much, considering the risks.
All this stuff is ringing up warning bells in my head. A part of me wants to run away, but part of me wants to give her a chance. I'm torn because I like her and I want to help her, but I also don't want to expose myself and end up hurt, or just end up being used as some kinda rebound shoulder to cry on guy.
Any advice?
Go with your gut. Imagine eventually marrying this woman. Traits that were slightly annoying when you're first dating will undoubtedly magnify 1000 times while you're married to the person. If she's got these problems now, and you are annoyed by them or don't feel comfortable with them, break it off and move on. Plenty of alternatives who no doubt are better suited. Why settle?
If I were feeling the way you do, I'd move on, feeling fortunate that I dodged the bullet.
I very recently started dating a woman. Physically she is totally my type. I like her personality. We also have a lot of things in common. She seems to have a good heart, and seems like a good person.
However, she has quite the bit of baggage. She recently just got out of a 3 year relationship. She also has untreated depression. Not to mention she's got financial issues that add to her depression and baggage.
Her behavior can be very erratic. When she's up, she spontaneous and fun and it's great, when she's down things get awkward. At times I feel like I'm being a little cold, but I just don't want to invest myself too much, considering the risks.
All this stuff is ringing up warning bells in my head. A part of me wants to run away, but part of me wants to give her a chance. I'm torn because I like her and I want to help her, but I also don't want to expose myself and end up hurt, or just end up being used as some kinda rebound shoulder to cry on guy.
Any advice?
I have an idea...why don't you discuss your thoughts with her...openly and honestly...and even if at this point your just friends, not physically intimate, it seems that your mentally intimate, b/c you stress the fact that you want to help, so you can, without getting invested and to boot, you might learn something along the way.
Your not dating anyone else now...and you seem to care...therefore, why don't you get her into counseling...go with her...take that step and communicate and take action....it may prove very knowledgeable, not to mention, help you make a clearer decission, and even if the relationship doesn't flower down the road, at least you can then walk away knowing, that you tried...and you'll know at the time, when and how....
If it were me, that is what I'd do, and if he refused to go, then, I'd leave.
Everybody has some type of baggage to deal with.
You just recently started going out with her so you need to get to know her a little better before giving up.
She may or may not be able to handle another relationship right now (depending on why she got out of the other relationship)
I would take it slow, maybe put a time limit on it, like 3 months and go from there.
have been dating a woman off and on for two years. This woman had a horrible second marriage. Her husband who she loved very much became addicted to drugs and hired prostitutes etc. She knows Im the nicest guy in the world and recently said she cannot see her being with anyone else the rest of her life. (iM 54 AND SHE IS 49) She is also my best friend and we talk for hours every day and have a great time when we go out. She is also trying to rebuild her older teen aged kids relationship since her husband tore their lives apart too. However, here is the issue, when we go to step up to intimacy she gets freaked out and runs away, and then we start all over again. She says she cannot have a sexual relationship at this point cause it will distract from her relationship with the kids, although sometimes I think she may have been sexually abused by her exhusband. I love her more than anything in the world, but at some point I guess I will just have to give up and walk away. I'm not sure what to do. Help! Note, we have broken up for months at a time but then always end up back together, we get a little further each time in our love but its at a snails pace.
Ask yourself, if this weren't true, would you still be with her?
Most men will put up with almost anything if a woman is "hot." Most men will compromise on anything else if a woman appeals to them physically. They pretend there's more to it than that, but often there isn't. And in then end, it is never worth it.
I have an idea...why don't you discuss your thoughts with her...openly and honestly...and even if at this point your just friends, not physically intimate, it seems that your mentally intimate, b/c you stress the fact that you want to help, so you can, without getting invested and to boot, you might learn something along the way.
Your not dating anyone else now...and you seem to care...therefore, why don't you get her into counseling...go with her...take that step and communicate and take action....it may prove very knowledgeable, not to mention, help you make a clearer decission, and even if the relationship doesn't flower down the road, at least you can then walk away knowing, that you tried...and you'll know at the time, when and how....
If it were me, that is what I'd do, and if he refused to go, then, I'd leave.
Just my thoughts?
Good Luck
Creme
You are the ear of reason, not the man of her dreams. You give her what she wants in reason, but you aren't want she wants romantically. She's using you emotionally, but it's ready to sustain a loving relationship. I don't blame her, because she's been through a lot. This is where you decide if you want to continue supporting her and getting more emotionally involved; even though, your feelings aren't getting reciprocated.
She's not ready to give you what you want, so this is a good time to reel back on how much time you make available to her.
"White Knight Syndrome", and she wont be appreciative. And you may find yourself not attracted to her when she gets her life in order, and you will find another "damsel in distress". Do you have low self esteem and think only a woman with a life in crisis will date you?
OP, No one is perfect, but everyone IS seeking the perfect partner.
The truth is, everyone has flaws, and everyone is crazy in their own way.
Can you handle this woman and her flaws ?
If things are good, and she accepts your flaws, then you have to make a decision.
More than likely, someone eventually will accept her flaws. The question is, can it be you?
If shes refusing to seek treatment for her depression I wouldn't invest any time into the relationship. If she was on medication and seeing a therapist, I would reconsider.
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