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I totally agree with your last underlined sentence from your last paragraph. It's making it too easy on him. She is telling him he can have her whenever he wants her. This gives her absolutely no leverage or control. But she's doing that to herself.
Her sister is not helping. Not sure why her sister keeps giving him the contact info. If any of my exes ever reached out to my sisters, they would not give out my contact information. Instead, they would get the guy's contact info, tell him that they would let me know he reached out, and tell him that if I wanted to contact him, that was up to me. Of course, depending on which ex it is, they may even have a few choice words for him!
OP should tell her sister not to give out her contact info. If OP wants to go total non-contact, she should tell her sister not to even mention this fellow at all the next time he contacts the sister, and ask her sister to stop taking his calls and emails, too.
That's one more reason I have a hunch he's a sociopath, actually. Not only is he tenacious, he's using the sister, too, while giving no thought to the possibility that he may be inconveniencing, bothering, or pestering the sister. It's like he wants what he wants, and he doesn't care what he as to do to get it or who he bothers along the way, but then when he gets it--the knowledge that the OP still cares about him--he's won his prize and then disappears for a bit.
Answer the following on a piece of paper, then look at your answers and be the judge:
1- why did he break up with you first time around?
2- Is he the only one busy with school and having a relationship?
3- Does he want to have a serious relationship with you now?
4- Do you want a relationship? or a f-body?
5- are you going to let him string you along longer than he already has?
I agree with this 100%
The good news is that op still loves the ex. The bad news is that we don't know why he wanted to break up and we don't know why he wants to come back.
To me, breaking up almost always means broken trust and commitment. We all make mistakes, but breaking up means that the other person doesn't even give you an opportunity to work things out. Breaking up is the ultimate "F you." is it not?
Unless you can get above questions answered and come to term with it, I think you should take things slow.
He is only using you. Don't allow yourself to be used and played like that. If you try hard enough, you really can get over this guy and move on with your life. Stop wasting time with this guy and find you somebody else.
Her sister is not helping. Not sure why her sister keeps giving him the contact info. If any of my exes ever reached out to my sisters, they would not give out my contact information. Instead, they would get the guy's contact info, tell him that they would let me know he reached out, and tell him that if I wanted to contact him, that was up to me. Of course, depending on which ex it is, they may even have a few choice words for him!
OP should tell her sister not to give out her contact info. If OP wants to go total non-contact, she should tell her sister not to even mention this fellow at all the next time he contacts the sister, and ask her sister to stop taking his calls and emails, too.
That's one more reason I have a hunch he's a sociopath, actually. Not only is he tenacious, he's using the sister, too, while giving no thought to the possibility that he may be inconveniencing, bothering, or pestering the sister. It's like he wants what he wants, and he doesn't care what he as to do to get it or who he bothers along the way, but then when he gets it--the knowledge that the OP still cares about him--he's won his prize and then disappears for a bit.
It's really a nasty cycle.
I don't know if I would call him a sociopath. That might be a bit harsh. Narcissistic absolutely, if once again he is doing it without any regard to her feelings. Sometimes actions can be construed many ways.
For instance, him contacting her sister. I don't see that as a devious/ selfish act he might be gauging whether or not she even would take her call by her sisters reaction. I honestly never read that part for some reason. However, I don't think that reaching out to someone's sister would be all that easy either. You are making yourself very vulnerable. Her sisters going to tell her, so it's the same as reaching out to her. Ok, I agree the sister is being put into a situation where she should have done what you said, but she didn't. If that was his intention because he knew that he could get that info. from her, then yeah, he's a manipulative *******. But again, it could just be a desperate act. I've seen and heard much worse.
In any regard, I kind of agree. This whole situation seems like a nasty cycle or the start of one. Let's hope for the op's case it isn't. Good luck op. I wish you well.
If anyone else quotes me, I apologize in advance if I don't respond. I am on my way out, but won't be gone forever. I will be back. Take that as a warning! LOL
Last edited by supermanpansy; 05-06-2014 at 12:13 PM..
He isnt thinking about you.
If he was he would have left you alone with the understanding you had not gotten over him. understanding purely plutonic friendship cannot exsist in this scenario isn't difficult when you have taken others in to consideration.
Woah. Thank you all for your input. I honestly didn't think this many people would reach out. I really do appreciate everyone's thoughts.
I am at a point where I know I cannot be treated this way any longer. 8 yrs is far to long to be continuously disrespected. Friendship or otherwise. This has been the hardest year of my life. I took months off from work, fell into a deep scary depression something I am still dealing with.
I do agree with one poster (not sure who) that said I am letting him do this & treat me like this. I have made it perfectly clear to him how I feel about him & stated I cannot just be friends. He still reaches out to me.. For the last week I have continuously blown him off and ignored him, even though it is extremely difficult for me to do. I also understand actions speak louder than words and he is continuously shown me no respect whatsoever and that I am clearly not on the list of importance. Only when it's convenient for him is when he decides to text me or to meet up with me. He acts like he's sooo busy yet saw someone else for 4 months right after he broke up with me.
What really hurts the most is that he tried so hard for months and months to get in touch with me , only to just completely ignore me again and confuse me emotionally and basically break my heart all over again. When we first began speaking he basically said he was doing all of these things like going to school etc. for us and that he was afraid that he was too late to save our relationship. I cannot blame him 100 percent for what he's doing because I opened up to him again and thought that there was still something there between us because he made it seem that way to me. Only to be told he's not sure what he wants but wants to be close friends & never wants to hurt me again. Too late. I've never been so hurt in my life.
I know people may think I'm crazy for not moving on yet. It's really hard. I'm trying. I told him how I felt & that's all I can do.
He cannot be both the person who broke your heart and the person who helps mend it back together. He needs to get the heck out of your way while you get over him. Maybe later, once both of you have moved on to other relationships, you can consider some kind of friendship. Or maybe not.
Woah. Thank you all for your input. I honestly didn't think this many people would reach out. I really do appreciate everyone's thoughts.
I am at a point where I know I cannot be treated this way any longer. 8 yrs is far to long to be continuously disrespected. Friendship or otherwise. This has been the hardest year of my life. I took months off from work, fell into a deep scary depression something I am still dealing with.
I do agree with one poster (not sure who) that said I am letting him do this & treat me like this. I have made it perfectly clear to him how I feel about him & stated I cannot just be friends. He still reaches out to me.. For the last week I have continuously blown him off and ignored him, even though it is extremely difficult for me to do. I also understand actions speak louder than words and he is continuously shown me no respect whatsoever and that I am clearly not on the list of importance. Only when it's convenient for him is when he decides to text me or to meet up with me. He acts like he's sooo busy yet saw someone else for 4 months right after he broke up with me.
What really hurts the most is that he tried so hard for months and months to get in touch with me , only to just completely ignore me again and confuse me emotionally and basically break my heart all over again. When we first began speaking he basically said he was doing all of these things like going to school etc. for us and that he was afraid that he was too late to save our relationship. I cannot blame him 100 percent for what he's doing because I opened up to him again and thought that there was still something there between us because he made it seem that way to me. Only to be told he's not sure what he wants but wants to be close friends & never wants to hurt me again. Too late. I've never been so hurt in my life.
I know people may think I'm crazy for not moving on yet. It's really hard. I'm trying. I told him how I felt & that's all I can do.
He saw someone else 4 months after breaking up with you? Where is she in this picture now? He broke your heart, and risked losing you forever by breaking up with you.. to be with someone else! Now that she is not with him anymore he wants you back?
If you have enough self esteem (which sound like you do), you realize he doesn't deserve you. and MOVE ON. You deserve better.
I'm sorry you had a horrible one year. Iv been there and I know how it is. But you have come a long way from depression. If he breaks your heart one more time, you are the one at fault.. not him!
He saw someone else 4 months after breaking up with you? Where is she in this picture now? He broke your heart, and risked losing you forever by breaking up with you.. to be with someone else! Now that she is not with him anymore he wants you back?
If you have enough self esteem (which sound like you do), you realize he doesn't deserve you. and MOVE ON. You deserve better.
I'm sorry you had a horrible one year. Iv been there and I know how it is. But you have come a long way from depression. If he breaks your heart one more time, you are the one at fault.. not him!
No, she didn't say four months. She said for four months. Earlier in the thread, might have been the OP, she said he went immediately to the other person. It sounds like the OP's relationship ended, her ex entered a rebound relationship, and that ended a few months later, as probably 90% of them do.
No, she didn't say four months. She said for four months. Earlier in the thread, might have been the OP, she said he went immediately to the other person. It sounds like the OP's relationship ended, her ex entered a rebound relationship, and that ended a few months later, as probably 90% of them do.
Yes. It happened so quickly I thought he left me for her. I still do, though he has denied this numerous times. He told me it wasn't official/ no title & it just "fizzled out". Whatever that means..
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