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Do you message guys? Or at least give the crickets a chance? The blacker the bug the bigger the chirp
Oh, I did. I mentioned that already in a previous post. I used to try to message at least 5 a week (average... sometimes more sometimes less). Most don't answer and the few who did--I never actually met any of them. Some who answered said not interested but those who did either stopped messaging or never wanted to stop messaging (pen pals I call them--couldn't get them to actually meet me in person). Or in a few cases I found out they were just looking for a one-time hookup, were crazier than a bag of cats, etc, etc... basically like the men who contacted me.
Like I said, I will accept that I could be a weird case. I think I fall into this range of being too old for men my age and too young for men who are older (and I am not into younger men myself... not a cougar). And I tend to have much better luck (quality-wise) offline. It's just something about me online that equals horrible luck. Like I said, first it's guys who just want a hook up... then married guys, then crazies, then jerks (you can lump the ones who are afraid to ever meet somewhere near crazies). I met just a handful of nice men... first dates, nothing more (no chemistry or when we met we realized it wouldn't work out--too different, vastly different lifestyles, he was being moved overseas by his job...) In the end, I must have spent (just on online subscriptions) about $500. Not a lot, but too much for 0% success. Offline, I met nice men and I don't have to pay to meet them.
Are you talking about the messages from crickets? Because that's what I get
Pretty much, only the most beautiful women online get inundated like that. The overly cited OKCupid article that so many men here quote to prove points also shows that most men only contact the women they see as the top women.
The wording is misleading. The "2/3 of men message the top 1/3 of women" leaves out two vital points.
1) The top 1/3 is still a WHOLE LOT OF WOMEN. By comparison, a different link on that site (which I love, btw) indicates that men who make 50k or less fall in the bottom 10% of recipients. Or, put another way: If you assume that men who make 50k or more fall in the top 1/3 (I'm sure it's not exact but close enough for the analogy), then the top 1/3 of male earners get 90% of messages, vs. the top 1/3 of attractiveness in women get 67% of the messages from men)
2) Even being in the "bottom 2/3" is still an overwhelming majority compared to men's inboxes. The overall stats on one of the other links from OKC's blog indicates that women get between 8-9 new contacts/month. For men, it's so low (<1 per month)that they actually measure it in "5-6 responses per 10 contacts". Meaning, as a guy, you won't hear from women at all (on average), but for every 10 you contact, the chances you even hear back are just over half. (which, admittedly, is higher than I suspected).
Yeah. They struggle sifting through all those messages.
Sure I got a lot of messages but 90% were things like this:
"how ru?
"wanna meet for sex?"
"How dare you hate dads. I want you and will get you"
"I'm reporting you for discriminating against me"
"I'm in the military, send me money"
"I know I'm out of your range and I have kids but date me"
"You didn't get back to me when I contacted you 4 minutes ago, I hope you're not mad at me"
"We haven't met but I'm in love with you"
"Wanna meet at a forest preserve?"
"You're ugly"
"Here's a photo of my junk"
"Wanna text?"
"Let's go out and you can pay for the date because all women want me"
"I was born a woman, is this okay?"
"I'm married, wanna meet for sex?
"I'm married but me and my wife are swingers"
"I'm not a dad because I never support my kids and never she them"
"I'm 70 but am a young 70 and like women your age"
"I just got out of a mental hospital"
"I'm 50 and am a dishwasher at a fast food restaurant"
Oh, I did. I mentioned that already in a previous post. I used to try to message at least 5 a week (average... sometimes more sometimes less). Most don't answer and the few who did--I never actually met any of them. Some who answered said not interested but those who did either stopped messaging or never wanted to stop messaging (pen pals I call them--couldn't get them to actually meet me in person). Or in a few cases I found out they were just looking for a one-time hookup, were crazier than a bag of cats, etc, etc... basically like the men who contacted me.
Like I said, I will accept that I could be a weird case. I think I fall into this range of being too old for men my age and too young for men who are older (and I am not into younger men myself... not a cougar). And I tend to have much better luck (quality-wise) offline. It's just something about me online that equals horrible luck. Like I said, first it's guys who just want a hook up... then married guys, then crazies, then jerks (you can lump the ones who are afraid to ever meet somewhere near crazies). I met just a handful of nice men... first dates, nothing more (no chemistry or when we met we realized it wouldn't work out--too different, vastly different lifestyles, he was being moved overseas by his job...) In the end, I must have spent (just on online subscriptions) about $500. Not a lot, but too much for 0% success. Offline, I met nice men and I don't have to pay to meet them.
Many people don't get what you mentioned, which is chemistry. I met several guys on sites and when we met we struggled to get together. While the men I met were nice it was going nowhere. This was after screening out many messages from freaks and guys I knew wouldn't connect with.
Sure I got a lot of messages but 90% were things like this:
"how ru?
"wanna meet for sex?"
"How dare you hate dads. I want you and will get you"
"I'm reporting you for discriminating against me"
"I'm in the military, send me money"
"I know I'm out of your range and I have kids but date me"
"You didn't get back to me when I contacted you 4 minutes ago, I hope you're not mad at me"
"We haven't met but I'm in love with you"
"Wanna meet at a forest preserve?"
"You're ugly"
"Here's a photo of my junk"
"Wanna text?"
"Let's go out and you can pay for the date because all women want me"
"I was born a woman, is this okay?"
"I'm married, wanna meet for sex?
"I'm married but me and my wife are swingers"
"I'm not a dad because I never support my kids and never she them"
"I'm 70 but am a young 70 and like women your age"
"I just got out of a mental hospital"
"I'm 50 and am a dishwasher at a fast food restaurant"
And so many more like these.
I believe you completely. I wasnt kidding. I never said what kinds of messages tho but id rather get alot than none.
Many people don't get what you mentioned, which is chemistry. I met several guys on sites and when we met we struggled to get together. While the men I met were nice it was going nowhere. This was after screening out many messages from freaks and guys I knew wouldn't connect with.
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
Maybe chemistry is why I have better luck offline. I mean, I meet someone and he meets me and we click... then we go out and learn about each other. Online, it's like the other way around. You learn about each other and then go out to see if you click. Sifting though the jerks and crazies and spending time going out with men who don't click with me or me with them... it's very time consuming. Online dating is supposed to save time, but I just didn't see it. For me, it was more of a waste of time. That's not to say (again) that it's not a great tool for some people, just for me, it wasn't.
Aaand the truth comes out, as usual. "Chemistry." It should be magical, like a Disney princess movie!
It is magical. It's unpredictable and undefinable. You can't fake it and you can't make it happen. That's the whole problem summed up in one little word.
Aaand the truth comes out, as usual. "Chemistry." It should be magical, like a Disney princess movie!
I call it tingles, =).
"Chemistry" is a fantasy concept, which fits perfectly as part of the world of those who believe in it. DO you know for example, that 70% of women admitted to punishing their partner, based on what they saw in their dreams. Put me in front of any woman walking this earth, and within few minutes I can make her believe we have great chemistry or that we have no chemistry at all. Im not alone either, its pretty effortless.
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It should be magical, like a Disney princess movie!
