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I am a 54 year old man who has been involved with a 45 year old woman for almost two years. We initially started out as friends and eventually got romantically involved and now have lived together for a year. When I met her I noticed she was "different" than any woman I have ever been involved with. In the beginning I thought some of her wierdness/quirkiness was cute, but it is quickly becoming plain wierd and annoying. BUT...I am thinking maybe I just had it made with my ex-wife and I expect too much,so I am looking for opinions/advice. I hate to turn to the internet, but I see some good advice here.
This woman is what I consider a "control freak" but I could be wrong. Maybe it is just my imagination. When we go to the grocery store, I will put something in the cart and she will take it back out and say I don't need it because it's not healthy. Keep in mind I am a not overweight and healthy. She tells me she is just looking out for me. She is critical of what I order at a resturant and is always trying to get me to eat stuff I don't like. Tells me I need to eat better. When we watch TV it is always what she wants to watch. She decides what we watch on TV, when/what we eat, when we have sex, tires to tell me what to wear and even goes as far as to buy me clothes she likes and discourages me from wearing what I like. We go to bed when she says and get up when she says. She picks vacations, movies etc etc. She basically controls everything we do, but I am in charge of finances for our household, even though she makes considerably more than I do. My friends say I should not question the relationship because she is good looking, smart and makes good money. My opinion is starting to be that there is no benefit to me to be in this relationship as I get basically nothing out of it. She gets a guy who loves her and does anything (basically) she asks, and I get nothing but told what to do. I can't veen say I get great sex because I don't.
I can handle most of this but the sex thing is really getting on my nerves. If I initiate sex, there is always an excuse such as, not now my show is on, it's too early, it's too late, etc etc. Sex NEVER happens when I want. BUT...when she wants sex it doesn't matter what time of day or night and it is on. Of course, like everything else, sex is her way and nothing else. No oral sex either way....don't touch my boobs, don't touch the kitty, don't look at me naked, don't this, don't that. She has a killer body and it is like pulling nails to look at it in the daylight. I sleep naked and she sleeps with pajamas on and only gets naked long enough for sex and immediately gets dressed. Cuddling up is not in her vocabulary and she has suggested several times we start sleeping in seperate beds. I told her I find this extremely odd behavior, but she thinks it's not. She says we would "sleep better" alone. The sex is great when we have it (she is the first one to say this) and I find myself getting excited over something as simple as just getting her to let me hold her after sex for a couple minutes before she jumps up and runs to get dressed. It is driving me crazy! I have never met a woman who didn't like to curl up after sex, be touched in bed at night, and hated oral sex.
Am I expecting too much for this woman? Should I run now and find someone who doesn't always have to be in control of everything? Should I give up on performing oral sex and just be satisfied with what she is willing to give? I have never met anyone like her. When I tell her she is a control freak she says she is not, that she has just had to make all the decisions in her house for years because of being a single mother and raising children alone. I kind kind of understand some aspects of this, but it doesn't explain the don't look at me naked, don't touch my boobs etc part of the crazy sex stuff.
Find your own place to live or ask her to move out of your place
Find a new girlfriend who is more compatable with you who does not want to treat you like a child
I am a 54 year old man who has been involved with a 45 year old woman for almost two years. We initially started out as friends and eventually got romantically involved and now have lived together for a year. When I met her I noticed she was "different" than any woman I have ever been involved with. In the beginning I thought some of her wierdness/quirkiness was cute, but it is quickly becoming plain wierd and annoying. BUT...I am thinking maybe I just had it made with my ex-wife and I expect too much,so I am looking for opinions/advice. I hate to turn to the internet, but I see some good advice here.
This woman is what I consider a "control freak" but I could be wrong. Maybe it is just my imagination. When we go to the grocery store, I will put something in the cart and she will take it back out and say I don't need it because it's not healthy. Keep in mind I am a not overweight and healthy. She tells me she is just looking out for me. She is critical of what I order at a resturant and is always trying to get me to eat stuff I don't like. Tells me I need to eat better. When we watch TV it is always what she wants to watch. She decides what we watch on TV, when/what we eat, when we have sex, tires to tell me what to wear and even goes as far as to buy me clothes she likes and discourages me from wearing what I like. We go to bed when she says and get up when she says. She picks vacations, movies etc etc. She basically controls everything we do, but I am in charge of finances for our household, even though she makes considerably more than I do. My friends say I should not question the relationship because she is good looking, smart and makes good money. My opinion is starting to be that there is no benefit to me to be in this relationship as I get basically nothing out of it. She gets a guy who loves her and does anything (basically) she asks, and I get nothing but told what to do. I can't veen say I get great sex because I don't.
I can handle most of this but the sex thing is really getting on my nerves. If I initiate sex, there is always an excuse such as, not now my show is on, it's too early, it's too late, etc etc. Sex NEVER happens when I want. BUT...when she wants sex it doesn't matter what time of day or night and it is on. Of course, like everything else, sex is her way and nothing else. No oral sex either way....don't touch my boobs, don't touch the kitty, don't look at me naked, don't this, don't that. She has a killer body and it is like pulling nails to look at it in the daylight. I sleep naked and she sleeps with pajamas on and only gets naked long enough for sex and immediately gets dressed. Cuddling up is not in her vocabulary and she has suggested several times we start sleeping in seperate beds. I told her I find this extremely odd behavior, but she thinks it's not. She says we would "sleep better" alone. The sex is great when we have it (she is the first one to say this) and I find myself getting excited over something as simple as just getting her to let me hold her after sex for a couple minutes before she jumps up and runs to get dressed. It is driving me crazy! I have never met a woman who didn't like to curl up after sex, be touched in bed at night, and hated oral sex.
Am I expecting too much for this woman? Should I run now and find someone who doesn't always have to be in control of everything? Should I give up on performing oral sex and just be satisfied with what she is willing to give? I have never met anyone like her. When I tell her she is a control freak she says she is not, that she has just had to make all the decisions in her house for years because of being a single mother and raising children alone. I kind kind of understand some aspects of this, but it doesn't explain the don't look at me naked, don't touch my boobs etc part of the crazy sex stuff.
Ideas/advice?
I'm thinking this can't be a real post. First you said you don't have great sex but then you say the sex is great.
And I don't know why you'd stay with someone like this for 2 years, let alone even move in with them.
Find your own place to live or ask her to move out of your place
Find a new girlfriend who is more compatable with you who does not want to treat you like a child
Quote:
Originally Posted by SVTLightning
If you are a 54 year old man then act like one. She is more the man in this relationship!
I wouldnt put up with anything like that especially if we were not married!
two different response that basically say the same thing. she is controlling you, so you have a few choices;
1: dump her
2: put your foot down and let her know you run the house hold
3: compromise with her on somethings
4: set it up so that while you two live together, you do your thing and she does her thing.
personally i dont see her changing and stop acting like your mother, so i would encourage her to move on one way or another. i would lay down the law in regards to what i want to watch on TV, or what i want to eat from time to time, and take away her power. chances are she will either change, or she will leave.
If you are a 54 year old man then act like one. She is more the man in this relationship!
I wouldnt put up with anything like that especially if we were not married!
If you think what his girlfriend is doing is "acting like a man," I question why you think men are supposed to be control-freak dickheads.
Um, no, OP this is not a healthy or normal relationship and I suspect strongly you would be happier alone. But you're 54. There are a lot of women in that age group who are single. They might not all have "killer" bodies, but I suspect most are not nearly as awful as your girlfriend in terms of personality.
Soooo... you are staying with her because she's hot?
Doesn't seem like an even trade to me if you are complaining about it on an Internet forum.
You've already set the stage for the relationship by allowing her to control you. My ex was like that a little bit; I'd put something in the cart and he'd say "don't we already have enough blah blah blah," and I'd explain to him why we needed more. It's sweet that she thinks she's looking out for you, but by allowing her to do it every time, all the time, you've given her the signal that you can't think for yourself.
Also, why can't you do your own grocery shopping if she does that to you? Just go out and buy the things that she says you can't? Or would she flip out about that?
You need to open the lines of communication and tell her that X, Y, and Z bother you... if you want this to work out, that is.
If not, you need to cut and run.
I also didn't see where you mentioned how long ago you divorced. Is it possible that you dove too quickly into a new relationship? Get some alone time and some perspective on what it's like to be a single man your age. Yeah, it might suck, but it might be just what you needed in order to find the type of woman you want to be with.
I am a 54 year old man who has been involved with a 45 year old woman for almost two years. We initially started out as friends and eventually got romantically involved and now have lived together for a year. When I met her I noticed she was "different" than any woman I have ever been involved with. In the beginning I thought some of her wierdness/quirkiness was cute, but it is quickly becoming plain wierd and annoying. BUT...I am thinking maybe I just had it made with my ex-wife and I expect too much,so I am looking for opinions/advice. I hate to turn to the internet, but I see some good advice here.
This woman is what I consider a "control freak" but I could be wrong. Maybe it is just my imagination. When we go to the grocery store, I will put something in the cart and she will take it back out and say I don't need it because it's not healthy. Keep in mind I am a not overweight and healthy. She tells me she is just looking out for me. She is critical of what I order at a resturant and is always trying to get me to eat stuff I don't like. Tells me I need to eat better. When we watch TV it is always what she wants to watch. She decides what we watch on TV, when/what we eat, when we have sex, tires to tell me what to wear and even goes as far as to buy me clothes she likes and discourages me from wearing what I like. We go to bed when she says and get up when she says. She picks vacations, movies etc etc. She basically controls everything we do, but I am in charge of finances for our household, even though she makes considerably more than I do. My friends say I should not question the relationship because she is good looking, smart and makes good money. My opinion is starting to be that there is no benefit to me to be in this relationship as I get basically nothing out of it. She gets a guy who loves her and does anything (basically) she asks, and I get nothing but told what to do. I can't veen say I get great sex because I don't.
I can handle most of this but the sex thing is really getting on my nerves. If I initiate sex, there is always an excuse such as, not now my show is on, it's too early, it's too late, etc etc. Sex NEVER happens when I want. BUT...when she wants sex it doesn't matter what time of day or night and it is on. Of course, like everything else, sex is her way and nothing else. No oral sex either way....don't touch my boobs, don't touch the kitty, don't look at me naked, don't this, don't that. She has a killer body and it is like pulling nails to look at it in the daylight. I sleep naked and she sleeps with pajamas on and only gets naked long enough for sex and immediately gets dressed. Cuddling up is not in her vocabulary and she has suggested several times we start sleeping in seperate beds. I told her I find this extremely odd behavior, but she thinks it's not. She says we would "sleep better" alone. The sex is great when we have it (she is the first one to say this) and I find myself getting excited over something as simple as just getting her to let me hold her after sex for a couple minutes before she jumps up and runs to get dressed. It is driving me crazy! I have never met a woman who didn't like to curl up after sex, be touched in bed at night, and hated oral sex.
Am I expecting too much for this woman? Should I run now and find someone who doesn't always have to be in control of everything? Should I give up on performing oral sex and just be satisfied with what she is willing to give? I have never met anyone like her. When I tell her she is a control freak she says she is not, that she has just had to make all the decisions in her house for years because of being a single mother and raising children alone. I kind kind of understand some aspects of this, but it doesn't explain the don't look at me naked, don't touch my boobs etc part of the crazy sex stuff.
Ideas/advice?
You are REALLY unhappy. Fix it.
You know what to do. It will be hard, but you need to do it.
Sit around naked, getting high and drinking, use the F word constantly and tell her if she doesn't like it she can lump it. After she makes you a sandwich.
My friends say I should not question the relationship because she is good looking, smart and makes good money.
Ideas/advice?
Smart is good, but not without a good heart. Looks and money aren't important enough to put up with frustrating sex and being bossed around over all manner of minutia. OK, maybe to guys looks are worth putting up with some of that stuff. But nothing is worth putting up with limited, unsatisfying sex, and a control freak.
You can do better. You may have to compromise on some of the other qualities (bolded), but at least you can have fun in bed, eat the food you want, and enjoy some spontaneity in the relationship, and some cuddles.
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