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I've been talking to this guy now for about a month or so, though we have known each other for a while. But he had basically told me he was interested in me. We went out once last month and it was cool. The following day I hung out with him again for a very little while. One of the reasons I stopped wanting a relationship is because in my age group most men sort of expect for you to be able to hang out with them more than once a week and often spontaneously. In the past whenever this would happen and a guy would constantly ask me to hang out throughout the week I would have to decline because either he didnt give me enough time in advance or I just couldn't hang out because I am a single mom with a 3 year old just about.
Anyway typically after I continued to decline dates with men they would often lose interest or assume I wasnt interested and either friendzone me or move on.
I figured that this new guy would do the same thing. In fact I've rejected several times within the last few weeks. And even before our first date I declined twice. Everytime I tell him I can't hang out, I tell him specifically why and stress to him that I need more advance notice. He usually won't talk to me or give me the silent treatment after I reject him. And then the next day will talk to me again or ask me to go out once again even though he still didnt give me enough notice. And I will have to tell him no again, and then he ignores me for that day or stops talking to me only to pretend like nothing happened the following day.
So I rejected him twice last week. And he finally got the message that I can't just go out without a day or two notice in advance. So Thursday he asked me if I wanted to go out with him on Tuesday evening. I said yes. He finally got it that I need a few days in advance to plan things. But I'm now wondering why he is being so persistant. He's an attractive guy and I know he has no problems in the woman department. I know common sense might say that maybe he just likes me and that's why he's persistant but the reason I question his motives is because before he told me he was interested in me I never got the feel that he was the type to pursue women since it seemed like his last two relationships occurred due to the girls chasing him.
So I'm wondering if this is more about ego...For instance the silent treatment when I don't do what he wants(which is essentially drop everything I'm doing or plans I have and go out with him). Or I'm probably overthinking and being super paranoid for no reason.
So men, typically how persistant are you with a woman your newly dating? How long will it take for you to give up or just assume she isn't interested and move on? Have you ever pursued a girl simply because your ego couldnt handle her rejecting you and it became more about getting her to say yes than actually wanting to date her?
I've tried hanging out with a girl who had a son, and the kid's behavior was great and he was very good about his responsibilities, so that helped a lot. I guess if your kid was a little older and more independent, you wouldn't need to be around her more frequently and could have her stay with friends so that you can spend time alone with the guy you're seeing.
With this girl I was seeing, she had her son stay with his friends for the night or something when he could and if he couldn't, she dropped him off with her parents (the kid's grandparents). This helped a lot so we wouldn't have to constantly censor ourselves or watch what we were doing.
As long as she's willing to work with me on scheduling and spending time together, it would be fine. If she thinks only about her schedule and has no concern for any sacrifices the guy might be making, that's a problem. But I can see why you'd turn them down if you have something more important come up with your child. Kids are the most important part of your life, and the guys you're seeing should understand that.
If you were asking me, for example, and you wanted to know about babysitters or something, I might be willing to help you out (if I knew one in the area). You'd be free to say no to a babysitter that you did not select yourself.
I know I've said in other threads that I wouldn't want to be with women with kids, but I really mean that I would prefer not to. If things work out, then the kid part alone won't be a deal breaker.
I've been talking to this guy now for about a month or so, though we have known each other for a while. But he had basically told me he was interested in me. We went out once last month and it was cool. The following day I hung out with him again for a very little while. One of the reasons I stopped wanting a relationship is because in my age group most men sort of expect for you to be able to hang out with them more than once a week and often spontaneously. In the past whenever this would happen and a guy would constantly ask me to hang out throughout the week I would have to decline because either he didnt give me enough time in advance or I just couldn't hang out because I am a single mom with a 3 year old just about.
Anyway typically after I continued to decline dates with men they would often lose interest or assume I wasnt interested and either friendzone me or move on.
I figured that this new guy would do the same thing. In fact I've rejected several times within the last few weeks. And even before our first date I declined twice. Everytime I tell him I can't hang out, I tell him specifically why and stress to him that I need more advance notice. He usually won't talk to me or give me the silent treatment after I reject him. And then the next day will talk to me again or ask me to go out once again even though he still didnt give me enough notice. And I will have to tell him no again, and then he ignores me for that day or stops talking to me only to pretend like nothing happened the following day.
So I rejected him twice last week. And he finally got the message that I can't just go out without a day or two notice in advance. So Thursday he asked me if I wanted to go out with him on Tuesday evening. I said yes. He finally got it that I need a few days in advance to plan things. But I'm now wondering why he is being so persistant. He's an attractive guy and I know he has no problems in the woman department. I know common sense might say that maybe he just likes me and that's why he's persistant but the reason I question his motives is because before he told me he was interested in me I never got the feel that he was the type to pursue women since it seemed like his last two relationships occurred due to the girls chasing him.
So I'm wondering if this is more about ego...For instance the silent treatment when I don't do what he wants(which is essentially drop everything I'm doing or plans I have and go out with him). Or I'm probably overthinking and being super paranoid for no reason.
So men, typically how persistant are you with a woman your newly dating? How long will it take for you to give up or just assume she isn't interested and move on? Have you ever pursued a girl simply because your ego couldnt handle her rejecting you and it became more about getting her to say yes than actually wanting to date her?
Okay, it seems to have taken the guy a while to pick up that he can't go out with you on such short notice. Now to the questions.
I'm personally not very persistent with women. If I pick up that a woman is not interested or is losing interest, I typically back off and attend to other matters. I don't know what it means for my ego to not be able to handle rejection from a certain woman. However, there are times when a certain woman that I thought was interested in me turned out not to be interested. That really messes with me. (They'd have to do a lot over time for me to get the idea). I'd prefer it if she never shown any interest, but some people are just friendly in different ways that could be misinterpreted
I just take it as me misreading the intentions since this happens often.
Now, I wouldn't pursue a woman just to get her to say yes. If I knew she didn't want me in that way, I'd back off and keep things friendly.
I've tried hanging out with a girl who had a son, and the kid's behavior was great and he was very good about his responsibilities, so that helped a lot. I guess if your kid was a little older and more independent, you wouldn't need to be around her more frequently and could have her stay with friends so that you can spend time alone with the guy you're seeing.
With this girl I was seeing, she had her son stay with his friends for the night or something when he could and if he couldn't, she dropped him off with her parents (the kid's grandparents). This helped a lot so we wouldn't have to constantly censor ourselves or watch what we were doing.
As long as she's willing to work with me on scheduling and spending time together, it would be fine. If she thinks only about her schedule and has no concern for any sacrifices the guy might be making, that's a problem. But I can see why you'd turn them down if you have something more important come up with your child. Kids are the most important part of your life, and the guys you're seeing should understand that.
If you were asking me, for example, and you wanted to know about babysitters or something, I might be willing to help you out (if I knew one in the area). You'd be free to say no to a babysitter that you did not select yourself.
I know I've said in other threads that I wouldn't want to be with women with kids, but I really mean that I would prefer not to. If things work out, then the kid part alone won't be a deal breaker.
Yeah this isn't about dating a single mom just about dating in general and how persistant you are when your dating and when you decide to give up. I understand that there are a lot of men that won't date single moms and i understand and I'm okay with it.
My son has a nanny and I have relatives that can watch him but I'm busy often and have things structured and planned. I don't like when people want to do things without giving me notice since im anal about my time and getting certain things that I already had established done. So even if I could possibly change things around in my schedule to hang out with him I don't because I already had plans. He isn't my boyfriend so I don't see the need for compromise or meeting halfway at this point. Also I do have to pay my nanny overtime. And my relatives don't mind watching him if it's in advance and if that don't have plans themselves.
Thanks for your input though.
Last edited by Faith2187; 06-07-2014 at 04:55 PM..
Okay, it seems to have taken the guy a while to pick up that he can't go out with you on such short notice. Now to the questions.
I'm personally not very persistent with women. If I pick up that a woman is not interested or is losing interest, I typically back off and attend to other matters. I don't know what it means for my ego to not be able to handle rejection from a certain woman. However, there are times when a certain woman that I thought was interested in me turned out not to be interested. That really messes with me. (They'd have to do a lot over time for me to get the idea). I'd prefer it if she never shown any interest, but some people are just friendly in different ways that could be misinterpreted
I just take it as me misreading the intentions since this happens often.
Now, I wouldn't pursue a woman just to get her to say yes. If I knew she didn't want me in that way, I'd back off and keep things friendly.
I'm too old to be ****ing around, if I show you interest and you have an interest in me, just be open and honest about it, we can save a lot of time and energy.
I don't have a set time frame, but I pursue a bit and you don't reciprocate, then it's time to bounce.
See most guys Ime have only chased to an extent and then they bounce. I find it odd tbh when guys continue to chase a woman over an extended period of time. The interesting thing is from what I observed when that happens if a man is persistant enough the woman will give in eventually. I do know of couples where the guy didnt give up until she said yes but just don't find that common these days.
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That really messes with me. (They'd have to do a lot over time for me to get the idea). I'd prefer it if she never shown any interest, but some people are just friendly in different ways that could be misinterpreted
