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I have to disagree. When dating in my 40s there were quite a few decent guys in my age range on OLD, lawyers, pilots, officers.....
Guys, you are misunderstanding me - not saying there are NO good men on online dating sites, just that there are more women over 40 on them because men over 40 tend to be out LIVING life as opposed to being on a computer for fun.
Guys, you are misunderstanding me - not saying there are NO good men on online dating sites, just that there are more women over 40 on them because men over 40 tend to be out LIVING life as opposed to being on a computer for fun.
I adore you and agree with you 99% of the time, but.......
I'm not sure as I've never seen any data or statistics that address the above claim.
But MOST men I know use online dating when they are looking for something romantic. So they may not be hanging out online for fun, but from what I've seen, they go straight to the computer for dating.
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I think both genders are guilty of not knowing how others see them. For example, I'll often see women state on their profiles that they're successful, educated, own their homes, etc. Those are all certainly things to be proud of. But I don't know many guys who decide to date someone because she no longer rents an apartment.
I work in the tech field so I know a lot of people who live in SF. A joke you'll hear a lot out there is "the odds are good but the goods are odd", meaning there are a lot of single men for women to choose from, but not many are ones you'd want to date. Consequently, the men have to work harder to appeal to women since the gender ratio is so skewed. That might explain why you see so many men that look good. Plus the cost of living makes it harder for the guys who aren't in the tech industry or some other paying field to stand out. But that leads into the other joke about SF. "If a guy in SF is good looking, it means he's gay." LOL.
I don't really think people put this in as a way to attract dates/impress them. I think it's because someone with those attributes and accomplishment most likely wants someone similar in lifestyle. Someone with an MBA and owning a home is probably not looking for a bartender living over their parents garage, for instance.
I wrote this in jillabean's thread, and then worried it would distract from her topic so I have moved it here:
I wonder if sometimes women over 35 tend to value things about ourselves that are not what most men value.
I look at the dating profiles of women my age, and they really are awesome! They look good, are fit, have all kinds of cool jobs and hobbies. It's easy to tell that they love life, and have great relationships with their friend and family. Most of them I would rate 8-10.
Then I look at the profiles of the men. Some seem to be living life at about the same level as the women. But there is far more obvious dysfunction in their profiles. Many are clearly clinically depressed, there are clues to alcoholism and drug addiction. About a third of them seem to be doing the peter pan thing.
Why is this? Are men just less aware of how they portray themselves? Are the good men really all taken? Does online dating attract healthy women and unhealthy men?
I find this confusing and would welcome insights, particularly from those who know that I love men .
Some (female or male) are SO good at writing spin about themselves that they spin themselves away from what they came looking for.
I don't really think people put this in as a way to attract dates/impress them. I think it's because someone with those attributes and accomplishment most likely wants someone similar in lifestyle. Someone with an MBA and owning a home is probably not looking for a bartender living over their parents garage, for instance.
But it's still eye roll inducing. I mean, I'd roll my eyes if a guy wrote that in his profile, but I don't remember coming across such profiles. It would puzzle me to read "I'm a successful guy. I bought my own house at 22. I have a great job..." in a profile. Not only is it unnecessarily redundant because education level and income level are listed in the details, but it comes off a bit pompous. It almost sounds like he's trying too hard. And it's less impressive when a bajillion profiles say the exact same thing.
And the same is true for those who insist on portraying their "active lifestyle" image to combat the everyone's so fat-Americans are unhealthy, obesity epidemic. Ya know, to show they aren't like those people. So they do yoga... maybe once in a blue moon, do a mud run... once, and go indoor wall climbing, also once, and claim they're active and athletic. Trying to paint an image that they're so very different and ukneeque, when, in actuality, everyone claims the same damn thing.
It would make sense if many paid attention to the specs and details in the profile. I "get" wanting to attract a certain type, but certain methods come off formulaic and contrived.
I would think the interests one gets would have a lot to do with how they craft their profile. If it is written in a way that attracts or appeals to a certain demographic, it will likely weed out the people they know aren't a good fit. Keeping that in mind, there would be fewer people of lower socioeconomic class (or whatever group) initiating contact.
I think that most people ( men or women) are no longer satisfied with what's out there in front of them. They want to know what ELSE is out there. So the relationships sometimes don't have time to get started before they're over. Due to the social media and the quickness that people can communicate its harder and harder to even get a relationship started. Its a hyperactive environment. That's why you can be on a date and say one of the parties is just shy or not that socially adept by the time the other person gets home they may have 30 messages with hey what's happening I'm a hip cool whatever hook up with me message.
Sort of watching tv. 300 channels and complaining there is nothing to watch.
Most people's online profiles IMO are just there to make them seem more exciting than they really are. And they all read alike after a while.
But it's still eye roll inducing. I mean, I'd roll my eyes if a guy wrote that in his profile, but I don't remember coming across such profiles. It would puzzle me to read "I'm a successful guy. I bought my own house at 22. I have a great job..." in a profile. Not only is it unnecessarily redundant because education level and income level are listed in the details, but it comes off a bit pompous. It almost sounds like he's trying too hard. And it's less impressive when a bajillion profiles say the exact same thing.
And the same is true for those who insist on portraying their "active lifestyle" image to combat the everyone's so fat-Americans are unhealthy, obesity epidemic. Ya know, to show they aren't like those people. So they do yoga... maybe once in a blue moon, do a mud run... once, and go indoor wall climbing, also once, and claim they're active and athletic. Trying to paint an image that they're so very different and ukneeque, when, in actuality, everyone claims the same damn thing.
It would make sense if many paid attention to the specs and details in the profile. I "get" wanting to attract a certain type, but certain methods come off formulaic and contrived.
I would think the interests one gets would have a lot to do with how they craft their profile. If it is written in a way that attracts or appeals to a certain demographic, it will likely weed out the people they know aren't a good fit. Keeping that in mind, there would be fewer people of lower socioeconomic class (or whatever group) initiating contact.
I don't understand, what is pompous about it? The point of a profile is to show your best side, why do we need to hide our accomplishments in one? It is an accomplishment to buy a home at 22, and if he did so due to hard work and a good saving ethic, that tells you a lot about his character and what values he holds and how disciplined he is.. Why is that not important in selecting a mate? Why is success considered a bad thing that someone should be ashamed to tell people? Getting an education, buying a home, saving, enjoying your career and being good at it - those are all things people should be proud of. IMO a person who is driven, accomplished, etc, needs a partner with the same values, especially if he's looking for a potential wife/mother to his future children. How should he go about getting that across in his profile IYO?
I don't understand, what is pompous about it? The point of a profile is to show your best side, why do we need to hide our accomplishments in one? It is an accomplishment to buy a home at 22, and if he did so due to hard work and a good saving ethic, that tells you a lot about his character and what values he holds and how disciplined he is.. Why is that not important in selecting a mate? Why is success considered a bad thing that someone should be ashamed to tell people? Getting an education, buying a home, saving, enjoying your career and being good at it - those are all things people should be proud of. IMO a person who is driven, accomplished, etc, needs a partner with the same values, especially if he's looking for a potential wife/mother to his future children. How should he go about getting that across in his profile IYO?
Because it seems very pompous. Maybe I'm a little more low key. But I don't want just any stranger to know everything about me. Maybe if we were dating for a long time or getting married but to just put it out there meh. No thanks.
I don't understand, what is pompous about it? The point of a profile is to show your best side, why do we need to hide our accomplishments in one?
No one "needs" to hide anything. It can just be off-putting and a bit ill-placed considering said information is stated in the details. It's no different than some people being annoyed by those who boast about being a "devoted single mother" and how her children are #1.
If one is attempting to set themself apart from the masses, this approach can do just the opposite, thus leading to the impression many get when coming across boring or cliche profiles.
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It is an accomplishment to buy a home at 22, and if he did so due to hard work and a good saving ethic, that tells you a lot about his character and what values he holds and how disciplined he is..
It tells me he has a mortgage, had at least decent credit to get approved for a home loan, and may or may not have saved a lot depending on the location and type of loan used. It means he has debt just like the majority of Americans.
Similar to someone stating they went to college. Okay... and a good chunk of other people did, too. Like a lot of Americans. Does this show discipline? Eh. Maybe. Don't know what kind of student or learner he was. He could have graduated with mostly C's, barely passed classes, or had other people do his work. And by the looks of a good chunk of the writing skills and answers to questions on some of the sites, I wouldn't be surprised if the latter was the case. So, that's not all that impressive.
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Why is that not important in selecting a mate? Why is success considered a bad thing that someone should be ashamed to tell people?
I didn't say it was bad. I said it's unnecessarily redundant given such information is already present along with height/weight, ethnicity, relationship type, smoke, drink, pets, children, etc.
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Getting an education, buying a home, saving, enjoying your career and being good at it - those are all things people should be proud of. IMO a person who is driven, accomplished, etc, needs a partner with the same values, so exactly how should they go about getting that across in their profile IYO?
I was pretty selective myself. I was attracted to educated men, and "successful" never quite entered the picture because everyone has their own idea about what it means. Heck, even "educated" people can demonstrate a lack of their educatedness. But "educated" to me meant something very specific, and it wasn't just someone who "went to college" or even graduated.
The men's profiles I came across, the educated and professional types, didn't need to state their socioeconomic status in their profile. It was apparent that they were actually educated, intelligent, professional, driven, good-looking, etc., without needing to say as much. It's like someone who is good-looking would obviously want someone who is also good-looking. There's nothing wrong with that. It's only natural. But to imply that in the profile can be off-putting. It isn't "wrong," as in, I don't place a negative value judgment on this approach, but I wouldn't be surprised if it backfires.
There's nothing wrong with being proud of various accomplishments. But the usual way this is stated in dating profiles can be received in a less than positive light. Just like a lot of things common to dating profiles.
By the way, while I generally did have some real winners contact me I also had some good guys. One was a teacher who was never married, childless, homeowner, in shape and wanting to get married. I met him on Plenty of Fish as well.
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