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You don't want to be the reason he never lets go, moves on, gets married, never has kids....as long as you remain in his life IMO you are hurting him. So "should you" stay friends depends on whether you actually care about him or just like having him in your life no matter the cost to him.
There was a song in the late 60's or early 70's entitled "It's cruel to be kind", that is what he was talking about. You're not being a true friend by remaining in his life, IMO.
Have him over and burn.. I mean cook a nasty dinner.
Suck on garlic to sweeten your breath.
Act like you have been thinking of "us" as you are burning dinner and talking.
See if he still likes you.
Wear your granny panties and anything else that is unattractive.
Lay a nice open mouth fishy kiss on him with your fresh garlic breath.
Tell him thanks for the nice evening and for letting you 'be yourself.'
I feel like this still leaves too much up for interpretation. Just kick him in the balls next time you see him and walk away while yelling, I don't like you.
Another friend who wanted to be more eventually met someone, and at their wedding everyone kept remarking how much I looked like the bride.
My advice is to be clear as possible and tell him why you are distancing yourself. Hopefully he will be able to step away long enough to get over you and move on.
Some of you already know my situation with a guy friend of mine. I have mentioned it a few times.
He has been stuck on me for YEARS. I never actually "liked" him anymore than a friend and for a while I thought that's all I thought he wanted in the first place, until he confessed his feelings for me at the end of freshmen year. I told him I didn't feel the same way about him and that was that for a while. We no longer spoke and eventually he started dating my ex best friend. The relationship didn't last long because she discovered he still had feelings for me.
He tried contacting me while still in a relationship with her but of course I rejected him, because he was dating my best friend. Pretty much everyone disapproved of the relationship because he and I were friends before she "waltzed in" and decided she wanted him. I didn't really care that they dated but everyone else was really bothered by it. Eventually they broke up and he hasn't dated anyone since. We got back into contact and he kept saying he's still in love with me and hopes we can be together one day, saying he really hates the decision he made with being with her.
Ever since then, I have been trying to really pull away and I tell him all the time he needs to move on from me, because we will probably never be anything more than what we were in high school. He REFUSES to walk out of my life and he is desperately trying to hold on to a future with me, and he gets deeply upset if I try to end the friendship completely. He's not crazy or stalker or anything he just talks to me on daily basis like a normal friend does but I know deep down inside it really bothers him that we just cannot be. I really want him to move on but he is dead set on the fact that I am the one he is suppose to be with.
In truth, I really hate the fact he feels that way. I know that sounds incredibly ungrateful but it's the truth I don't want to keep hurting him. I know the obvious answer is to just end the friendship so he can move on. But really just want to know if anyone else has experienced anything like this. Have any of you been in this situation before?
Sorry for the essay.
OP, to clarify a bit - it was freshman year of high school he confessed his feelings for you, and you mentioned that you're in your early 20s, so it's been about 5-8 years that he's been pining for you?
I know you said he's not crazy or stalkery, but from what you wrote, his behavior is trending toward that. He doesn't listen to you, gets upset when you try to cut off contact, has refused to date anyone else, and has been engaging in this behavior for several years?
Have you had another boyfriend in this time frame? How did he react?
Someone else posted:
Quote:
You don't want to be the reason he never lets go, moves on, gets married, never has kids....as long as you remain in his life IMO you are hurting him. So "should you" stay friends depends on whether you actually care about him or just like having him in your life no matter the cost to him.
I disagree with this. I wouldn't adopt the mindset that you're at fault for his feelings or if he dies alone because he kept waiting for you. You've been clear enough to him. As an adult, he can be responsible for his own life and decisions.
If the fact that he has feelings for you doesn't make you uncomfortable, then I don't see why you should stop being his friend. I'm assuming that you're either convinced that he won't try to start a relationship in the future, or that if he does, you won't be bothered by it. If you ever start feeling uncomfortable or he starts getting needy or mentally unstable you should probably cut him out of your life, it's not worth it.
OP, to clarify a bit - it was freshman year of high school he confessed his feelings for you, and you mentioned that you're in your early 20s, so it's been about 5-8 years that he's been pining for you?
I know you said he's not crazy or stalkery, but from what you wrote, his behavior is trending toward that. He doesn't listen to you, gets upset when you try to cut off contact, has refused to date anyone else, and has been engaging in this behavior for several years?
Have you had another boyfriend in this time frame? How did he react?
Someone else posted:
I disagree with this. I wouldn't adopt the mindset that you're at fault for his feelings or if he dies alone because he kept waiting for you. You've been clear enough to him. As an adult, he can be responsible for his own life and decisions.
No...he new about a guy I liked and found out it ended me getting my feelings hurt.
He was upset but he didn't do anything. He actually didn't talk to me for a while after that.
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