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Ok. If by not excluding you mean that you won't specify on your online dating profile that you're only interested in non-black women, fine. But if you were going to do that, I wouldn't call you narrow-minded because of it especially when you say that the majority of black women you see aren't attractive to you and you're looking for someone attractive. Based on your statement, it would make sense to exclude them since they're generally not what you're looking for. Just because you haven't mentally shut all of them out on the off chance that you might run into an attractive one doesn't mean you're putting in any sort of effort to find an attractive black woman.
Wrong. It wouldn't make sense. Why do people have exclusions in the first place? It's to eliminate the people they know FOR SURE they won't find attractive. For example, I exclude smokers because I know with absolute certainty that I won't find them attractive. But I don't exclude groups if I think there's a chance I might find some of them attractive. As for effort, I put no more or less effort into meeting an attractive black woman as I do an attractive woman of any other race.
Quote:
Originally Posted by coffeendonuts
You just told her that a majority of black women aren't attractive to you. That in itself is excluding black women, which is fine. I think you're trying to take some more high road by simply not muttering the words "I'm attracted to every race but black."
Which makes no sense to me. People need to own their preferences.
Wrong. Saying you don't find the majority of some group attractive ISN'T the same as excluding them. And I think the only reason you're accusing me of taking the high road is because you can't accept that I would be open minded to black women. Is this where you'll accuse me of being politically correct?
Wrong. It wouldn't make sense. Why do people have exclusions in the first place?
Because they can.
Quote:
It's to eliminate the people they know FOR SURE they won't find attractive. For example, I exclude smokers because I know with absolute certainty that I won't find them attractive. But I don't exclude groups if I think there's a chance I might find some of them attractive.
People don't always eliminate due to attraction. They might find someone attractive enough and still not be interested in dating them because of their race.
People don't always eliminate due to attraction. They might find someone attractive enough and still not be interested in dating them because of their race.
Which begs the question as to why. We've spent the last few pages debating on how some people don't find black women attractive based on generalizations about their physical features. Now you're taking looks out of the equation. What other reasons do you have for excluding certain races?
Wrong. It wouldn't make sense. Why do people have exclusions in the first place? It's to eliminate the people they know FOR SURE they won't find attractive. For example, I exclude smokers because I know with absolute certainty that I won't find them attractive. But I don't exclude groups if I think there's a chance I might find some of them attractive. As for effort, I put no more or less effort into meeting an attractive black woman as I do an attractive woman of any other race.
Wrong. Saying you don't find the majority of some group attractive ISN'T the same as excluding them. And I think the only reason you're accusing me of taking the high road is because you can't accept that I would be open minded to black women. Is this where you'll accuse me of being politically correct?
The way I see it, with online dating, if you "expand" your preferences to include things that can be negotiable, the worst thing that can happen is you have a few extra messages to ignore. No harm in that. No one even says you have to write people back or click on their profile.
So I honestly need to "perceive" more about the people when I do look at their profile. I generally find I am correct as well. People are very good at codewords.
For me, even though I am totally confused on where I stand on the "mixed kids" scenario, someone with exclusionary dating preferences tends to have a high likelihood of doing the same in their friend circle, and that wouldn't work for me, as I have close friends of all types.
Which begs the question as to why. We've spent the last few pages debating on how some people don't find black women attractive based on generalizations about their physical features. Now you're taking looks out of the equation. What other reasons do you have for excluding certain races?
It gets murky pretty fast. Like if you are very religious, it totally makes sense to focus on people of your religion. And most religions have people of all "races" in them. No need to exclude race to get a religion match (there are some exceptions, but not that many).
You might have a preference for people that are citizens or born here (speaking generally of the US), but hey....that includes everyone too. You could even have a preference for immigrants or first-generation people. Again that includes everyone....
People's preferences are also shaped by their experiences. I grew up in a predominantly white suburb where there were no black people. Consequently, my entire conception of what black people looked and acted like was shaped by TV. But it wasn't until I went away to college and then started working that I realized just how much variation there is among black people. So when I hear someone say they won't date any black person, the question that immediately pops into my head is "how many black people have you actually seen?"
This applies to many people of varying ethnic backgrounds. Their lack of real exposure to different cultures and subsets within a culture is what influences their preferences and perceptions of people.
My ex-husband, blonde hair blue-eyed white guy, was born and raised in a small town in Southwest Virginia. His high school with over 1600 students had a very low black (and other minority) student population. What he knew of black people came as a result of shows like Family Matters and The Cosby Show, and maybe The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. He had one black friend, a best friend, and that was it. His exposure to other cultures did not come until after he joined the Marine Corps, for both he and his sister. And boy were they culture shocked.
He was around more black people at my family's get-togethers than he likely ever saw in person at one time while he was growing up. He and his sister never developed a specific preference for ethnicity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
They don't need to justify their preferences because people still won't be satisfied with the answers.
Person 1: I'm not attracted to black men/women.
Person 2: Why not?
Person 1: They're dark, ghetto, etc.
Person 2: Not all of them.
Person 1: Most of the ones I see are.
Person 2: You're stereotyping. There are lots of black people out there who aren't dark, ghetto, etc.
Person 1: So what? I don't care enough to find the outliers/they're still black and therefore I'm not interested.
THE END
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
It's that last statement I bolded that reveals the truth. They don't care enough to find the outliers. Why? Because it requires too much effort on their part.
Too much effort or they're still under the influence of pervasive and conditioned thinking. There's a difference between having an honest preference of X, Y or Z and justifying a preference based on prejudice, ignorance, and assumptions.
When I did OLD, I ran across a profile of a white man who clearly made it known that he ONLY dates *black* women. Only black women. That is his preference. As he put it, he likes their chocolate complexion and whatever else he mentioned. It was the first time I ever came across a white man's profile that was that direct about a specific preference. He didn't not date white women due to some prejudice or whatever. He just isn't attracted to white women.
My father, a white man, prefers black women. That has been his preference since he was a young man, and he was raised by his mother who was biased against virtually all minorities.
I'm a biracial woman who has primarily dated white men. I find men of other ethnicities attractive just fine, but have often preferred white men. That preference isn't based on some deep seated ignorance, fear, distrust, or bias. I can find a lot of people of varying ethnicities attractive, but have usually dated white men. I also have biracial/mixed cousins, female, who prefer to date black men. Another cousin, male, has dated more white and mixed women than black women. None of them hate or are biased against their ethnic background. They've been brought up in ethnically diverse areas. These are just their preferences.
I didn't filter out, say, Asian and Black men from my searches. The vast majority of my matches, when other filters were set, didn't yield really any matches that were Asian or black. I rarely saw profiles of black men, and if I did it was only when I increased my search/location radius.
Which begs the question as to why. We've spent the last few pages debating on how some people don't find black women attractive based on generalizations about their physical features. Now you're taking looks out of the equation. What other reasons do you have for excluding certain races?
Seriously? There are a multitude of reasons why people exclude. Some may not want biracial children or black people in their family. The "why" isn't important, so I don't feel the need to analyze their reasons. If they want to exclude, so be it.
Seriously? There are a multitude of reasons why people exclude. Some may not want biracial children or black people in their family. The "why" isn't important, so I don't feel the need to analyze their reasons. If they want to exclude, so be it.
So we've gone from saying it's OK to exclude black people because you find most black people unattractive to excluding because you don't want black people in your family. And now you're saying the reasons don't matter. Hmm.
Wrong. Saying you don't find the majority of some group attractive ISN'T the same as excluding them. And I think the only reason you're accusing me of taking the high road is because you can't accept that I would be open minded to black women. Is this where you'll accuse me of being politically correct?
um, I'm biracial so if I did care I would be calling folks who aren't attracted to black women narrow minded or ignorant, if anything. But people having preferences doesn't bother me, and I see nothing wrong with excluding an entire group.
Like someone else mentioned, there could be other reasons. Most white men wouldn't want to raise a black child, so how else would they avoid producing a black child? By not marrying a black person.
Or insert any other race, since the colored side tends to be dominant.
And yes, saying you find an entire group of women unattractive is excluding them, because if you don't find them attractive you aren't going to waste your time with them.
Calling someone narrow minded just because they prefer certain features or characteristics is coincidentally narrow minded in itself.
They may also dislike the naked bodies of a particular group (which is what I've had male friends tells me puts them off from certain women). Or the culture (the violence, hip hop/rap etc)
As long as the person isn't bad mouthing whichever group they dislike I see nothing wrong with it. Other than the fact that it offend certain people that they would dare state their preferences out loud
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