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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Those costs are a function of time. The longer it takes for you to spot the red flags, the higher the costs you'll have incurred by the time you end things. And it's not just you who's incurring those costs. It's also her. Maybe the red flags do eventually come out and you end things with her. As others have already pointed out, women can become very emotionally attached to someone if they're sleeping with them. So while you may someday decide to walk away and shrug your shoulders and say "at least the sex was great", she could have a harder time recovering. If the two of you aren't right for one another, better to find out sooner rather than later so at least she won't be as hurt if and when you do end it.
I don't thing men and women really are different in getting attached with sex. I've not seen it among my friends/relationships/associates, but your point with time investment has validity if you think spending time with someone is lost time, or a wasted resource, if it doesn't turn out to be a LTR or whatever you're ideally seeking. Sure, that makes sense, if that is your viewpoint. However, it really doesn't go along with the idea that the relationship will fizzle or bomb out if you move to fast. Actually the opposite, it means if you slow down it is more likely to fizzle quickly. It's actually a counterpoint.
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
My idea of sex was why I thought it fizzled. You craved new and exciting sex. Not just continuous sex with the same person. I was unfamiliar with your prior monogamous relationships, so I was taking your situation at face value.
Dating is just a crap shoot at times. Everyone who enters a race wants to cross the finish line, but there's going to be some people who wreck or have engine malfunctions. Everyone wants to cross the checkered flag, but sadly a percentage of people don't.
Why do you have an emotional buffer if you've had two serious relationships prior? You seem comfortable with your life direction and your decision making, so try narrowing down why this feeling comes. I tended to have similar feelings at 2 months with all the women I dated that ended up turning serious. Mainly do as I was committing myself to one person and all the emotional ups and downs that this one person will bring. I can handle myself emotionally, but that second person can be unpredictable at times and you can't just run away from every situation. Some of my situations fizzled just because I was a bit cowardly.
Woah, who said I had an emotional buffer? I don't. I never said I did, I was referring to another person's answer to my question and it made sense. It was a good answer. Who said those LTRs were monogamous? They (mostly) weren't. The longer one doesn't believe in monogamy for her and she wouldn't restrict herself to one gender. The other was monogamous when we were in the same city and not so when we weren't. And I've had much more than 2 relationships, I mean, I'm not young Some monogamous LTRs, some non monogamous LTRs, and of course short term relationships of all types. That was just the recent two.
Last edited by timberline742; 07-09-2014 at 04:28 PM..
I don't thing men and women really are different in getting attached with sex. I've not seen it among my friends/relationships/associates, but your point with time investment has validity if you think spending time with someone is lost time, or a wasted resource, if it doesn't turn out to be a LTR or whatever you're ideally seeking. Sure, that makes sense, if that is your viewpoint. However, it really doesn't go along with the idea that the relationship will fizzle or bomb out if you move to fast. Actually the opposite, it means if you slow down it is more likely to fizzle quickly. It's actually a counterpoint.
Woah, who said I had an emotional buffer? I don't. I never said I did, I was referring to another person's answer to my question and it made sense. It was a good answer. Who said those LTRs were monogamous? They (mostly) weren't. The longer one doesn't believe in monogamy for her and she wouldn't restrict herself to one gender. The other was monogamous when we were in the same city and not so when we weren't. And I've had much more than 2 relationships, I mean, I'm not young Some monogamous LTRs, some non monogamous LTRs, and of course short term relationships of all types. That was just the recent two.
I'm looking at it from a monogamous standpoint only. I assumed your 8 and 5 year LTRs were monogamous as most people likely would. I guess I'm grasping at straws at this point.
I'm in a similar boat as you. Can get a woman to get in bed with me, but have a hard time getting a woman to stand next to me, that I'm equally interested in.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,101,999 times
Reputation: 40635
Well I'm not seeking any answers on my situation. All is good. Really good. I was just seeking comments/opinions on the notion of slowing down to not burn out. It does seem like it doesn't make sense to most people, which is actually encouraging.
And I hope it works for you. I've rarely had issues getting monogamous relationships in general, they're out there, just not too commonly with the person I really want, finding monogamy orientated really cool (mostly) straight kinkster women isn't the easiest thing to find. So be it. No biggie. Life's an adventure and I'm good being solo as I'm never lonely.
Well I'm not seeking any answers on my situation. All is good. Really good. I was just seeking comments/opinions on the notion of slowing down to not burn out. It does seem like it doesn't make sense to most people, which is actually encouraging.
And I hope it works for you. I've rarely had issues getting monogamous relationships in general, they're out there, just not too commonly with the person I really want, finding monogamy orientated really cool (mostly) straight kinkster women isn't the easiest thing to find. So be it. No biggie. Life's an adventure and I'm good being solo as I'm never lonely.
You have the right idea to walk around with. Life is a ride and I'm wanting to hang on. It will workout the way either of us want it in due time.
Well I'm not seeking any answers on my situation. All is good. Really good. I was just seeking comments/opinions on the notion of slowing down to not burn out. It does seem like it doesn't make sense to most people, which is actually encouraging.
And I hope it works for you. I've rarely had issues getting monogamous relationships in general, they're out there, just not too commonly with the person I really want, finding monogamy orientated really cool (mostly) straight kinkster women isn't the easiest thing to find. So be it. No biggie. Life's an adventure and I'm good being solo as I'm never lonely.
Um, HellOooo!? I'm right here and I've been hitting on you through this whole damn thread
The poster CCL mentioned in their recent thread a very commonly expressed sentiment. That they didn't want to "go too fast and have the relationship burn hot and then fizzle out".
I hear this all the time. I'm feeling a bit of it myself right now as I'm spending a tremendous amount of time (like 6 dates not including our first meeting) in two and a half weeks with someone I just met in the wild.
We all have, or I would think most of us have had, those relationships that were incredibly fast moving and passionate and crashed in burn in a week, a month, or a summer and then poof... it disappears as fast as it started.
My question is, if people in that situation purposely slow things down, and make them more deliberate, does the relationship have a better chance of lasting a long time and being stable? Or does it just mean it will last a little longer, if any longer, and be less hot and intense?
I've had the mindset that if these flings, or short term relationships burn out, they were going to end anyway, so enjoy them for what they are. Yeah, I may get hurt, but that is part of opening yourself up to passion and connection and it is a damn good tradeoff in my book.
I hope this thing I am just starting has some legs, but it very well may crash and burn, and I'd be bummed, but it sure is fun right now. I feel so very alive (and dead tired!), but does giving in to it really increase the chances of failure?
I usually don't post to this forum.. but I have to wonder what is the "ideal' relationship according to these boards. ( chuckle). Either it's too fast, too slow, or non-existent. Can people ever be happy?
If someone is moving fast on you.. chances are they are BORED with you. I would say, you both are not a good match.
The poster CCL mentioned in their recent thread a very commonly expressed sentiment. That they didn't want to "go too fast and have the relationship burn hot and then fizzle out".
I hear this all the time. I'm feeling a bit of it myself right now as I'm spending a tremendous amount of time (like 6 dates not including our first meeting) in two and a half weeks with someone I just met in the wild.
We all have, or I would think most of us have had, those relationships that were incredibly fast moving and passionate and crashed in burn in a week, a month, or a summer and then poof... it disappears as fast as it started.
My question is, if people in that situation purposely slow things down, and make them more deliberate, does the relationship have a better chance of lasting a long time and being stable? Or does it just mean it will last a little longer, if any longer, and be less hot and intense?
I've had the mindset that if these flings, or short term relationships burn out, they were going to end anyway, so enjoy them for what they are. Yeah, I may get hurt, but that is part of opening yourself up to passion and connection and it is a damn good tradeoff in my book.
I hope this thing I am just starting has some legs, but it very well may crash and burn, and I'd be bummed, but it sure is fun right now. I feel so very alive (and dead tired!), but does giving in to it really increase the chances of failure?
Opposite for me, if something starts out slow I will end it because I'm bored.
I only go into relationships with people who I REALLY hit it off with right away, mainly because I get annoyed with many people and prefer just being alone.
This kind of angst is exactly why it is good to be very clear on what you are looking for out in Singles-Land before you venture out. It saves a lot of confusion and self-searching. If for example you're clear that you're looking for a fling, then you won't be upset when it ends...and there won't be any building up of hopes that the fling could have lasted and become more serious. A relationship you're hoping to see last has to be handled differently at the outset, than the way you would handle the pacing and direction of a fling.
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Some monogamous LTRs, some non monogamous LTRs, and of course short term relationships of all types. That was just the recent two.
Can people ever be happy?
