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I believe one should go into marriage or relationship with eyes wide open and informed but that's not the same as being worried about losing assets that haven't yet been accumulated.
If you already have accumulated assets and it is a concern you can protect those assets, you mate up with someone of equal financial, educational and career oriented status, you take time to get to know that person and be sure you are on the same page as best you can. You don't mate up with someone because they are hot or the sex was awesome, someone with no assets, no job, etc. etc.
i agree with your reasons for getting married, but considering the divorce rate is so high it would be
foolish to not think about what would happened if your marriage were to end in divorce.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nylonggamer
i agree with your reasons for getting married, but considering the divorce rate is so high it would be
foolish to not think about what would happened if your marriage were to end in divorce.
When you look at it, it isn't all that high. Among people with a bachelors degree, 78% of all first marriages are still intact at the 20 year mark according to the CDC's National Center for Health Statistics. That is pretty amazingly stable.
i agree with your reasons for getting married, but considering the divorce rate is so high it would be
foolish to not think about what would happened if your marriage were to end in divorce.
Why? My husband and I spend our time focused on our marriage - not on our divorce. We don't consider divorce an option. When we have problems - we work through them. Others might view us as foolish but that's okay with us. To me, it's very freeing to not see divorce as an option.
and you guys are probably a much better match for each other than most people who get married
additionally you have the benefit of 20 years of hindsight and knowing you're still married after 20 years
that's like someone owning a successful business for 20 years saying he never had a plan in case the business failed- pretty worthless since you couldnt have known going in it would definitely work out
and you guys are probably a much better match for each other than most people who get married
additionally you have the benefit of 20 years of hindsight and knowing you're still married after 20 years
that's like someone owning a successful business for 20 years saying he never had a plan in case the business failed- pretty worthless since you couldnt have known going in it would definitely work out
We've only been married for 9 years. But we are wonderfully matched for each other. That's why we got married. And to me, a marriage is not like a business. In a business - you are depending on strangers. In a marriage - you are depending on each other.
i agree with your reasons for getting married, but considering the divorce rate is so high it would be
foolish to not think about what would happened if your marriage were to end in divorce.
What normally happens when the marriage end in divorce is this: You list marital assets and debt and what you consider your personal property. You discuss and decide what is fair and acceptable usually based on 50/50 split. People can do this without lawyers, courts and judges so you really cant blame divorce laws. Thing is emotions get in the way and couples can not agree on equitable splits.
What people need to focus on is how to prevent their marriage from ending in divorce and how to have an equitable marriage so if the marriage does end most likely the dissolution will be equitable.
Marriage is a partnership.... Be on the same page about this because once the partnership has begun everything from that point on becomes one, money, assets, debt, responsibilities, priorities, obligations.
If you cant get on board with that don't partner up.
What we need is an intermediate form of partnership, more serious and committed than boyfriend/girlfriend, but less so that traditional husband and wife. There are many situations where there is desire and adequate foundation to "partner up", but not to risk grievous financial consequences. There are many situations where just being boyfriend/girlfriend do not offers sufficient legal protections, but outright marriage incurs too many legal entanglements.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
If you already have accumulated assets and it is a concern you can protect those assets, you mate up with someone of equal financial, educational and career oriented status, you take time to get to know that person and be sure you are on the same page as best you can. You don't mate up with someone because they are hot or the sex was awesome, someone with no assets, no job, etc. etc.
As has already been noted, in most states the pre-marital assets are protected. The point of contention is what happens to earnings and new investments by one of the spouses during the marriage. Should those be split upon divorce, or should every party cleave strictly to his/her own? This matters because even if the bride and groom are may be equally matched when the marriage begins, careers unfold differently, and habits change. If one of the spouses undergoes a life-change and becomes addicted to gambling, for example, why should the other spouse have to suffer by splitting the incurred debt?
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Among people with a bachelors degree, 78% of all first marriages are still intact at the 20 year mark according to the CDC's National Center for Health Statistics. That is pretty amazingly stable.
That would explain the dearth of divorced college-graduates on the middle-aged dating market!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
We've only been married for 9 years. But we are wonderfully matched for each other.
While I hope that your (and everyone's) marriage thrives for a lifetime, it is worth taking heed that one never knows. In the 8th year of my former marriage, my then-wife and I were convinced that we were "wonderfully matched". In the 9th year we split.
While I hope that your (and everyone's) marriage thrives for a lifetime, it is worth taking heed that one never knows. In the 8th year of my former marriage, my then-wife and I were convinced that we were "wonderfully matched". In the 9th year we split.
Why is it worth taking heed that one never knows? Is it worth taking heed that a meteor could fall on me and kill me? Is it worth taking heed that I could drop dead tomorrow? Why worry about things that haven't happened and most likely won't? Like I said, we don't consider divorce an option. Yes, anything could happen but I find it much healthier to look at our marriage as something to nurture and take care of than thinking about what we are going to do in case we divorce.
Can you imagine? Men actually want and LOVE their children.
Men actually ask a women to be their wife because they LOVE them and want to be with them and have a family with them. Not because they are so simple they are tricked into it.
And women actually LOVE their husbands and want to be with them.
Will this be your excuse when FORCED MARRIAGE becomes federal law? I mean, they'll use a fancier name just like in Australia. Common-law marriage, I think it sounds pretty and it still serves the same purpose in an age and day when people started avoiding marriage altogether.
but the way....
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
...
If you already have accumulated assets and it is a concern you can protect those assets, you mate up with someone of equal financial, educational and career oriented status, you take time to get to know that person and be sure you are on the same page as best you can. You don't mate up with someone because they are hot or the sex was awesome, someone with no assets, no job, etc. etc.
This is just stupid and you know it.
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