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How come you've never been married? If you're past a certain age and you've never been married, chances are you've been asked this question before. It's one of those questions that I think says a lot about the person asking it, especially when you pay attention to HOW they ask it. These days, it's more and more common for people to either delay marriage or just decide that marriage isn't for them. As a single male in his late 30s who's never been married, I used to offer up excuses when asked this question. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that marriage just doesn't appeal to me. That's not a slam against marriage or the people who've done it. I applaud anyone who's made it last cause I know it's hard work. But not everyone aspires to commit to one person for the rest of their life. If you're like me and you're not religious and don't want kids, then there's even less reason to marry.
So for the folks here over 30 who've never been married, what are your reasons for never having been married? Is marriage something you have any interest in? How do handle people who ask? I'm referring to the people who seem like they're judging you or implying that you should hurry up and get married? Have you found that there's a stigma to being a never-married where people make assumptions about you or they don't want to date you because they there's something wrong with you?
People will judge you for being married several times, never being married, marrying some outside your race or religion, or being gay or bi. In fact some gays judge people for being "breeders"
Thankfully most people just say that to make conversation. They want to connect with you so they say, "why haven't you gotten married, you are so great."
Just think of a comeback. I might say, "Did you have someone in mind?" Or " I never found someone who could keep up with my bedroom antics, would you like to know more" and wink.
When people nag me about only having one child I say..."I'm not ovulating like I should be" And I smile. I don't get asked that much anymore.
I've always found it to be a wildly ignorant question.
In my case, I never met the right guy for a life partnership until 2 years ago (at age 42). We live together happily. We may consider marriage at some point, but we're not in any hurry. We don't want children (and are too old to have them, anyway), so there doesn't seem to be any reason to rush into marriage. Neither of us is pressed. I don't really care what other people think about it.
I have known or met a few people who thought that someone past his/her mid-30s who has never been married demonstrates an inability to commit, which is very narrow-minded. I don't understand why someone with a failed marriage under his/her belt would be more appealing than someone who had never been married. It's limited thinking.
I am not 30 yet, but I am mid-20s and yet to go on 1 date. So, I think I will be unmarried at 30. lol unless I just rush and settle, or sign on for a sugar daddy.
My questions aren't about how come I never been married, so much as how come I "don't have a boyfriend?" And the question is always annoying. It does feel like people are judging, or looking to hear something bad to pity, or look down on you.
It's usually older women in my family who wonder. And a few girls in school who have asked. Then of course my friend, who got her 1st boyfriend at 19 wondering if I met anyone yet. A guy asked if I ever had a boyfriend, and he didn't ask me out--only said I had good looks and a nice body, and attitude. But he didn't ask me out, so I don't count his comments for crap. So, he wasted my time with that question. lol
So, I assume people are looking for dirt. To see what's wrong with you, then be proud over you, and think you're worse off than them, or something. Superiority, and gossip. lol
My ex friend and I were texting, and she was talking about her boyfriend, which was fine. Then she got to me, asking if I met any guys yet. I simply said no, and she wanted to know why. So, then I just responded shortly "how should I know." Then she goes on to say she hopes I meet someone, as if I am a pity case. And whenever she talks about her boyfriend, she would always say "My boyfriend." I met him, and knew his name. She could have simply said Kiah, which is his name. But you'd think his name was "My boyfriend" since she'd say it so often, and it came off as pretentious,. lol
I'm only 21 but I can relate but it's "How come you've never been in a relationship?"
I really hate when this question gets asked. I asked my self this question and re-evaluated my past with guys so many times, and I realized that it was all because of circumstance. SOMETHING always prevented it from getting to the bf/gf title.
I think most people just say it to make conversation, but others find it really bizarre and odd. I would always get shocked reactions like; "Whyyyy? You're so pretty and nice" and blah blah. I actually remember a friend of mine who reacted very strongly saying I was "too cute" to be this way, and I thought REALLY? I never believed anyone was too beautiful/handsome or too good for anything like that. My family assumes I am a lesbian or whatever, and would harass me with "when you gonna get you a man?"
For a while I felt so bad about it, and I still do have setbacks but it's only because I am still not over my last crush. I don't really get out to meet people like that, and the college I go to is relatively small. I am not interested in anyone else at the moment and the opportunity has never really presented itself. According to my mom and bro they just want me to be "happy and get the experience." They also think I am lonely lol. Now, I really just want to get to a point where I don't care about it completely and not feel the need for my existence to be validated by having a relationship. I mean of course I want to know what it's like and what it feels like to be in love.
I try not to worry too much about it, but I hope my lack of experience doesn't affect me too bad in the future. I am a go with the flow type of person, but because there are so many requirements and standards to live up to it worries me that I may not be good enough for anyone in the future if that makes sense. Oh well everyone lives their lives differently. I don't want to spend my time worrying about something like that.
But now when people ask me questions about my "love" life. I simply just answer "I do not like discussing that part of my life." and the conversation usually moves on after that. Although it does leave a lot curious.
How come you've never been married? If you're past a certain age and you've never been married, chances are you've been asked this question before. It's one of those questions that I think says a lot about the person asking it, especially when you pay attention to HOW they ask it. These days, it's more and more common for people to either delay marriage or just decide that marriage isn't for them. As a single male in his late 30s who's never been married, I used to offer up excuses when asked this question. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that marriage just doesn't appeal to me. That's not a slam against marriage or the people who've done it. I applaud anyone who's made it last cause I know it's hard work. But not everyone aspires to commit to one person for the rest of their life. If you're like me and you're not religious and don't want kids, then there's even less reason to marry.
So for the folks here over 30 who've never been married, what are your reasons for never having been married? Is marriage something you have any interest in? How do handle people who ask? I'm referring to the people who seem like they're judging you or implying that you should hurry up and get married? Have you found that there's a stigma to being a never-married where people make assumptions about you or they don't want to date you because they there's something wrong with you?
People ask me, and I think for my age, they're curious and they like me as a person, so a in sense they ask out of concern. Some people are just inquisitive.
I don't think I've ever had someone ask me in a way that they were judging me negatively. Only once, but the lady who asked was probably bitter she married the wrong man.
I chose not to marry, because deep in my heart, I knew what I wanted. Although, I could have had a nice life, not have to worry financially, or not have to worry, in general, a part of me is scared for commitment for life, and a part of me desires it. Closeness, trust, emotional proximity, and finding the right person to really let my guard down 100% with is something I fear.
I view marriage as a symbolic union unrelated to religion, and I think the idea/concept of commitment can be beautiful. At the same time, we're also humans, and sometimes I'm not sure if we are truly capable of monogamy, at least on the opposite sex's behalf. I know I am, but can the other person? Idk. Why gamble my heart to someone else, when I can keep myself happy by myself.
My current husband, 35 when we married, said he was waiting for the right person. He was in a two year relationship during his late 20's that wasn't right for him, and one for about a year two years ago, and he said they were together for the wrong reasons. They simply weren't compatible.
He was pretty darn sure he'd be single forever, and never really considered marriage as a serious possibility. He wanted a truly compatible match, and was skeptical he'd find someone he wanted to marry. He wasn't necessarily against it. It just wasn't something he gave a lot of thought to, though a previous girlfriend brought it up on occasion.
I was never critical of never married thirty or forty somethings. I've come across a lot of them, and a lot of the men wanted to get married, just to the right person for the right reasons.
3 proposals and 1 engagement by 30. If I haven't taken the plunge yet, don't think I ever will.
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