Hi All...
Wow, it's been awhile... I haven't signed onto the CD Relationships form in over a year! On the upside, since I last posted, I finally cut off contact with my former "FWB" who was stringing me along, and I'm now in a "normal" relationship again. Of course, now I'm having some issues in that relationship too, and I remembered CD being a good place to vent and get some objective advice, so here I go again...
I met my boyfriend 4 months ago at a St. Patrick's Day party. He approached me and bought me a drink, and we hit things off immediately. He contacted me two days later to go out on a date. After our first date, we started seeing each other pretty regularly. After dating a month, he told me he wanted me to be his "girlfriend" and to be exclusive. (And, of course, I happily agreed.) After another month, we went on a weekend roadtrip together, and he told me he loved me. I said it back to him - I'd been feeling it for awhile, but wanted him to say it first.
During those first few months, he was the sweetest, most attentive and romantic boyfriend imaginable. After the last ass-clown I'd been "dating," it was a welcome change. We talked every day, sent each other "good morning" texts, chatted at night, etc. He told me I was beautiful, that I made him so happy, and he'd never met another woman like me before. I felt the same way about him, and told him so. We met each other's families. His group of friends quickly accepted me as one of their own. We discussed goals and future plans. We seemed to have tons in common, and agreed that we were weirdly perfect for each other.
However, this past month, I've noticed that his attitude toward me seems to be changing, and he's growing more and more distant. It started around 4th of July, when he had our first major fight after getting home from a friend's BBQ. I was exhausted and wanted to head out, and he was being obnoxious and too drunk to drive. He said I was "bugging him" and it lead to a pretty big fight.
We talked the next morning, when we were both sober, and agreed that we've been spending too much time together. (Typically, we'd spend the entire weekend together, since we live in different suburbs 20 minutes away, and it's tough getting together during the week.) I suggested that instead of spending both weekend nights together, we take Fridays off and see each other on Saturdays. He thought it was a good idea, and the following weekend, it worked out pretty well for us... Except, he kept teasing me and picking on me about little things... He said my hair was frizzy (it was 80 degrees and humid that night), that my shorts were "frumpy" and that he wished I'd get new glasses... WTF?! I told him he was being an a**shole and he shut up pretty quickly, but it bugged me the rest of the night.
A week later, he sent me a text message (while I was at work) saying he was having drinks one night with an "old friend" he hadn't seen in a couple years who was in town for a few days. Then, he admitted it was actually an ex-girlfriend from 5+ years ago who he's kept in touch with. He insisted that there was nothing between them, and she was just a friend, but he wanted to be honest with me about it. Yeah, I got pissed off. After a few back-and-forth texts, I told him I didn't want to talk for a couple days and quit responding to his messages.
The next day, I decided to write him a letter explaining my frustrations with his behavior, and sent it to him as a FB message. I was candid, but careful not to come across as b*tchy or needy, just honest. We talked that night, and he told me he didn't end up seeing his old "friend." He was kind and apologetic, and we made plans to see each other on Saturday. That weekend, we went to a local music festival and had a blast. He was back to being his usual sweet, loving self and everything seemed fine.
This past weekend, he was going out of town (he's a musician [with a day job] and was playing a show in upstate NY. I couldn't go with him because I couldn't get time off work.) I suggested we meet up for drinks a couple nights before, so we could see each other before he left. I met him at a bar in my neighborhood, and he was acting really cranky and aloof. We barely talked, and he kept looking at his phone and texting his buddies. About an hour later, one of his friends joined us at the bar. I was kind of irritated, but I like his friend, so I let it go. Suddenly, my boyfriend got really animated, joking around and acting like himself again. He spent the rest of the evening talking more to his friend than to me. At one point, I got up to use the bathroom, and when I came back they had left our seats at the bar and gone to play pool in the back.
Around 10pm, I told him that I had to go because it was a work-night. He acted pretty non-chalant about me leaving, and I decided that I needed to say something before I went, or it would bother me all weekend. I took him outside and basically asked "What the hell is up with you?!" I started to cry, and told him I didn't know what I'd done to merit the sudden change in his attitude toward me. He hugged me and said he was sorry for mistreating me and making me feel so awful, that he's just confused about what he wants right now, but he's certain he loves me. I told him that since we weren't seeing each other for the next 10 days, he needed to spend some time thinking about whether or not he really wants a relationship with me. He promised to think things through, and told me not to worry because (again) he really loves me.
During the weekend, we talked intermittently. He called me when he got to his hotel in NY. After his performance on Saturday, he texted me to tell me that the show went well and he got to meet one of his musical heroes. Meanwhile, I went out Saturday night with one of my friends who I haven't seen in a few months, and we had a "girls night out." It felt great to get out with someone besides my boyfriend, and gave me a chance to vent my frustrations to my friend.
Yesterday (Sunday), I didn't hear from him all day, till I finally sent him a text message asking him if he was on his way back. (He had driven from Chicago to NY and back, and I wanted to make sure he was okay.) He texted me when he reached the halfway mark in Ohio, and again when he got home around 8pm. I tried asking him some questions about his trip, but his responses were short and sporadic, and he said he was exhausted, so I said goodnight and left him alone.
Today, we've barely said two words to each other. I thought he'd text me to say good morning, but I didn't hear from him till 9am, when I sent him a message asking if he was okay. He responded that he was still tired and running late for work. I told him I'd text him at lunchtime to see how he was doing. However, I decided to just let him be, and see if he'd contact me instead. As of right now (4:15pm) I haven't heard anything from him. It feels WEIRD not talking to him, and it's got me worried...
So, gimme your perspective... I know I should give him time and space to figure his sh*t out, but I'm frustrated by his hot-and-cold behavior and just need to vent. Should I try to talk to him about it? Would that make things better or worse? Or, should I just back away and let him be, and hope he snaps out of it once he realizes I'm fading out? Despite his recent douchiness, I really do love this guy and want this relationship to work.
Thanks for listening, CD
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